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(05/01/17 4:22am)
Well, here we are. It’s May, and on the 20th day of this month, I’ll graduate from college. At least, I think I will. I haven’t spoken to my advisor lately, so I’m not totally sure. I’ve been skipping all my classes for a couple of years now, but I slipped President Teresa Sullivan a hundred bucks last week, so let’s hope she’s as keen on bribery as our dear founder Thomas Jefferson probably was.
(04/27/17 5:02am)
I hate to sound like a member of the liberal elite, but I’ll say it: I read the news. Garfield, Dennis the Menace, Peanuts, The Family Circus — hell, I’ll even read Doonesbury if I’m feeling particularly high falutin. And on my way to reading these, the important part of newspapers, I have to flip through the other boring pages, so I sometimes notice the headlines. This is how I have become a fountain of knowledge, able to rattle off newsy little bits of information such as: “The temperature was a high of 67 degrees yesterday,” and, “Hillary won the popular vote.”
(04/20/17 5:15am)
There are a lot of things to love about springtime. The weather is starting to get warmer, the birds are chirping sweet melodies and my affinity for public nudity is — though still illegal according to my latest court summons — more seasonally appropriate. But there’s one part of spring I can’t stand: the pollen. It ruins everything.
(04/06/17 4:07am)
I never used to want to be president. It always seemed like a lot of work. My work ethic makes me more suited for a job like reality show host or being super rich. Lately, though, I’ve had to rethink things. You know what I think would be awesome about being president? Getting to complain about stuff all the time. This is, of course, a perk that presidents (George Washington through Barack Obama) totally failed to cash in on. Sad! But this latest guy? Man, he knows how to do it. He complains like it’s his job! Like, you might start to wonder if he actually believes it is his official position — complainer-in-chief. Now that’s a title I’d like to have.
(03/31/17 4:30am)
Like any dutiful citizen, I remain an active participant in my local, statewide and national governments by holding firm, immovable opinions on absolutely everything, even those things about which I know nothing. You can ask me about any of my beliefs. What, for instance, do I think about health care? I’m all for it. Infrastructure? Sounds legit. Military? There definitely is one! Try to argue with me on any of these things and you’ll get nowhere. These are my beliefs! I formed them on a whim one day and I will stand by them until it stops being convenient for me to do so!
(03/20/17 4:08am)
If you’re wondering, I still don’t have a job. I’m not sure if it’s because of the economy or workplace discrimination against very good-looking people or the fact that I haven’t applied to anything, but here we are.
(02/23/17 5:02am)
As graduation approaches, so does my entrance into the working world. Nowadays, everyone seems to want to know what I’ll be doing after I finish college. “Nora,” they say to me, “you look incredibly beautiful today, just like every other day of the year. Also, you are wise and seem like you have won a lot of awards, often without even trying that hard at all. So anyway, what are you doing after graduation?” In the course of the conversation, it will inevitably come up that I am an English and Media Studies double-major, which always leads to looks of pity.
(12/02/16 6:28pm)
Okay, it’s been a few weeks. We can talk about it now, right? We’ve taken time to mourn, and now we all walk into the nearest bookstore and pick up our copies of, “So, Your Next President Is A Total Bigot.” In your post-election turmoil, you might be wondering: What do we do now? Well, I think the first step is obvious. First, we express our gratitude that somebody wrote “So, Your Next President Is A Total Bigot.” I mean, the forethought that must have required! It takes a long time to write and publish a book. Not to mention you’re taking a huge gamble, because if by some miracle the country does not elect a total bigot, then your book is useless and goes in the clearance pile with all the romance novels that didn’t have enough sex scenes to really get the people going.
(11/17/16 6:56am)
The other day, I had to go get a flu shot. Plagued by a lifelong fear of needles, I was not too keen on this idea, but my mom said I had to do it, and as with all children and their mothers, I am pretty scared of her. This was my sole reason for going. When I was in 4th grade, I was the understudy to play the coveted role of Egyptian Lady in my class play about Ancient Egypt. It was a kickass show, complete with several musical numbers and just a pinch of cultural appropriation. I was psyched to play Egyptian Lady, but Julie Frank got the role over me and I was distraught. But THEN Julie got the flu the day before the show, so I got to go on in her place. It rocked. Thus, the flu and I are old friends. Also, I am not worried about getting the flu because I don’t actually know what happens to you when you get it, and my general philosophy is that if I can’t understand it, I don’t fear it! This is why I have never read a single book in my entire life. Shrouded in a blissful cloak of ignorance, I am scared of almost nothing. Except for needles and my mom.
(10/06/16 10:01pm)
I am well-versed in the ways of the Internet. Each day I browse the web in search of the next key to being better than everyone else. Today’s panacea for mediocrity? Succulents. According to Pinterest and people who have time to write blogs about basically nothing, owning succulents is a great way to become a calmer person. Look no further, stressed college students! The cure for anxiety is here.
(09/14/16 1:19pm)
As an avid Facebook user, I frequently check the “Trending News” section on the right side of my newsfeed, which lists news stories by keyword. If you see a keyword that interests you, you can hover over it to learn more about the news story. The section also sorts news into categories such as politics, sports, entertainment and science, and ranks news stories by popularity online. The more users there are engaging with a story, the longer it will remain in the section.
(08/31/16 5:16am)
Last week, actress and comedian Leslie Jones faced a brutal cyber attack in which hackers took over her website and posted racist imagery, pictures of Jones’s driver’s license, passport and nude photos. The site went dark shortly after the attack. The culprits behind the hack are still unknown, though the incident is now under investigation by the Department of Homeland Security.
(04/12/16 4:10am)
A while ago, I got into an argument with a male friend of mine over the gender pay gap in the United States. On average, full-time working women in the United States earn 78 cents for every dollar their male counterparts will make. This friend argued the disparity is largely due to the fact that women simply do not ask for salary raises as often as men do. At first, I rejected this idea completely. There is no way, I thought, that such a huge wage gap could exist simply because we have not asked for more money. But I went home and looked into the idea of what is know as the “ask gap,” and it turns out there is some research to back it up.
(03/24/16 6:11am)
The tendency of some University students to scream “Not gay!” in the middle of the Good Old Song has long been a topic of controversy. Everybody talks about it and acknowledges that it’s wrong and shameful. And then the next football game rolls around, and it’s still there. I am not the first or even 500th person to address the issue. By now you’ve probably seen a few articles, a couple blog posts and maybe a speech or a tweet from Dean of Students Allen Groves, when he wasn’t busy high-fiving people like it’s his job (is that his job? Unclear). Anyhoo, this author does not aim to lecture you on what you already know — that it’s wrong, it’s homophobic and it ruins a beloved University tradition that only rolls around on the rare occasion when opposing football teams take pity on us and allow a touchdown. Instead, I’d like to reach out to all you “Not gay!” chanters out there with a simple question: why?
(03/23/16 5:55am)
Recently, students at Oberlin College became outraged over what they deemed cultural appropriation in dishes served in the dining hall. Specifically, students protested the inauthenticity of Asian dishes. A student-written article regarding the issue lamented the “gross manipulation of traditional recipes.” It quoted one student who said, “When you’re cooking a country’s dish for other people, including ones who have never tried the original dish before, you’re also representing the meaning of the dish as well as its culture.”
(03/02/16 6:55am)
On Feb. 19, a judge denied a motion made by singer Kesha to release her from her contract with Sony. Kesha wanted to be released from the contract because it requires her to continue working with producer Dr. Luke. She has accused him of physically, verbally and sexually assaulting her for years, also claiming that Sony turned a blind eye to the abuse.
(02/10/16 7:35am)
This past week marked the 23rd anniversary of the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993, or FMLA, a law signed under President Bill Clinton requiring all U.S. employers to offer 12 weeks of unpaid leave to full-time workers to care for newborn children or other family members. The law has been heavily criticized by some, particularly in the Republican Party, who believe government should not have control over employers’ policies. Sen. John Boehner called it “another example of yuppie empowerment.”
(01/20/16 5:00am)
On Jan. 2, a group of armed citizens broke into the headquarters of a federal wildlife refuge as the start of an ongoing standoff in protest of what they believe to be government tyranny. Led by Ammon Bundy, the white — mostly male — group points to the sentencing of ranchers Steven and Dwight Hammond as the catalyst for the standoff. The Hammonds were convicted of committing arson on federal property in Oregon, allegedly in an attempt to cover up evidence of poaching. Bundy and his fellow armed militants argue the federal government should not have ownership of lands like the wildlife refuge. Rather, they believe the land belongs to the public, and government ownership prevents people from “reclaim[ing] their resources.”
(11/19/15 5:05am)
Rejoice, my many readers! Or, if we’re being honest about my readership, rejoice, my parents’ Facebook friends! I finally cleaned my room!
(10/21/15 4:00am)
Last month, a group of inmates from the Eastern New York Correctional Facility went up against the Harvard College Debating Union in a debate. In an unexpected twist, the team of inmates won. These inmates are a part of the Bard Prison Initiative, a program that offers a full time college education to inmates in both minimum and maximum security prisons in the state of New York. The program has been running for about 15 years, beginning with only a few inmates and growing in number over time. It now enrolls about 300 incarcerated men and women, providing them with over 60 courses from which to choose.