You may have heard about something called a purity test. These online tests are lists of questions that when answered will help determine how "pure" you are. Most likely you remember it from middle school or high school. But for some unexplained reason, the purity test recently has gained a resurgence of popularity among my friends. And like Never-Have-I-Ever, Five Alive, yo-yos and so many other things that were really fun when we were younger, the purity test is still pretty amusing as 20-somethings in college. But the purity test in college is a bit of a different experience, probably because the average person can check off more than one box.
There are a bunch of purity tests online. Just get on Google and search and you will find about 100. Some are hundreds of questions long and some are just plain odd. Take, for example, the Dr. Seuss Purity test with such questions as "Have you done it in a boat? Have you done it with a goat?"
The most popular one seems to be the 100-point, check-a-box purity test. The test questions you on all aspects of impurity, including sexual history and alcohol and drug use, with the idea being that you go through and check the box next to everything you have done. For example, if there was one that said, "Been so bored in class you actually read a column on purity tests," you would have to check it.
So anyway, you go through and check all the little boxes and at the end you get your purity percentage. Since there are 100 questions and obviously your purity percentage is out of 100, you essentially loose one purity percentage per box you check off. Alright, so does everyone understand? Okay, good.
So what's interesting is not your own score. That's actually pretty boring. What's exciting is comparing your score to everyone else's.
When I first took the test, I pretty much expected that everyone else would have a relatively similar purity percentage. But here's the thing, despite all of us at the University being relatively the same age, the scores still seem to vary drastically.
So far the lowest score I've heard of is in the high 20s and the highest I've heard of is in the mid-90s.
But there are a few issues with the purity test. First off, the test is clearly only aimed toward heterosexuals since most of the questions include "MOS," which stands for "member of the opposite sex" for those of us who aren't as up to speed with our purity test lingo.
Furthermore, you lose one point for each box -- no more, no less. This seems okay until you realize that question number three is "Ever gone on a date?" and question number 87 is "Ever participated in bestiality?" So if you and some creepy guy are sitting side-by-side taking a purity test and the only thing he's ever done is participated in some light bestiality and the only thing you have ever done is gone on a date you are both 99 percent pure. You're both equal, even though he is clearly a freak-a-leek. ... Not that anyone is judging.
Liz Bird is a Health & Sexuality columnist. She can be reached at bird@cavalierdaily.com.
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