Last week I left a meeting with the professor in charge of my psychology lab with a piece of really good news: she was submitting a request for permission from the International Review Board to begin a study I helped design. I was overwhelmed with excitement — it was the kind of moment I wanted to share with someone immediately. However, the strangers passing by Garrett Hall at 4 p.m. weren’t exactly the people I had in mind. So I called my mom.
I was taken aback when rather than greeting me with a “Hello,” her immediate response was “Is everything okay?” At first I thought perhaps it was the time of day I called, as we normally talk on the phone later at night. But an unexpected call at 4 p.m. certainly warrants less concern than one coming at four in the morning. When I asked why she answered the way she did, my mom told me it was her instinct recently just to make sure. “I always assume a call from you means the worst,” she told me.
When I had shared my news and hung up the phone, I paused for a moment and tried to remember the last couple times I had called my mother: the day I received a D on my first biology test of the semester, the peak of a nasty cold when I had just run out of DayQuil, the moments in which all my interpersonal relationships seemed to be unraveling at once. They were times when I felt overwhelmed, when I simply needed the advice of someone neutral, removed and far more mature than I felt in the moment.
It occurred to me that over the course of my career at the University, I had conditioned my mother to associate a call from me with the breaking point. We communicated relatively regularly throughout the week via text message to share anecdotes and small updates, but the serious conversations were reserved for phone calls. And in the past, the serious conversations have almost always been bad ones.
There is no doubt when you reach the point of no return — when everything seems like just a little too much to handle — your mom is the person you should call. In those moments, it seems as if no one else has the power to make you believe you’ll find some extra credit opportunity to bring your grade up, give you the recipe for her special sore-throat remedy or simply offer a reminder that everything is going to be ok.
College is a series of highs and lows, and your parents understand that — they experienced many of the same ones themselves. And chances are, your mom is always going to be there on the other end of the phone to talk you through whatever is stressing you out, which makes it all too easy to fall into the habit of calling when you’re at your lowest for some last minute guidance. However, it’s important to remember sometimes those frantic, late night calls are the only way they can piece together how you’re doing. And while parents may understand the highs and lows which come along with the college experience, it doesn’t mean they don’t worry.
Call your mom more often. Pick a time during the week and make sure she can hear a smile in your voice. Conversations which occur at your highs are just as calming for her as those which occur at your lows are for you. Just like no one can cheer you up when you’re feeling down quite like your mom, I promise no one can share your good news quite like her either.
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