Surprise album from Kanye West gets stuck in your head

West’s latest release beamed straight into haters’ brains

aekanyewestcourtesywikimediacommons

In a shocking development, American rapper and music producer Kanye West recently released his seventh studio album, “So Help Me God,” with no prior announcement, only moments before music review website Pitchfork published its 10/10 review of the album.

The album was distributed for free directly into the minds of seven billion people around the world. It is probably playing in your head right now, and you have no idea how to turn it off.

The feat was achieved due to a partnership between West and the National Security Agency, which is reported to have provided the software necessary to beam music directly into the minds of all the world’s citizens. According to West’s camp, the distribution strategy was inspired by U2’s controversial release of “Songs of Innocence” last September, when the Irish rock band’s latest album was downloaded into the libraries of 500 million iTunes users without their consent.

The release is the latest development in a growing trend of major artists releasing highly anticipated albums with no promotion. The practice was made famous by Beyoncé’s surprise release in December 2013.

“Why stop at 500 million when you can instantly reach all 7 billion people worldwide at once?” a GOOD Music representative said. “ By reaching that many people, it’s the most successful entertainment release of all time!”

West himself has declined all interview requests, instead tweeting, “ANYTHING I HAVE TO SAY IS ALREADY IN YOUR HEAD #IAmAGod.”

“Early on, we asked ourselves: who could get us access to the most people? The immediate answer was the NSA,” West’s publicity rep said, when asked about the rationale for partnering with the NSA.

When asked for comment, an NSA spokesperson stated that the partnership “made sense,” adding, “We have had an image problem lately with young people. We have been developing this mind-beaming technology, and we figured the best way to introduce it would be by partnering with a cultural figure with youth appeal like West.”

When asked if an artist that influences even younger audiences — like One Direction — was ever considered, the spokesperson responded with silence and a single tear.

In addition to the previously released “Only One,” “FourFiveSeconds” and “All Day,” the album includes new tracks such as “I’ve Got Feelings” where West raps about his feelings over a loop of the Canadian rapper Drake crying.

The album also features Paul McCartney in “Can’t Get Me Out of Your Head,” which is built on a sample of the 2001 Kylie Minogue hit of similar title. The track ends with an extended outro where McCartney makes the shocking statement the he is not, in fact, dead.

Previously performed track “Wolves” features only autotuned howls. The 10-track album ends with a 15-minute version of “Awesome,” a track West dedicated to Kim Kardashian. University students were surprised to find that the song contains a verse comparing Kardashian’s curves to the Hills of Monticello.

A limited-edition version of the album has allegedly been released, but only in limited quantity to the 100,000 people who signed an online petition asking for West to be dropped from this year’s Glastonbury festival. This deluxe edition features 24 hours of additional spoken-word content, including recorded concert rants and original material.

related stories