Class of 2024 to Celebrate Final Exercises with Physical Activity
Editor’s Note: This article is a humor column.
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Editor’s Note: This article is a humor column.
Is that grade that you worked so hard for just out of reach? Are a few tenths of a percentage point tormenting you day and night? Do you really want to clinch an A? Then, you’re in luck. There’s a not-so-secret technique that can help you out in spectacular fashion. The practice is known by many names. Some call it grade grubbing, some call it point scavenging, and others call it life. Nevertheless, the purpose is all the same — you want your grade to go from where it is to where it needs to be. Thankfully for you, the gods have spoken to me, and they have shown me the infallible methods. I bring you, in stone tablet form, the five most effective ways to get a grade raised. I have the unique and saintly opportunity to present these unto you, the masses. With finals behind, this is your only recourse!
The U.Va. Dine Board of Directors have reported that O’Hill’s meat, specifically the pork and beef, has gained consciousness well ahead of the projected Oct. 29 marker.
Always ahead of its time, the University has become the first public university in the country to switch its semester-based grading system into a marketplace of GPA dollars. One’s place in the graduating class will be decided by these dollars, with the richest understandably finishing at the top of the class. The move was catalyzed by complaints from the Alumni Association, claiming the School of Commerce’s exorbitantly high tuition “does not disproportionately benefit students of higher socioeconomic backgrounds enough.”