Yesterday, while in the middle of a frustrated rant about how much I disliked a coworker, I realized I had absolutely no reason to hate her. Puzzled, I thought back to all of our short conversations and friendly interactions only to see she had committed no transgressions — no stink-eye, no passive aggressive behavior, nothing that could possibly be twisted into malice. So why the instinctive antagonism?
Having both attended the same high school, we never really spoke until we ended up working at the same retail store. My first weeks at the store were fraught with terror — and no, this is not an exaggeration.
Having a more introverted personality than my coworker — let’s call her Kate — I did not interact too well with customers. I lived in fear of not knowing an answer to a question or being awkward. I could maintain shallow conversations and fetch clothes from the back, but I failed at talking customers into buying an item or up-selling — persuading a customer to buy additional merchandise or something more expensive.
My case wasn’t helped by the fact that I never quite figured out how to use the walkie-talkie — the thing had way too many buttons. At one point, one of the store’s assistant managers walked up to me and said, pityingly, “So, you seem shy.” After this, with my frustration mounting, I was given shifts in the back of the store where I processed shipments and was trained to do online orders.
In contrast, Kate immediately proved herself to be a great floor associate. She received customer compliments on her first day and somehow knew everything about every article of clothing. She even understood how to work the walkie-talkie.
I am ashamed to say this is where my negative feelings toward Kate originated. I was jealous of her seemingly natural ability to interact with customers and began to make unfavorable comparisons between us. Though I actually enjoyed shipment and was given more hours doing it, I began to believe it was the job they gave to the “not-people-friendly” associates. I made jokes about being so bad with people they had to hide me in the back.
The belief that I was a “lesser” employee hurt me in many ways. Since I began to think my job was not as important as Kate's job of selling clothes to customers, I could not enjoy a job in the back of the store that I potentially could have loved.
My negative thoughts about work had a domino-like effect, and soon I began to feel less and less pride about other achievements. For instance, when I received a letter saying I made Dean’s List for the first time, my initial thought was, “It must have been a mistake.”
In addition to making me feel down about myself, needless jealousy at work prevented me from getting to know a coworker and a potential friend. I spent a month not liking Kate without even realizing why. We could have shared the stereotypical workplace “I can’t wait to go home” conversations and complained about insane customers. Instead, there was no interaction. This is a mistake I plan to rectify.
I now realize envy and a competitive personality were bringing me down — both in and out of work. Hopefully, with greater awareness, I can prevent myself from making these same mistakes. At the end of the day, if we’re making ourselves unhappy, then clearly a change has to be made. And I will make this change — as soon as I go talk to Kate.
Abigail’s column runs biweekly. She can be reached at a.lague@cavalierdaily.com.
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