I hate quitting. I think I was taught to hate quitting the moment I came out of the womb. Adults have always told me, “find a passion and stick with it; stay committed. If you work hard, you’ll get better.”
I started dancing when I was three and playing the piano when I was seven. I thought surely I would end up becoming a professional ballerina or a pianist or maybe both. When I left middle school, though, I realized continuing ballet would mean a far-from-typical high school career. After three years of being picked on and called “book reader,” the last thing I wanted was more abnormality in my life.
So, much to my dismay, I quit dancing and for a while, I felt like I had flushed 11 years of my life down the drain. Then in 10th grade, I wanted so badly to quit piano, but my parents wouldn’t let me. “You’ve come this far,” they would say. “You’re so good! You can’t quit.” So for the rest of high school, I practiced piano once a week and struggled my way through lessons.
When I look back on both of those situations, it’s clear the most fruit came out of my choice to quit dancing. I ended up playing lacrosse for four years and learned so much about playing on and leading a team. I also made more time for my social life and, through high school, grew out of my introverted shell. As for piano, I trudged along, never progressing far beyond my 10th grade talent. It makes me wonder if maybe quitting isn’t so bad after all.
This year, I fought with the desire to quit one of my biggest U.Va. commitments. I had been leading Young Life for almost two years, and I loved a lot of things about it. I loved hanging out with high school students and I loved the friendships I had formed, but my gut kept telling me it was time to quit. I described it to my friends as that feeling when you know you need to break up with your boyfriend, but you just don’t want to do it.
Two weeks ago, I ripped off the Band-Aid and it didn’t feel great. It never feels good to step back from involvements or to separate yourself from important relationships in life, but sometimes we have to do it. I felt stunted in Young Life and I realized I needed to bear the crappy consequences of stepping away in order to continue growing.
I’m not sure yet if quitting Young Life was the right choice. I’m not sure there ever really is a “right” choice. But I think it’s okay to step back for the sake of moving forward. It can be hard in college, when it feels like everyone’s climbing upwards, to admit you need to step away from one of your commitments. If you’ve been able to do so without feeling any hint of failure, disappointment or anxiety, please let me know. Slowly though, I’m learning that neither everything nor everyone can grow along with me. Inevitably, as I grow up I’m going to have to leave things behind.
Peyton’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at p.williams@cavalierdaily.com.
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