Trench mouth is an infection of the gums caused by excess bacteria. It got its name because it was common in soldiers living in the trenches of World War I. They also find it in another demographic: college kids.
So what do we have in common with people living in the ditches of a war zone? Stress, poor hygiene, poor nutrition, weakened immune systems and smoking -- all things that contribute to trench mouth. My point here is not the many things that could be improved in a college student's life. Instead I have two points: a) there is a lot involved in taking care of your mouth besides brushing your teeth and b) if at all possible, avoid living in a ditch.
So I'm sure you've heard it before: Brush after every meal, floss twice a day, avoid smoking and foods that will stain your teeth, don't gnaw on your door stop. So, I won't bore you with the same lecture you hear every time you go to the dentist. Speaking of which, I really have never experienced more guilt then when the dentist looks down at me and asks if I've been flossing. I honestly feel like I just killed her first born ... anywhoo...
On that note, welcome to the oral threat down -- yes I stole that from Colbert. So sue me (please don't).
Threat Number One:
If you eat ice, you may have an iron deficiency or you may have pica. Either way, I'm not here to diagnose or judge you. We've all been there -- we say it's the last ice cube we will ever crunch, and there we are, a day later, asking the waiter at Basil if they can freshen the ice in our drink; yeah it's a sickness. But if you do eat ice one thing you have for sure are cracks in your teeth. Ice will ruin your teeth, so try to stop.
Threat Number Two:
You know what they say about girls with tongue rings? Well, in addition to the words of wisdom provided by Chris Rock, those girls probably also have chipped teeth and a P.O.-ed dental hygienist. Because at one point, that girl sat in a dental chair and told the poor chap cleaning her teeth that she had voluntarily put a metal bar in her poor, abused tongue. In addition to chipped teeth, tongue piercing can cause gum erosion and can collect plaque. Also, I've heard they can cause heart attacks and communism. And you don't want to become a communist, do you?
Threat Number Three:
As you age your teeth get darker. And in America's ever-increasing fight to stay youthful, many people have turned to teeth bleaching to keep there smiles shining like jail bait. But all this whitening can cause serious damage to your pearly whites. Increased sensitivity, chemical burns and looking like Chuckie are all risks associated with over bleaching. Also, most of the time your teeth will end up at their original shade anyway.
So, moral of this rather short story: if you want to avoid being an extra in the next rap video about "grillz," follow your dentist's advice, avoid doing anything extreme to your mouth and stay away from communist literature.
Liz Bird is a Cavalier Daily Health & Sexuality columnist. She can be reached at bird@cavalierdaily.com.
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