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(12/01/99 5:00am)
A FEW MORNINGS ago, I was wolfing down a bowl of cereal when the truth suddenly hit me. It's the millennium and we're all gonna die. No fooling. Needless to say, the realization stopped me in my tracks. I let my spoon clatter to the table as I pictured the Earth spinning off its axis, shooting sparks like some hellish bumper-car in an Orwellian theme park. What if it really happened? What if human civilization - monuments, libraries, supermarkets, all of it - suddenly careened toward the sun, dumping masses of people into the boiling maw of red-hot oblivion? Nervously, I gulped down a bite of sodden cereal and craned my neck out the kitchen window. It was quite sunny outside. Maybe a little too sunny for late November. The cereal stuck in my throat. Man, this was it, the end of the world. And I was a sitting duck.
(11/17/99 5:00am)
YOU HAVE to hand it to Jonathan Swift's dauntless Lemuel Gulliver. When he woke up that fine spring morning to discover himself hog-tied by a bunch of tiny island natives, he didn't fight. He just lay back and accepted things, like all good giants do when staring down the barrel of a no-win situation. In light of recent events, there can be no better example for Microsoft Chairman and CEO Bill Gates to follow.
(11/10/99 5:00am)
BY THIS point in the semester, undergraduate life has a certain monotonous rhythm. Each morning, we get up and go to class. For several hours, we sit in a classroom, taking pages of mindless notes. Then we go home and prepare to repeat it all again the next day.
(11/03/99 5:00am)
AS A NATIVE Baltimorean, I have absolutely no reason to look forward to the World Series each year. In fact, I usually stop paying attention to baseball-related press coverage around the fifth game of the season, when the Orioles' incurable "losing streak" effectively takes Baltimore out of the running.
(10/27/99 4:00am)
SYNCHRONIZE your watches, people. In T-minus four days, Halloween festivities will descend upon America's streets, engulfing the nation in a huge, candy-scented mushroom cloud of blissful entertainment. For that single, dizzy, delirious night, our nation's seemingly listless youth will band together in a costumed confederacy of goody-related greed. Man, oh, man - it's gonna be sweet.
(10/23/99 4:00am)
UNTIL recently, I thought of my father as your basic pen-and-pencil type of guy. Give him a sheet of paper and some kind of gilded, expensive writing utensil, and he happily will compose pages of fine prose. Although I just am beginning to realize and appreciate this now, I gained early exposure to my father's penchant for handwritten communication.
(10/13/99 4:00am)
I BELIEVE it was Shakespeare's Juliet who quipped some delightful balrderdash about names and how they don't matter. If I recall correctly, however, she ended up at the wrong end of a pointy dagger by the time Act V came around. So much for all that radical "a-rose-is-a-rose" talk.
(10/06/99 4:00am)
ACADEMICAL village, schmacademical village - who really believes in it anymore? I mean, there are myths and there are myths. And then there are whoppers.
(09/29/99 4:00am)
PSSST ... come over here. Yeah, you. I'm gonna tell you a secret, my friend. All those pre-millennium travel plans you're making? You're about one year too early. That's right. The 20th century will, in fact, last a full 100 years, despite global efforts to the contrary.
(09/22/99 4:00am)
AS THIS paper goes to print, I am the only black columnist on staff at the Cavalier Daily Opinion Department.
(09/15/99 4:00am)
THROUGH me the way to the suffering city, Through me the way to the eternal pain, ...
(09/08/99 4:00am)
IT SEEMS, my fellow Wahoos, as if the gauntlet has been thrown. The Cavalier Daily reported Sept. 2 that the College is looking into ways to curb trends of grade inflation.
(09/01/99 4:00am)
THE U.S. victory at this summer's Women's World Cup soccer finals added yet another item to America's registry of puritanical no-nos. In the glorious tradition of all interesting scandals, this one involves underwear.
(07/19/99 4:00am)
LAST TIME I checked, the Brooklyn Bridge wasn't on the real estate market. Yet every time I turn around, it seems some TV executive is trying to sell it to me. This week, the huckster in question was CBS president Leslie Moonves.
