Dear [insert name],
I’m about to emotionally support you so hard.
It’s that time of year. The crippling stress of [academics/career prospects/personal relationships/other] electric-slides its way into your life as the days get colder and darker. You feel like you should be applying for summer jobs and internships, doing better academically, falling in love and [insert debilitating familial/personal obligation]. Recently, you may be feeling like 2007-KFed-era-Britney Spears — doing and feeling a lot. But, that’s not right. You are 1999 Britney. You just need to believe it.
You’re doing amazing, sweetie.
Maybe you’re a little insecure about your appearance these days. That’s all right. Everyone feels like a [Cabbage Patch Doll/decaying jack-o-lantern/Steve Bannon look-a-like] from time to time, but you’re genuinely [beautiful/handsome/other]. That’s a demonstrable fact. Really! According to a peer-reviewed poll that I just conducted, there are 100 people within a one-mile radius who would kill for the opportunity to [date/bang/unconditionally respect and support] you. That’s just science! I’m not just gassing you up here, either. I’m looking into those baby [blues/greens/browns/other] right now and wow. If you and I weren’t already such close, personal friends, I’d be inviting you back to my place for a nice homemade meal and some [insert non-platonic activity].
So, your academics then. Like the multistage, aerobic capacity test — the FitnessGram™ Pacer Test — school seems to get progressively more difficult as it continues. Nonetheless, you take it all in stride and always [achieve your goals/give it your best/make it to the Alderman bathroom stall before you start crying]. On a scale from one to 10, your intelligence is Matt Damon in that one bar scene of “Good Will Hunting.” And if you should get a bad grade ever once in a while, “it’s not your fault.”
Finally, I know you’re still upset about what happened between you and [insert name here], but [he/she/they] didn’t deserve you. I mean, c’mon, [she/he/they] looks like what would happen if an emotionally unavailable genie brought a [Vineyard Vines catalog/off-brand Polly Pocket/bottle of zesty ranch] to life. You don’t need that in your life. Unfollow [him/her/them] on all social media. Bump some bittersweet [SZA/Stevie Nicks/Smokey Robinson/Lou Bega of the 2009 musical triumph, “Mambo No. 5”]. Light some candles and take some time for you.
However, should this feel-better form-letter not suffice, just know that friends and mental health professionals can serve as a wonderful support system to help you get to a better place. My mom always says that a little stress is okay, even good sometimes, but when you “get snakes in your brain, don’t snuggle with them.” Don’t accept a deteriorated mental health as your new normal. Try to be cognizant that when you go to your darkest places, you tend to go alone, isolating yourself from friends and family. But with a little help and plenty of [selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors/conversation/herbal tea and lavender essential oils], you’ll be amazed at how good happy feels.
I’ll just leave you with this — I am so proud of you and you truly mean so much to me, [insert name].