A few Mondays ago I received flowers for the first time. Well, slight correction — I was given a single purple flower, and it was actually a weed. My little buddy in College Mentors for Kids, Estefany, picked it off the ground on our walk back to Newcomb Hall from the Culbreth Theatre. She picked one for me and then picked an “even prettier, more purpley” one for her. Later, she found a dandelion that she added to somewhat of a bouquet for herself. I enthusiastically thanked her for the gift and then went on to explain to her that the beautiful flowers she had picked were actually unwanted weeds. Perplexed, she asked me why, but held steadfastly onto her flowers the entire walk back.
I remember wondering the same thing when I was in elementary school, around Estefany’s age. Often I would sit in the field outside the neighborhood pool and pick the most yellow dandelions and clovers and give them to my mom. Personally, I thought they were beautiful, so when I found out they were weeds, and more importantly that weeds were bad, I was confused and a little upset. Up until then I thought these dandelions were purposefully planted flowers, and I loved them.
As I grew older, though, my opinion began to change, and I began to see the dandelions and the clovers for what they really were — weeds that disrupted otherwise pretty green lawns. Eventually, I began to ignore them and my preconceived notions of them as a hindrance prevailed — until that Monday with Estefany.
After that College Mentors session, I thought about how these preconceptions we have affect other things in our daily experiences. Maybe the flower, now, is something more applicable to our college lives. For example, if we’re taught that we should stay away from people who look different from us, aren’t we just judging and seeing these otherwise potentially friendly and incredible people as something they’re not?
I think this is probably one of the many perks of being a child: being able to see things for what they are, not for what other people tell them they are. Like when I was a kid, I could walk into any dirt floor hotel while visiting my grandparents in China and think it was the coolest place of all time. Now, I wouldn’t be able to help but feel like those conditions were unclean and unappealing.
But this problem goes way beyond flowers, weeds and hotels in developing countries. The flower / weed paradox is a simple representation of how judgments can cloud and destroy something potentially beautiful. When you really think about it, there are so many things we do now that we wouldn’t think twice about as children. What we wear, what we eat, how we walk, talk and socialize with others all depends on what we’ve been taught in the past. If we’re taught that liberal arts classes won’t lead to a successful future, we may choose to pursue a boring career instead of attending classes we would be truly passionate about.
When it comes down to it, everything and everyone offers something. When I was seven, I told my friends that dandelions were the prettiest flower because I loved the color yellow — I would pick a dandelion over a rose any day. I wish I still had that mindset.
As we grow older, these preconceived notions (which are often not correct) can become even more damaging. Flash judgments of people and situations are detrimental when it comes to pretty much any aspect of life. Take a second to imagine the incredible opportunities that have been missed or overlooked because people rely on their first snap judgments.
Sometimes, I wish we could adopt a childlike state of mind, where we would form our own opinions based on nothing other than what we truly believe. I know that’s unrealistic, but that Monday was a reminder that we’re missing out on a lot of life’s beauty by relying on preconceived notions. On my way back home to GrandMarc, I decided I would add dandelions to my mom’s flower bouquet for Mother’s Day.
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