As a fresh semester begins, second chances seem to be everywhere. Perhaps you are extending them to your first-year roommate who always demands to close the blinds. Or, maybe you cut some slack to the TA you run into in the Bodo’s line who graded your final way too low in May. For many students, however, retaking a class is the only second chance they are opting to extend.
But retakes are not always just limited to classrooms. This semester I have subjected myself to my first ever retake — “Ex-Boyfriend 1010.”
Though I am only freshly twenty, I cannot deny the overwhelming impact my ex has had on my life, marked by many firsts. We chose to take a break last January to enjoy a semester without the trials and tribulations of a long-distance relationship. We thought that perhaps we needed to explore what — or better yet who — might be out there and to grow into ourselves without each other for a while. But, after spending the summer at home together filled with late night drives in his Jeep and trips down to Cape Cod, we both couldn’t deny that we wanted to try things again.
While we were casually dating over our semester break, it was undeniably difficult to work around the thought of having to get to know someone new — to get used to their smell, their sense of humor and even their values. Now, it is comforting to know I am ahead of this curve, having already been reaccustomed to a relationship with my ex. Embarking on our fourth semester of long-distance, I am now more confident than ever that we will ace our relationship. Our communication is clearer and stronger. Our fights are fewer. Our excitement to watch each other succeed as individuals as well as partners has been off the charts.
To prepare for the semester, I spent the summer refamiliarizing myself with the “course materials” — his quirks, his kindness and, most of all, his ability to read me like a book. And the “syllabus” this time seems a bit more manageable.
Back when I first took “his course,” I learned how to mitigate minor arguments and establish good habits that would keep us on track to survive long distance this time around like planning trips to see each other far in advance and scheduling time to FaceTime during the week. The tests of our love won’t require as much brain power, and the safety net of already having done this before will allow us both to take a breath.
Like choosing to retake any class, the response has been varied. My friends have suddenly become my academic advisors, offering comments like, “Why don’t you just try something new this semester?” or, “Is it really worth all that time and effort that this ‘class’ came with in the first place?” The people in my inner circle took one glance at my “romance transcript” and concluded that the costs of jumping back in with my boyfriend were not worth the reward.
Retaking love, however, will never be as linear a goal as obtaining a GPA boost. The thought of a worse grade the second time around seems even more painful than just losing your spot on the Dean’s List — and you could possibly lose yourself in another heartbreak in the process.
To me, the shot at a second chance in my relationship shouldn’t be undermined by last semester’s uphill battle. Perhaps what makes getting back together with an ex so tricky is that everyone around you knows about the failing grade on the first attempt. For me, this has led to some complicated self-reflection — am I retaking my relationship because I truly believe we can do better, or am I in it just to prove the outside voices wrong?
Sure, proving the skeptics wrong might offer a bit of an ego boost. But now that I’m a few weeks in, the conclusion I have reached is that retaking my boyfriend is not a waste of “tuition” or time. He motivates me to be a better version of myself every day. Having a home base to share my day to day ingoings with is After being apart all of last semester and the beginning of the summer, we both eventually reached the same conclusion — sometimes it takes a bit of distance to realize just how badly you do need something.
That was just the case here. I needed the time to contemplate the long-term value of retaking “Ex-Boyfriend 1010.” Now that I’ve settled back into Grounds, I am feeling more secure in my decision than ever. Taking a semester away from this relationship allowed for invaluable time to reflect on my own mistakes and why we embarked on a long distance relationship in the first place.
Maybe the risk is not worth taking. But we all have dreamed of a second chance to get it right, whether it be on that first-year economics midterm or to check for grammar on that failing essay. So when it comes to a great love, why not give it that second chance?
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