The semester is coming to a close, the fourth years are getting all nostalgic and weepy, and what's the deal with all of this rain? But do not fear -- there is hope on the horizon because the University's favorite holiday, Foxfield, is only 10 days away.
For a number of Foxfield attendees, it is an afternoon to be spent ... well, it ends up that they're not really sure how it was spent, but it was freaking awesome, man. For others, it is a slightly tamer, classier affair. No matter how hard you play, the day is is a beloved tradition for the University community and one to look forward to.
Not to scare any first-timers, but it can be an intense day of searching for lost friends, warding off predatory alumni and spilling drinks on new sundresses and khakis. Here is some friendly advice on how to best enjoy your experience at the races.
For the ladies: I don't care how adorable your lace-up espadrilles are, you will fall on your face and die. Of embarrassment. Cheap, plastic flip-flops are the safest option since it doesn't matter if you ruin them (although my first year I wore an old pair that broke, and I ordered friends and innocent bystanders to fix it).
And although straw hats may look fetching, make sure your hat does not interfere with your peripheral vision as you will likely be disoriented, and you don't want anything blocking your view of watching the racing horses or people more drunk than you making fools of themselves. And white dresses are not practical --- I can assure you that you will return at the end of the day with a dress that is not white.
If it rains like it did my first year, do not attempt to balance yourself by pulling friends down in the mud with you if you begin to fall. They will not be pleased. In fact, they might not speak to you for several weeks. Not like I would know.
Even if it seems the most satisfying idea at the time, it's probably best not to eat 10 barbecue sandwiches or other traditional, yet horribly greasy and unhealthy, Southern cookout fare that is easy to fill up on as you plot hop. That, plus the bourbon sloshing around in your stomach, probably won't sit well.
If you are going to consume an alcoholic beverage or two before getting on the bus or in a designated driver's car, be sure you don't have to go to the bathroom. Once you hit Foxfield traffic, there is no going back for a trip to the restroom, and it quickly becomes the longest car ride of your life.
And while we're on the subject, the bathroom lines are a fight to the death. Prepare for hand to hand combat with cutters who chose to ignore the lesson we all learned in kindergarten: no cuts, no buts.
Many find the better alternative to be popping a squat with a group of friends huddling around them, although some would argue that holding it in line for 20 minutes may be a better alternative to being arrested.
Cell phone service at Foxfield is like I would imagine service to be in Siberia. Even if you do get a call through, neither person on either end can hear what the other is saying over the chanting of a thousand frat boys.
If it is gloriously sunny on Foxfield day, first praise the Foxfield gods, but then please apply sunscreen liberally unless you want to return with a sunglasses tan.
Though the event is a lovely way to commemorate the end of the semester with friends and friendly drunken strangers, it may be wise to prepare for disaster and have a plan in place in case your day becomes clouded by discontent.
Your friends might need to be taken care of, in which case it probably wouldn't be very nice to leave them somewhere, no matter how annoying and belligerent they have become. If you get lost and separated from people, obviously telephone communication is out, and there will be persons you may ask for help who have no sense of time or place.
I hope I haven't frightened anyone with these Foxfield "what ifs;" this event is a great way to mingle with other students who love horse racing and large fields jam-packed with unruly masses and countless handles of cheap liquor. And I'll see you all there in flip-flops with sunscreen all over my face, trying my best not to fall in the dirt.
Be safe everyone, and happy end of the semester.
Mary's column runs biweekly on Wednesdays. She can be reached at mbaroch@cavalierdaily.com
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