OPINION

Pink flamingos

In the midst of awards season, The Cavalier Daily bestows some of its own

pinkflamingoes2

The end of another term is upon us, and in the traditional way that the Managing Board ends a term, we are giving awards to the most notably newsworthy people, organizations and events from the past year.

The “Transparency” Award goes to the Honor Committee for holding a public trial this year. Sorry, Board of Visitors. Better luck next time.

The “Donald Trump” Award goes to Coach Mike London for firing almost the entire coaching staff of the football team, after a less than impressive season. We’re hoping that he starts a new celebrity spin-off next year: Lil’ Jon as associate head coach, and Clay Aiken as defensive coordinator.

The “Too Cool for School” Award goes to Hurricane Sandy, for granting University students a four-day weekend — only the third time in 30 years that the University has cancelled classes. Thankfully the damage from the hurricane in the local area was almost negligible. At the end of it all, N2 was still standing.

The “Join the Club” Award goes to the University of Notre Dame for joining the ACC this year. Let’s hope that the “fake girlfriend” hoax isn’t contagious. Wouldn’t want one of our players to be next.

The “Offer You Can’t Refuse” Award goes to House Bill 462, which was passed last spring and requires women in Virginia to have ultrasounds before getting abortions. It’s tempting to make another joke about “transparency” here, but we (unlike the legislature) recognize that all the medical stuff should probably be left to the doctors.

The “Didn’t See That One Coming” Award goes to the Commonwealth of Virginia for going blue in back-to-back presidential elections. The last time that happened was in the 1940s. Did Romney’s notorious 47 percent comment have something to do with it? Perhaps. But in any case, it is ironic that Romney ended up with 47 percent of the popular vote.

The “Nice Try” Award goes to The Black Sheep for attempting to distribute papers on Grounds without obtaining official CIO status. The group’s request was ultimately denied because it is a for-profit organization. But the free fireplace kindling was nice while it lasted.

The “Brace Face” Award goes to the Rotunda restoration project. The metallic apparatus that Jefferson’s library has been sporting harkens back to the awkward times of middle school. Next time you’re walking across the Lawn, stop and say to the Rotunda, “Don’t worry. Things will get better. Trust me.”

The “George W. Bush” Award goes to Rector Helen Dragas, for not getting the popular vote but still getting the job. This is a lesson in politics that we’re all familiar with already, but it doesn’t hurt to get a reminder of it from time to time. Or does it?

The “Superwoman” Award goes to Teresa Sullivan for surviving an earthquake, an occupy movement, a hunger strike and being fired — all in her first two years. Give that girl a round of applause!

Finally, the “Work Hard, Play Hard” Award goes to the staff of The Cavalier Daily, for putting in long hours to get the paper on the stands week after week, and still managing to make it to Trivia Night at Mellow Mushroom every once in a while.


Published January 24, 2013 in FP test, Opinion







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