When I saw my little brother for the first time this summer, I was struck by how tall he had gotten. A senior in high school, he suddenly seemed so much more mature. It helped that he had cut his hair, making it less bowl-like. And, oh yeah, he had also gotten a girlfriend.
I remember my discovery of this fact well — I screeched, “You have a what?” and then proceeded to question him on every facet of her existence. Apparently they had been dating for a couple of months and I was the last to know about it. Needless to say, I was not a fan of being kept out of the loop — or of realizing my little brother had grown up in my absence.
This, unfortunately, is a consequence of going away to college. You spend months away from your family, expecting them to be pining for you, only to realize life goes on when you’re not there. It’s misleading, coming home and finding your room exactly the way you left it, because then you see the walls in the kitchen have been painted and realize things have changed.
The University is so fast paced — you are so busy and stressed that you rarely think past your immediate concerns, or about anything outside Charlottesville. You don’t think anyone outside of this environment has changed as much as you have. Then you’re shocked when you get home and realize you’re wrong.
A friend of mine mentioned feeling jealousy toward inside jokes she was no longer in on at home. She was worried her parents were now closer to her younger siblings, and that she was “out of sight, out of mind.”
This is simply not true. Though we may feel left out, we have not been forgotten by our families.
I brought this up to another friend who had a different point of view. As the younger sibling, she told us about her experience when her older siblings went to college. She told us about how close she was to them before they left, how much she missed them when they were gone, and finally, she told us how excited she was to hear their stories when they did come home.
They had been gone for months and had so many experiences to share upon returning. This made me realize that catching up with family, as well as with friends who have gone separate ways, can generate some of the best conversations. There are no awkward silences or realizations that you have absolutely nothing else to say to each other. You get to know them all over again and tell them new, funny stories they haven’t already heard a thousand times.
Taking this to heart, I decided to learn all about my brother and the changes in his life by going on a hike with him. I spoke non-stop for half an hour while he was silent — a result of his introverted personality and taciturn nature. We made it to the top of the mountain (with much difficulty on my part) and admired the view. He said “pretty,” and I agreed. Then we silently walked down the mountain and I realized I didn’t need to get to know him again — I already did.
Abigail’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at a.lague@cavalierdaily.com.
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