Love Connection: Cary & Sharon
What extracurriculars do you participate in?\nUniversity Democrats, Tau Beta Pi (Engineering honor frat).
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What extracurriculars do you participate in?\nUniversity Democrats, Tau Beta Pi (Engineering honor frat).
Watch out, first-years. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but November has proven to be the month of breakups for high school sweethearts who have continued to date into college.
Halloween was just a couple of days ago, and people seemed to take the whole weekend to celebrate. While I was out at night, I saw that matching costumes were clearly all the rage among couples. I think this is mostly because the girlfriends wanted their boyfriends to be clearly identified as being with them. After all, Halloween night is full of scantily clad girls wearing nothing more than a bra, panties and some bunny ears. Maybe a poofy tail. Based on some hard Halloween weekend research, I've put together my personal picks of the best and worst couples' Halloween costumes for you to keep in mind for next year.
The exponential increase of wedding photo albums on my Facebook newsfeed during the past couple of years has been truly astounding. I remember when getting married was something way off in the distance, like getting a real job or spending your first Christmas away from mom and dad. A couple of years ago, nobody I knew was getting married. Sure, children of my parents' older friends were inviting them to weddings and I heard stories of a friend of a friend of a friend getting married right out of high school, but the wedding craze had not affected anybody I knew personally.
As I wrote in my last column, I have a wonderful boyfriend named Ryan. For the past few months, I've been diving deep into the world of meeting the parents, cooking dinners for two and shopping for couples' Halloween costumes - I'm still trying to convince him to wear a Speedo covered in leaves as the Adam to my Eve.
I have a boyfriend. Can I say it any louder? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! He is cute and sweet and incredibly wonderful, and I'll talk about him for hours to anyone who will listen - namely other girls with boyfriends, who will only listen to me if I sit and listen to them talk about their boyfriends afterward. Thanks, Stephanie.
I absolutely cannot believe that school has started again; this summer flew by even more quickly than the last and it feels so weird to be back.\nThere are two new changes in my male-centric world since last semester. One, I now live with two guys instead of five girls. My dad said he would be OK with this as long as I didn't sleep with both of them. Not that I couldn't sleep with one of them, just not both of them, because that could get messy. Easy enough.\nTwo, I now have a lovely new boyfriend - who I thought would keep me from writing more risqu
It’s the last full week of school, and as always, I feel like it came out of nowhere. With exams coming up and my schedule feeling more packed than ever, my thoughts are becoming just as scattered. My parting words for the semester will reflect all the things I’ve learned throughout this crazy year.First, let me start with some advice that most people should know by now. Never go home with a stranger. Yeah, everyone knows they’re not supposed to, but someone always ends up doing it anyway. I hope the following example keeps that from happening again. My roommate’s brother’s girlfriend’s friend’s friend — stay with me here — was out at a club one night and met some guy. They danced for a while, made out a little and then she wanted to go home with him. Her other friends at the club talked her out of it, so she left without him. A couple of days later, she got this strange rash on her face, neck and mouth where he had been kissing her, so she went to the doctor. The doctor just could not figure out what was wrong with her, so after researching it online, he told her that the rash was from a kind of bacteria one could only get by — get this — being a cannibal (!!!). If she had ended up going home with him, she could’ve been eaten! What more reason do you have to never go home with a stranger again? Admittedly, after researching this exclusive cannibals-only rash for myself, I can’t really find much scientific evidence to back it up. So it might just be an urban legend, but still ... just the thought of that ever happening should keep anyone from going home with a stranger ever again!The second thing I’ve learned this year is: Don’t ever stop yourself from saying exactly what you want to say. I write about whatever I want to in this column, despite the fact that my peers and professors may read it. They can get over it. My dad told me he had to stop forwarding the link to my more elderly relatives because the material was getting too risqué for them. I just thought they could use a good dose of excitement. And with the presidential election last semester, I found it hard to stop myself from spouting off about my political leanings, especially to guys who tended to lean the exact opposite way. At first it would seem not to be the best way to nab a date — by calling his presidential pick a moron and all — but being passionate about something, anything, is more attractive than keeping your mouth shut. And who knows, maybe it’ll escalate into a passionate, heated, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy sort of angry love romp.Third important lesson is to just keep trying. Even when things seem like they can’t get any worse, don’t give up because you never know what crazy thing is going to happen next. I just met a fourth-year student who has to go back to Thailand after graduation to work, while her boyfriend stays to work in Virginia. It’s tragic, really, but they’re going to give it a shot because that’s all they can do. And on a less serious note, I’m going to not one but two formal dinners and dances this weekend, trying again to have some sort of prom-like experience after my real life high school prom ended with the discovery that my date had a secret 26-year-old girlfriend. She helped him pick out his tux. Seriously. But here I am, putting on the same old prom dress — so happy it still fits — and going out for a second run through. Pushing through it, trying again, not giving up; it will all seem worth it at some point.Finally, the most important thing: Without some fabulous friends to share all of the ridiculously heinous, perfectly wonderful, terribly heartbreaking stories about the first dates and initial kisses of hopeful beginnings to the last dates and final kisses of disappointing endings, none of it would be the same. With the risk of going all “Sex and the City” series finale on you, I just want to make it clear that all of my horrifying stories only become funny the morning after, when I get to recount them with my best friends over an omelet at O’Hill. They make it all worth it.So, enjoy your summers. Do something crazy. It will make for a great story the morning after. ’Till next year!Jordan’s columns run biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
I’m a 19-year-old second-year at one of the best colleges in the country, but when it comes to guys, I still feel like I’m a 13-year-old kid with a terrible perm and a mouthful of braces. Like most University students, I am old enough to do my own laundry, cook my own meals and pay my own bills. We can act like we’re adults, speak like we’re adults and date like we’re adults. And though we’ve thought that we’ve been maturing this whole time, my guess is that most of us are just as juvenile as we were in the 1990s. It’s true that a lot has changed as we’ve grown up, but so much more has stayed exactly the same.If a guy is mean to you, it just means he likes you — just as it did during our days on the playground. When I spend hours using Facebook Chat, it’s just like I’m in middle school again, wasting time on AIM talking to boys right up until my bedtime. The only difference is that with Facebook, I no longer have to be bold enough to ask for their screen names — only if they’ll be my friends. Today, we have CollegeACB — the “New Juicy Campus” — to spread the same kinds of horrible rumors that we did in high school, only faster than we ever could in our school cafeterias.We’re still playing games, but instead of hopscotch and four square, we’re playing mind games. A girl I know “accidentally” leaves something behind whenever she hangs out with a guy just so she has an excuse to see him again. So far, this has resulted in three boyfriends and seven non-returned earrings. And, as I type this, another friend is sitting outside on a picnic bench because she knows her crush walks home right by it around this time.But what is playing hard-to-get if it’s not a game? The word ‘playing’ is right in the title.I have another friend who likes to give guys special nicknames without them knowing so that she can talk about them in public — and it’s much easier than trying to remember everyone’s names. They’re not quite “Four-eyes” or “Braceface,” but they’re close. The most obvious ones are the descriptive nicknames, like “The Minor,” who was sadly not yet 18, or “Ogreface,” who doesn’t really need an explanation. Then there are the nicknames with the more interesting back stories. “Nun Chucks” got his name when he gave my friend a monster hickey that her naïve suitemate believed was caused when she was hit in the neck with a pair of nun chucks. And you don’t know this, “Guy Who Hooked Up With My Roommate At A Party,” but we’ve been calling you “Kermit” for the past year-and-a-half. I think it’s because you were wearing all green and had a frog voice. Still, my favorite nickname of all time is yours, “Mo.” Sorry to let you know in The Cavalier Daily, but my friends and I all know you as “Voldemort.”Last year, on my first real date in college, a nice first-year took me out to Lemongrass for dinner. I finally felt like a real, full-fledged adult. I wore a dress and curled my hair and let him pull out my chair and pay for my meal. I was very aware of the fact that we were acting like grownups and was psyched when he said, “So ... you wanna come back to my place?” — a line straight out of every teen movie I had worshipped in the 1990s. Of course I said yes. The plan was to meet some friends at his place to mingle and drink champagne. How much older could I get? I got there and he proceeded to pour stolen champagne into plastic red Solo cups as we sat around on his floor. We were definitely not as cool or mature as I thought we were.Despite the fact that we act grown up and pretend like we’re living in the real world, I think most of us act just as childish as we did in elementary school. I hope this wasn’t a shock to anyone. The only thing we can do now is keep trying to act mature. But I’ve got to stop writing — the girl on the picnic bench is really me, and that guy should be walking home any minute now. Jordan’s columns run biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
The past week has been quite an experimental one for me. During the last few days, I’ve done three male-related things that I’d never thought I’d do before. I went on a blind date, took strip tease lessons and made out with someone on a frat party dance floor (yeah, I was that girl). I would recommend two of the things I did to others — but advise just staying away from one of the activities. Can you guess which one I wouldn’t recommend?On Friday, I went on a blind date. Setting up the dates for Love Connection every week should have desensitized me to the nerve-wracking elements of a blind date. The daters I interview always seem to have a fun time and good meal and seem to end up on at least decent terms with each other. When my BFF Stephanie set me up with a guy in an a capella group here, as a swooning girl, I just couldn’t say no to that. The day before, I was able to message him on Facebook so that we could interact a bit and so that I knew what he looked like. In that sense, I was already miles ahead of the Love Connection daters. I had no reason to be nervous, but I was terrified. If it was awful, at least I’d have more material for my column, I rationalized. We went out for dinner and then went to a bonfire, and he was a very gentlemanly date. He sang more than any other dates I’ve had, but I guess that’s what I signed up for. He even said he’d serenade me during his solo at the next concert. Not bad for a blind date! I would recommend that everyone try this and put themselves out there at least once while in college.Earlier that day, I took strip tease lessons with four of my besties at a dance studio on Rio Road. It was an exercise class in a mirrored room with five stripper poles bolted to the ground. We went through a workshop and learned the sexy walk, basic pole dance, floor work, erotic dance and strip tease. I learned a bunch of really great moves and I won’t say which, but a few of those moves came in handy later that night. You’re welcome. The class absolutely was the most fun I’ve ever had exercising — a fantastic afternoon in general. If only sexy firemen used the poles that well. And in addition to the rocking dance moves, I got to bond with my girlfriends. I highly, highly advise everyone, especially the ladies — although they also teach a male-only pole dance class — to sign up for at least one workshop. While you’re there, ask the instructor to show you what she can do. There’s some move where she’s upside down, five feet up the pole, holding on with only the back of one thigh. It blew my mind.Lastly, on Saturday night, I became one of the many people to succumb to a DFMO, or a Dance Floor Make Out. Saturday was a long night and as I was about to leave the party, I ran into a guy and decided to stay for one more dance. I set my bag and coat down on the floor and began to shake my hips like I learned in the class the day before. Front-to-back dancing led to front-to-front dancing which led to against-the-wall dancing, which lead to a DFMO. Oops! As someone who always hates those people at parties who get a little too freaky right in front of me, I really didn’t mean to turn into one of them. But I couldn’t help it. I remember trying to make sure no one I knew saw us. But they saw us. Oh well, worse things could have happened. This is definitely something, however, I would not suggest for the rest of you.So two out of three’s not bad; Two of my risks paid off and the other did not. But, still, I went out and tried new things. It’s college and experimentation is what it’s all about, right? So go out there and take charge. Grab your crush and do something you’ve never done before. Just don’t do it on a dance floor in front of your friends. Jordan’s column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
As I navigate through the muddled waters of U.Va. dating culture, I find that a lot of the guys here have the same sorts of awful afflictions. It seems as if they’ve all been infected with the same type of problems, none of which seem to have a cure. So I thought I’d take the time to break them down for you.First of all, there’s the classic case of narcissism. Yes, we can tell that you work out seven days a week, and yes we can see your brand name clothing and your hair carefully styled into a casual mess under your backwards ball cap. But no, it doesn’t make us like you any more.Then, there’s the pervasive problem of forgetfulness. Maybe they don’t remember that we wrote on their Facebook walls, gave them our numbers or had a class with them for an entire semester. Yeah, that’s it. They forgot, because they definitely didn’t blow us off on purpose.The forgetfulness ties in with the next affliction: some sort of woman-induced attention deficit disorder. As an example, allow me to tell yet another embarrassing story to an all-too-large audience. A few weeks ago, I was at a party and thought I was hitting it off with some guy. We had been hanging out for a while, flirting and dancing — the usual. After one of the songs, I stepped outside to make a quick phone call. When I came back in, he was in another room sitting on a couch, chatting with another girl. I decided to sit down with the two of them and try to join the conversation. It didn’t work. The next thing I knew, they were going at it and I was the only other person in the room, sitting on the directly adjacent couch cushion. Some boys can’t seem to focus on one thing (i.e. a girl) for a decent amount of time before their attention is turned elsewhere (i.e. another girl).On the other end of the spectrum, though, is something comparable to an obsessive disorder, where a guy just won’t get the hint that you’re not interested. It definitely turns into an obsession when guys continue to go after us once we’ve already turned them down. If we didn’t return your phone call, e-mail or text the first, second, third or fourth time, we probably won’t return the fifth. That makes you obsessive. The sad part is that if we liked you a little bit more, the persistence might be considered romantic. It seems that romance is only romance if we like you. This includes surprising us with flowers, throwing pebbles at our windows in the middle of the night and whisking us off on a dream vacation. Putting these things in the context of us not liking you so much, however, makes them weird, creepy and — in the last case — illegal. So make sure your romantic gestures are being perceived as romantic gestures, or else you’re just another one of the boys on Grounds suffering from an unhealthy obsession.Another awful problem is the Kissing Disease. No, I’m not talking about Mononucleosis, just the affliction of bad kissing. Subsets of this problem include the Novacaine (the useless flopping of a limp tongue), the Gecko (a little rapid darting tongue) and the Ice Cream Cone (this one’s almost self-explanatory). Those are all really, truly terrible. Honestly, I think I’d rather have the Mono type of kissing disease than be hit by another Gecko.Jordan’s column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
So, Valentine’s Day was a couple of days ago. Flowers were purchased, chocolates were eaten and thoughtful men all over the country finally got laid.Flowers, chocolate and jewelry are all typical Valentine’s Day clichés, but as they said on “Grey’s Anatomy” last week, they’re clichés for a reason — because they work. If your girlfriend is an anti-establishment hipster with an eyebrow ring, maybe flowers and chocolate and jewelry aren’t your best option. But for most girls, they tend to work.Still, guys, more creative gifts are always appreciated. A book by our favorite author, a mixed CD or a nice sweater are all completely welcome Valentine’s gifts. Just make sure you buy clothing in the proper size. If you buy it a size too large, we’ll accuse you of thinking we’re fat.Personally, I’ve found that boys tend to miss the mark when it comes to buying gifts. Not just for Valentine’s Day, but for all holidays. Guys just can’t seem to shop for the right present. I miss the elementary school days when we decorated a shoebox container for our valentines and had to make one for everyone in the class. Simple. And you’re always guaranteed a card and candy.This isn’t the case anymore. Frankly, I think guys could use a lesson in gift-giving.For example, in the ninth grade, my new boyfriend bought me a Bible for Valentine’s Day. Never mind the fact that we had been dating for only a month. Never mind the fact that we had never talked about religion before. Never mind the fact that he had no idea what my religious beliefs were. I’m not bashing God or religion or even Bibles, but it felt like he was telling me that I needed God in my life because I was too loose-moraled for him. Kind of an inappropriate gift.And alright, I’ll admit that girls aren’t always the best present shoppers either. When my little brother was in the sixth grade, he had a new “girlfriend” when Valentine’s Day rolled around. I use the quotation marks because in the sixth grade, group dates were barely happening, let alone real dates or even — gasp! — kissing. But Valentine’s Day seems to span all generations and a present was still deemed necessary. My parents took my brother out to buy his “girlfriend” a little teddy bear from Bath and Body Works with its arms wrapped around an assortment of lotions. Appropriate gift. In return, the little girl stole a $20 bill out of her mom’s wallet and gave it to my brother at school. Inappropriate gift. First, a $20 bill is never seen as a thoughtful present; second, it was stolen from her mom and third, it wasn’t even wrapped. My parents had to call her mom to return the rogue $20.I asked around to see if any of my friends received any dreadful Valentine’s gifts. One girl’s boyfriend carved her a submarine out of wood. That’s thoughtful, I guess, but also kind of weird. Another friend received “Saw 1”, “Saw 2” and “Saw 3” on DVD. Nothing says “I love you” like a man cutting off his own foot with a rusty saw. And then there’s my dad, who frequently buys my mom things like ironing boards and vacuums. I would be offended but surprisingly enough, my mom loves them. Maybe it’s a marriage thing.All in all, I guess guys can sometimes be misguided in their attempts to buy Valentine’s Day presents. But at least they’re trying. At least they care enough to make an attempt to please us. At least they put themselves out there enough to give us things like wooden submarines, which they obviously went to great lengths to make. Girls, my advice to you is that for next Valentine’s Day, try to be open-minded about the gifts you receive. And guys, maybe say ix-nay to anything involving a masked man named Jigsaw. And one final recommendation: If worse comes to worse, you could always get what my roommate Nora got for Valentine’s Day — a male stripper. In my mind, always a welcome gift.Jordan’s column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
I really enjoy writing a column for The Cavalier Daily. I rarely get e-mails (so send me e-mails!), but I do know that at least a few people around Grounds read my columns. They are also published online so technically people all over the world could read them, too. One of the problems that comes with writing a column, though, is that my parents delight in reading it every week online. They get to read firsthand about all of my dating experiences. I bet Carrie Bradshaw didn’t have to deal with that.My dad, in particular, likes to point out how I frequently poke fun at ex-boyfriends and less-than-perfect dates and rarely partake in any self-deprecating humor, teasing myself instead of those poor boys. So here it is, ladies and gentlemen, for your reading pleasure. I’m starting the semester out on the right foot and listing my top three all-time most embarrassing, humiliating, mortifying moments involving the opposite sex. I dedicate this to my mom and dad. Enjoy.Number One: I’m from Virginia Beach, and every Christmas the boardwalk is opened for cars to drive down and look at the Christmas lights strung all over the buildings by the beach. My family had a big SUV and one night, we decided to go check out the lights. My mom and dad were up front, my younger brother and my visiting grandmother in the middle, and my boyfriend and I were in the third row of seats in the back, a full car. With his arm around my shoulder, the boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to mildly grope my chest as we drove down the boardwalk in the dark. Keep in mind, this was sophomore year of high school, and appropriateness didn’t begin to cross our minds. Later that night, my dad suggested that before riding in my boyfriend’s parents’ car, I should make sure they don’t have a rearview mirror. Because things from the back are reflected up front. Oops. Sorry, Grandma.Number Two: Different year, different boyfriend. Embarrassed as I am to say it, hickeys were the new popular accessory, and my flame of the year ended up with a nice-sized bruise right on his neck. Telling people he was hit in the neck with a baseball bat seemed to us to be a decently believable lie. Turns out it wasn’t. One night at his house, his mom politely asked me to refrain from Hoovering her son’s neck. Yikes.Number Three: Shortly after starting my first year at U.Va., I was anxious to watch one of my soon-to-be favorite traditions: streaking the Lawn. A friend and I sat on the steps of the Rotunda and settled down to watch the streakers. We really enjoyed catcalling and whooping at all of the naked boys running by us. One of the boys who ran by was making quite a show. He was doing naked somersaults in front of the Rotunda and we were cheering and whistling at the top of our lungs. When he nakedly ran up the steps we were sitting on, I realized I knew this guy. It was my ex-boyfriend. From high school. Running by me naked. The one who groped my boob in front of my grandma. And I was catcalling at him. Whoops again.So there, I hope you all are happy. Three of my most embarrassing boy-related moments. Or at least the ones that are toned down enough to be printed. Printed and read by my mom and dad, my neighbors, my classmates and my extended family. And it’s not until I just listed all of those people that I realized who else reads The Cavalier Daily. Namely, my professors. I hope they don’t ever put together that the girl who apparently gives monster-sized hickeys is the girl who sits quietly in the back of their classes. If so, I’m really sorry. As my cheeks are turning brighter and brighter red, I guess this is a good place to stop. I embarrassed myself once but don’t expect it to happen again. Watch out, boys. Next week I’m going right back to poking fun at you. Be warned.Jordan’s column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
Every other Monday when the love and dating theme fills the Life section, I always snatch up the paper and flip right to that section. No, I don’t get a secret thrill from reading my own articles. Actually, I often worry that someone will see me reading this section and recognize me, thinking I’m just reading my own article. So every other week I read The Cavalier Daily with my thumb covering up my little picture. But now I’m getting off topic. The real reason I like to flip to this section is to read is “Love Connection,” the big segment on that week’s blind date.I love that these students are so willing to put themselves out there just to find love — or at least to get a free meal and make a new Facebook friend. My favorite part is reading their responses to the questionnaire, trying to speculate as to how and why they were matched up together. To me, the most interesting question is “What are your dating deal breakers?” The answers are frequently things like “smokers,” “narcissism,” “guys that are shorter than me” or “girls that are taller than me.”If someone asked me the same question, I don’t think I’d have an answer. I don’t think I have any dating deal breakers that go into effect right off the bat. I would, and have, given all smokers, egomaniacs and shorter guys a chance at a date before immediately writing them off. Does this mean I’m desperate? You might think so. But I think it just means that I try not to judge a book by its cover, so to speak. My dating deal breakers occur later on in a relationship, after he’s had more of a chance.Last semester, for example, I dated a guy who was a few inches shorter than me. At 5-foot-5, I’m not exactly Adriana Lima (well, I kind of am, but just not in the height department). And at 5-foot-3, he liked to remind me that Tom Cruise and James Madison are also short but accomplished men. The height issue was never really a problem, except when I would get a little bit drunk at parties and insist that whoever was taking a picture of us take it from the waist up, so that beneath the frame I could bend my knees a little and squat down. Voila, instant height change in a photo, sans Photoshop.Another typical deal breaker has to do with age. Once in high school I took a small risk and dated a boy a couple of years younger than I was. Now, I’m no cougar, but Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore were big at the time so I gave it a shot. The age difference didn’t turn out to be too big of a problem at first. I always had to be the one to drive — he didn’t have his license yet — but he could always count on me to help him out with his homework. The deal breaker came after just a few dates and a first kiss, when he looked me in the eyes and said, “Jordan. I love you.” After three dates! Obviously the age difference came with an emotional difference as well. Definite deal breaker.Conversely, a friend of mine dated a boy who was much older than her. I won’t say exactly how much older, but I will say that they were in different decades. This age difference didn’t turn out to be a huge deal at first either ... until he took her home and she discovered he was still living with his parents.Another friend swore she would never date redheads, but ended up giving one a chance. They dated successfully for a little while until she found out that he refused to pee unless he was sitting down. That same friend also promised herself she wouldn’t be with anyone in the military because it would just be too hard. But when the right guy came along, she broke that rule, too, and they are now hopelessly in love.Having a “dating deal breaker” before you even get to know someone can screw you over in the long run. Maybe the guy that’s too short or girl that’s not blonde will turn out to be just what you were looking for. Don’t write someone off before even getting to know them. At least wait to call it off until you’re already in the relationship and find out that they secretly like to wear women’s underwear. Now that’s a definite deal breaker.Jordan’s column runs biweekly Monday. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
Election Day is tomorrow! All throughout the country, people will be voting for a man they want to lead the United States for the next four years. Four years! That’s a huge commitment to make to anyone. Can you imagine starting off a relationship by making a four-year commitment? This is a huge decision. When you go on a date, you’re committing to one date. When you vote for the president, you’re committing to four years of them in your life. If I was supposed to be committing four years of my life to a new boy right off of the bat, I’d put a lot more consideration into that decision. If dating was handled in the same way as a presidential election, things would be a lot different. First of all, if I was going to be promising to maintain a relationship with someone for four years, that person would have to do a great job of convincing me to do so. What do the presidential candidates do? They advertise! Therefore, any boy who wanted to run for the esteemed position of “My Boyfriend” would have to advertise as well. Each potential candidate would buy advertising time during all of my favorite television programs. Barack Obama and John McCain are spending billions of dollars to convince us to commit to them; why couldn’t a boyfriend do the same? The boyfriend candidates could run positive campaign ads for themselves or negative ads against each other. For example: “Last year, my opponent spent more than $400 in video games alone. My allowance went to charity. Choose me to be your next boyfriend, and change will come.”Besides commercials, potential boyfriends would hold public speeches and rallies, during which they would explain in detail why they are the best candidate for my love. They would stage debates with one another, attacking each other’s flaws, building up their own plans for our future and giving the camera, and me, one big Biden smile or a little Palin wink. If they really wanted to make me choose one of them to be “My Boyfriend,” they would work on making buttons, posters and bumper stickers. This way, all of my family and friends could proudly display the candidate they think I should be with.After a long campaign, I would finally make my choice of who would be spending the next four years as “My Boyfriend.” He would then be sworn in and our dating commitment would be solidified. My favorite part would be Inauguration Day, complete with parades and an Inauguration Ball to celebrate our new relationship. Of course, he could still be impeached from his spot if he did something terrible. For instance, Richard Nixon was almost impeached for hiding the Watergate tapes. I’m sure that finding out that my boyfriend lied about a hidden stash of pornography tapes in his closet would at least warrant some questioning and/or a trial.There’s a lot more that would change if my relationships with boys were more like my relationship with the president. For example, I often find that it’s hard to make boyfriends open up about how they’re feeling about our relationship. That’s why, instead of a State of the Union Address, we would have routine State of Our Union Addresses. These conferences would be perfect opportunities for my boyfriend to let me know how things are going with us. Another aspect that could be incorporated into dating is approval ratings. Good birthday presents, thoughtful text messages and exciting dates are all things that could make his approval ratings skyrocket. Forgetting Valentine’s Day or getting jealous about a male friend, however, could make his approval ratings quickly drop.All of these ideas seem kind of fun, but I’m guessing it couldn’t really work this way in real life. Thinking about choosing your boyfriend the same way you’d think about choosing your president most likely wouldn’t work out. Four years is a really long time to commit to someone right from the start, and it’s doubtful that any man would appreciate you giving him approval ratings. For now, I’m happy with just treating boyfriends as boyfriends and not as presidents. It’s probably for the best this way; I don’t know if I would like having the Secret Service around us all of the time, if you know what I’m saying.Jordan’s column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
Fact: Every boy who has ever dumped me has been hit by a car. No, I wasn’t driving the car, thank you very much. And don’t worry, they’re healed and healthy right now. But still — kind of a weird coincidence. So what does this mean to you? It means that if we ever end up dating, I’m either going to dump you or you will most likely be hit by a car. Hard not to be discouraged, huh?Regardless of how breakups work in your life — whether you’re more often the dumper or more often the dumpee, whether or not your ex gets hit by a car, whether you and your ex remain friends or whether you end up wishing they would get hit by a car — breaking up is a realistic part of relationships. In fact, breaking up is one of the most common events in relationships. Any relationship that ends at all could almost be seen as a failure. Therefore, during the span of someone’s dating career, they are bound to have many, many more failures than successes. Kind of depressing. After so many failed relationships, it’s hard not to see current boyfriends as merely future-exes. When introducing new flames to my parents, I have the urge to say “Hey Mom, I’d like you to meet ... my future ex-boyfriend,” because unless we’re going to get married, that’s what he’s bound to be. As I continue to rack up the new boyfriends, I continue to rack up the ex-boyfriends.I’ve been discovering recently that most exes go through a “High Fidelity” phase where they feel the need to get back in touch with all of their old flames. First, they’ll call you up just to “see how you’re doing” and then ask to get lunch later in the week. These phone calls always seem to come when the ex is going through some sort of existential crisis or when their newest girlfriend has left them ... and the phone calls inevitably happen around 2 a.m. I don’t know if the exes are trying to rekindle something, to remind themselves of why they left you or to convince themselves that they’ve moved on and are now doing much better than you. I don’t ever buy the “just wanted to see how you were doing” line. They didn’t feel the need to “see how I was doing” when they were in their last relationship. In the past, I would occasionally meet them for lunch but more lately, I feel like there’s no reason to do so. It ended for a reason and having an uncomfortable lunch won’t help either of us.I always admire the ex-couples who remain good friends after a breakup. Not the ex-couples who break up, say they are just good friends and then continue hooking up. I mean the ex-couples who can move on and then talk to one another about new relationships, without any hard feelings. I think those are really hard to find. The majority of ex-couples I see are filled with anger, jealousy and mostly awkwardness. The worst kind are those who constantly seek revenge for being wronged. There’s a whole Web site I found (but haven’t used) devoted to this concept. This Web site has a list of ways to do just that: make your ex pay. It has tips about how to screw with everything from their e-mail (how to sign them up for an overwhelming amount of spam) to their clothes (how to sew anti-shoplifting tags into their shirts for the next time they walk in and out of a store) to their house (how to turn the thermostat on full blast and Super Glue it into place). It’s weird how a person can go from someone you would do anything for to someone you would do anything to. If you’re willing to hurt someone so badly, does it mean that you never really cared about that person in the first place? Does the way a relationship ends fundamentally change how you view the relationship while it was good? Is any relationship that ends really considered a failure? Or could it still be a success as long as it was good while it lasted?Regardless of how relationships will end, worrying about the ending will just keep the present from being as good as it could be. So maybe I’ll stop thinking about my boyfriends as future exes and maybe I’ll also warn them to look both ways before crossing the street.Jordan’s column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
Dating is tough. There are plenty of cute guys at this University who catch my eye. There are something like 6,000 male undergraduates, so I really can’t complain about my options — and who’s to say I’d rule out most graduate students, either? So anyway, I’m having no trouble finding plenty of potential matches, which I guess is the first step, but then what’s the next? The hardest part for me is knowing where that invisible line is, the one dividing the friends from the more than friends, dividing the boy-space-friends from the boyfriends, dividing the “Yeah, I like her” from the “Yeah, I like like her.” What’s the difference between flirting and just being friendly? When do you know that the opposite party wants to take it one step further?In television and the movies, when a guy catches a girl’s attention, all she has to do is make eye contact, look back down, then look up again with fluttering eyelashes and a coy smile. Maybe she can even bite her lower lip a little bit. That’s how the guy can tell that the girl is interested. Then he walks over and buys her a drink. They make witty small talk, fall in love and the rest, as they say, is history. I feel like I can confidently say that I’ve mastered the eyelash batting and the coy smile, so let me tell you ... it does not work the same way it does in the movies.When does that exchange happen? That magical exchange when the member of each party realizes that they are meant to be more than just friends?Okay, I know I sound a bit like Carrie Bradshaw with all of these questions. Give me a break; I was this close to naming my column “SEX AND THE UniverSITY”. (Get it?) But seriously. Advancing a relationship from friends or acquaintances to more than friends can be pretty tough if you don’t know how the other person feels about you. And even when you do find out that they like you, it’s never really in the way you expect.For example, last semester I was studying with a male friend in his dorm room. We had traded philosophy notebooks so we could skim through each other’s notes for anything that could help us with our final. I scanned down the page, taking in the relevant information when I noticed all of the little sketches up and down the page margins. How cute! They were his doodles from when his mind would wander during class.Towards the left of the page there was a little drawing of a dolphin swimming underwater. Then to the right there was a stick figure man with a beard and a robe. Hmm, I guessed that was a sketch of Jesus. And then, right at the top center of the page, I saw a stick figure girl with dark hair, a little dress and rectangular-framed glasses.“Is this a picture of me!?” I burst out without thinking.He glanced over at the page, flushed bright red and replied “Oh ... uh ... yes.”Clearly, I had been consuming his thoughts during class. Clearly, he had been daydreaming about me for hours. Clearly, I was at the forefront of all he was thinking about that day. Well, along with Jesus and that dolphin.“You doodled me? In between Jesus and a dolphin?” I asked.“Uh. Yeah,” he responded. “Oh. Cool,” I returned.With my newfound knowledge that this guy had been thinking about me, I was better prepared to cross that invisible line into “more than” friendship. Three weeks later, we were dating and the rest, as they say, is history.I understand, however, that this occurrence is rare. I doubt that any of you will be able to sense the opposite sex’s attraction toward you by finding a doodle of yourself in someone’s notebook. (But please, feel free to rip out a few pages and start scanning.) I simply want to tell the guys that if you ever see a girl bite her lip and bat her eyelashes, chances are she likes you a little bit, not that she has something in her eye and a persistent canker sore. Maybe, though, we can forget the whole charade. Maybe, the next time a cute guy or girl catches your attention, you can simply walk up and say “Hey, you want to grab a cup of coffee sometime?” Problem solved.Jordan’s column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached a j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
I’ve been dating boys since I was in the sixth grade. I feel like I’ve come to know the ins and outs of dating pretty well over the past few years. Most things always stay the same ... the butterflies in your stomach, the way your heart flips over at the first graze of hands. Granted, I no longer have to get my friend to give his friend a note to give to him saying “Do you like me? Check yes, no or maybe.” A couple other things have changed too. The biggest change for me has been the surge in popularity of a little Web site known as Facebook.First, Facebook is obviously a crucial part of the beginning stages of a relationship. As soon as boy meets girl, girl rushes home to her computer to type boy’s name into her Facebook search, a practice also known as “Facebook-stalking.” Once his page is found — hopefully he hasn’t set his page to private — an intricate analysis of the boy’s Facebook page can begin. Some people can extract meaning from ancient Aztec languages, others from curves in handwriting. I can analyze every bit of a Facebook page.If I’m mildly interested in the guy, I’ll just do a cursory look-over ... interests, his profile pictures, the usual. Some dealbreakers for me: 1. Any more than five Facebook applications but an automatic dealbreaker if any one of them is LOLcats. 2. If the past 10 people to post on his Wall are all girls and each post says something to the effect of “great meeting you the other day, can’t wait to hang out again.” Player alert.3. If on his Personal Information section, under Favorite Books he has “I don’t like to read.” As an English major and a book freak, this is unacceptable.If he passes this first stage, we may begin to date more seriously bringing us to ...The dating stage of a relationship! Even here, Facebook plays an important role. Will he change his relationship status to “In A Relationship”? Even further, will he send me a relationship request, cementing me as a girlfriend? There’s nothing better than seeing your name as a link, directly to the right of his picture, for the whole world — and more importantly, all of the females — to see. God forbid he change his status to the dreaded “It’s Complicated.”Now, even once you are together, Facebook can continue to affect your relationship. I was looking over my boyfriend’s shoulder one day as he surfed around on Facebook and I happened to see a message thread between him and an old high school friend. He was describing his new girlfriend — namely, me. The one word he used to describe me? Kooky.“Yeah I have a new girlfriend. She’s kooky.” As in the word you use to describe your crazy, cat-loving aunt who knits and smells like carrots. So not cool. Some people may attribute this problem to the boyfriend who, out of all the words in the world, chose solely “kooky” to describe me. But no, I knew who the real culprit was: Facebook, yet again.Last but not least, Facebook can meddle in a relationship even after it is over. If the two people in the relationship were optimistic enough to change their statuses to “In a Relationship” in the first place, they now must change the status, letting every one of their closest friends, extended family members and old acquaintances from middle school who they only spoke to twice but are still Facebook friends with, find out that they couldn’t make their relationship last. Even worse, once the two of you are officially over, you know that the one wall post that will show up first thing on his News Feed is the one from that cute new guy you met, asking you out for lunch next week. The ex calls you up to complain, and the problems just keep coming,So Facebook, throughout the entire stages of dating, can be proven to be both a help (when trying to decide which boy to date) and a hindrance (every other time). I’m not proposing you do away with Facebook for good or try not to let it influence your decisions. All I can say is ... at least it’s not MySpace.Jordan’s column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.