This week, hoping to find a few questions to answer or comments to which I could respond for this week's column, I raced down to The Cavalier Daily office. But the inbox was empty, and for self-preservation reasons accompanied by a touch of denial, I will blame it on the fact that students are too busy at this point in the semester to write me for advice. Because of these dire circumstances, this week I will have to respond to scenarios that have occurred among my friends, although I am sure the masses can relate.
For the sake of continuing with the same format, I will use the same question-and-answer layout that usually appears. The only real deviation from the truth is that my friends actually don't refer to me as Dockter Duval.
Dear Dockter Duval,
I recently went to a semi-formal with this guy. I thought I made it pretty clear that we were just friends, but now I'm worried he might have the wrong idea. I don't want to have to come out and say something, because I'll feel really dumb if I'm wrong and he isn't interested. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Uneasy
Dear Uneasy,
This is a pretty tricky situation because you're unsure of how he feels. I think you should deal with the situation based on the kinds of clues he gives you. I mean, I agree that having an idea that this guy might be interested is no reason to go out and tell him to keep his space.
Therefore, in the same way we all dip our toes in the pool before jumping in, you have to test the water. If he calls you every now and again just asking you to go to lunch at the dining hall, I wouldn't worry too much (unless he always gets frozen yogurt for you at the end of the meal - that's a definite clincher). On the other hand, if your phone is ringing off the hook and this guy is on the other end panting, you've got to set things straight. If you are really uncomfortable, be up front, because it's not worth putting yourself in undesirable positions with this fellow.
If, on the contrary, you think he just needs a few hints, then here are some ideas: Next time he calls and wants to hang out you can tell him you have to rearrange your Barbie collection instead. If that doesn't sink in and he responds with, "I love Barbies too," then obviously he's lost it, and you've got to pull out all the stops. This is when you tell him you can't get together because you really should take that shower you've been meaning to get to for a few weeks - that definitely will do the trick.
Dear Dockter Duval,
I'm up to my ears in work, and I'm constantly stressed out about the stuff I need to do. I keep taking it out on my friends, and although I don't mean to, I can't avoid getting swept up in my exams and papers. Can you help?
Sincerely,
Constantly Stressed
Dear Constantly Stressed,
Ask Mr. Webster for the definition of an 11-letter word spelled P-E-R-S-P-E-C-T-I-V-E. Oh, you've heard of it? Good, at least we have some frame of reference to work with here. Too many people get caught up in certain aspects of life that will make absolutely no difference when all is said and done. If your work affects the way you treat your friends, and your friends can't shake the way you get swept up in your work, then it's pretty apparent where your priorities lie. Not a single test or grade, however, will have a lasting impact on your life, while the same cannot be said about your friends. If you are comfortable with the realization that maybe work is taking precedence in your life, then that's fine - so long as you've thought about the repercussions and don't regret it later. I'm not saying you always should postpone studying to watch the 11:30 p.m. Sportscenter with Billy whatshisname down the hall, but there should be a balance that makes you content.
A happy medium needs to be found where you can justify your actions and feel confident with the choices you make. Thinking about what's truly important or really why you're living not only takes time and effort but can be arduous. In my opinion, however, it's the only way to gain a healthy perspective on life. We never should be defined by the grades on our transcript or the status of our resumes, and it's up to each person to prevent that from happening.
As the year comes to a close, I want to say thanks for all the support and criticism I have received this semester. Readers' input is always desired and valued. Most importantly, I want to show my appreciation for everyone who wrote to me for advice and helped keep things rolling week to week. Until the fall, I bid you adieu ...
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