Exactly how much of a time differential is there between Charlottesville and Provo? Is it two hours, like the map says, or was I thrown into some alternate, bizarre dimension where everything is thrown into chaos?
After catching up on all the wackiness that went down in the world of sports this weekend while I was in Utah, I'm beginning to subscribe to the latter idea.
We'll begin close to home with our own football team. First, explain to me how the Cavs can give up 40 points and still win the game. After that victory, many members of the team expressed confusion, or downright bewilderment, at the Arena Football-esque nature of the game.
"If you would've told me yesterday we'd win 45-40 in a shootout, I would've told you you were crazy," quarterback Dan Ellis said following the win.
But Dan was only partly right -- the craziness was not relegated to Provo alone.
It spread like that deadly superflu virus in "The Stand," infecting the sports world from coast to coast.
First there's that pesky Associated Press poll. Can someone please answer the following questions?
a) How is Alabama, who lost to Louisiana Tech last week and barely beat Arkansas Saturday, ranked ahead of Virginia?
b) How is Miami, who has lost two straight games, even ranked at all?
c) Who keeps giving Virginia Tech that one infuriating first-place vote?
But I digress.
At least Thomas Jones climbed the CNN-Sports Illustrated Heisman Watch this week. The Cav tailback stands 10th on CNN's list this week, but still far behind Wisconsin's burly, highly overrated tailback Ron Dayne.
Not even Nostradamus, with all his predicting powers, can accurately justify why so many people think Dayne is a good player. When did this collective delusion come into effect? His net yardage has gone down every year of his career. His team isn't even ranked. He didn't gain a single yard in the second half of the Badgers' loss to Michigan. Not one yard. And Saturday's anemic 88-yard outing should put all that silly talk about Dayne breaking Ricky Williams' NCAA career rushing record to rest. Dayne is just one performance away from falling off the candidate list altogether, which could only mean good things for Jones.
But so many other odd things happened during the weekend, things which -- to quote C + C Music Factory -- just make you go "hmmmmm."
"William Sanders goes to grocery store! 'I needed some milk,' elder Sanders says."
ESPN, do us all a favor and get caller ID.
And as the jet lag is again catching up with me, I'm still trying and determine just how the United States won the Ryder Cup Sunday night? Or was it in the afternoon? Damn time zones.