Editor’s Note: This article is a humor column.
Dec. 2, Charlottesville Police concluded its investigation into the great falling of the tree outside of Bodo’s Bagels. Following over a month of interrogation, the primary suspect, Mr. Vom Bunyan — a Vom Mart employee and Charlottesville local — confessed to the crime.
Charlottesville Police commented on the length of the investigation, which took over seven weeks.
“Between keeping the Hill on Scott Stadium at half capacity and conducting the investigation on the false shooting in Shannon, the Bodos Tree unfortunately fell low on our priority list,” the statement read. “But before students go home for winter break, they will now know justice has been served.”
The Bodo’s tree was discovered on the morning of Oct. 12 by a second-year College student at the University, T.J. O’Tunda.
“It’s the biggest and most terrible loss for the University community this year, for sure,” O’Tunda remarked. “I really can’t think of anything that compares.”
Following O’Tunda’s initial statement, reports from one of the University’s most credible news outlets, Yik Yak, described the scene as “horrific” and “saddening."
After the discovery of the tree, Charlottesville Police secured the scene with three pieces of yellow caution tape and retrieved 48 hours of outdoor security footage from Bodo’s Bagels’ management. Neighboring establishment Vom Mart, however, refused to hand over such footage from their outdoor cameras — when asked, Vom Mart's management claimed that their security system was currently non-functional. In the same conversation, Charlottesville police pointed out a flashing red light on each of Vom Mart’s cameras, suggesting that they were working just fine.
In addition to the security footage, Charlottesville Police received an anonymous email containing a screen recording of a video posted on the Vom Mart TikTok account. The video, posted at around 3:09 a.m. on Oct. 12 shows Vom Mart employee Vom Bunyan engaging in a popular TikTok trend where individuals hang from a crosswalk light and lip-sync to the song “Maui Wowie” by Kid Cudi. According to followers of the Vom Mart TikTok account, the video was only online for an hour before it was taken down, which Charlottesville Police cited as the reason why the investigation took as long as it did.
As opposed to a crosswalk light, however, Bunyan can be seen hanging on a branch of the Bodo’s tree. In the last second of the video, the tree begins to fall as Bunyan swings off the branch.
After scrubbing through the footage, Charlottesville Police discovered more visual evidence that Bunyan participated in the trend and a complete video of the tree toppling down. Just moments after the tree falls, Bunyan can be seen staring blankly at the debris, checking his surroundings and then fleeing back into the Vom Mart store. Even more incriminating, the next video posted on the Vom Mart TikTok account was to the song “Timber” by Pitbull featuring Kesha.
When questioned about the incident, Bunyan claimed that the video was AI-generated and that he did not have access to the Vom Mart TikTok account. During the same meeting, however, Bunyan accidentally clicked on the profile page and revealed that he was in fact logged in to the account.
Despite continuous efforts to maintain his innocence, Bunyan confessed to the crime Nov. 27. Having had almost seven weeks to contemplate the entirety of their investigation and giving residents space to mourn the loss, the Charlottesville Police gave its final statement on the case to the community.
“We are happy to have brought justice to the tree outside of Bodo’s Bagels and closure to all Bodo’s customers. Although we are now entering the hellish pits of winter and that outdoor seating is losing utility, we hope that the Charlottesville community is comforted knowing that the case has been resolved.”
Bodo’s manager, Chive McSchmear, also released a statement on the tragedy following the investigation's conclusion.
“We are mourning the loss of our beloved tree, especially since it meant that our customers did not get to enjoy its fall colors,” McSchmear said. “However, the tragedy has brought more customers in. They stop by to give their condolences and end up purchasing four pity bagels and a small orange juice.”
Student movements to plant a new tree in the Bodo’s tree’s place have popped up around Grounds and show no signs of slowing down. While opposers of the movement think the space should remain empty in respect of the original tree, proponents of a new tree argue that a month and a half of mourning a literal tree is enough.
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