THE LOCATION: a key battleground state. The family: Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public. The telephone rings at 6 in the evening.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Mrs. Jane Public?"
"Yes. May I help you?"
"Mrs. Public, I'm a pollster with the CNN-Gallup-Washington Post-Time-Newsweek-Dubuque Register organization. I would like to ask you some questions about the upcoming election."
"Well, I guess I could spare a minute."
"Thank you, ma'am. First, I'd like to ask about your political philosophy."
"Hm. Well, John and I are independents, I suppose. We've voted for Clinton, Reagan, Carter and Kennedy. We haven't made up our mind who to vote for this year, though."
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"Ah, very good. As an undecided independent, you likely will shape the outcome of this election. Mrs. Public, could you tell me who you supported during any of the major parties' primaries?"
"Why, yes. We supported the candidates who didn't play by the regular rules of politics. Early on, we really liked that Bill Bradley fellow. He seemed nice and non-threatening. Plus, John liked him since he played for the Knicks. After a while, John McCain really caught our attention. He was a real straight-shooter. All the television reporters called him a fierce independent, and we really liked that. So I guess we supported both Bradley and McCain."
"Did you know that they were running for different parties' nominations?"
"Really? We didn't pay attention. We just liked that they were independents."
"Okay, then. I'm going to mention some issues and would like you to give me your thoughts on them. Education."
"Education is a really big deal. We've seen both Vice President Al Gore and Texas Gov. George W. Bush talk a lot about education and how important it is. The next president really will have to make sure all of our children can read. We like making sure all of our children can read."
"Let's try another issue: health care."
"Health care matters a lot to us, too. I want to make sure everyone can go to their own doctor. Medicine is important for good health. I see old people on television who can't get health care, and that makes me sad. Plus, I want health care to cover Mr. Pickles."
"Mr. Pickles?"
"Our parakeet. He's just like a member of the family."
"I'd like your impression of the two major presidential candidates. What do you think of Gov. Bush?"
"He seems nice enough. We didn't like him when he had that smirk all the time, but he's fixed that. We're a bit concerned about his ability to handle the duties of president. All the people on television talk about his mental qualifications, and that worries us. After that first debate, though, where he didn't make any mistakes pronouncing any words, we felt better about him."
"Next, what do you think of Al Gore?"
"Oh, he's a smart one. All the newspapers and televisions say he's a policy genius. He wrote that book, Earth in the Scales, or something, that was about the environment. We care a lot about the environment. Unfortunately, Gore seems really mean. He raised his voice and got angry a few times. That didn't make me want to vote for him. I did like it when he kissed Tipper, though."
"Okay, Mrs. Public. If the election were held today, for whom would you vote?"
"You know, I can't say. I'd have to watch both of their appearances on Letterman and Regis and Oprah again."
The preceding mock polling conversation embodies what is disgusting about the presidential race in 2000. Somehow, after three debates, endless commercials, and nearly daily coverage on every media outlet in the country, a sizable number of people have yet to make up their minds for whom to vote.
When interviewed on television, they send conflicting signals. While most people try to have a rationale for voting a certain way, these people don't seem to understand either party's positions and only say that they want to hear "more" from the candidates.
Both candidates have done an admirable job spelling out differences on policy matters. For those who have failed to make any sort of decision this close to the election, I have one thought: Please, consider staying at home. Just as voting is an important obligation, it requires that one actually treat that obligation with respect and thought. The country would be better served to have its leader chosen by people who have invested thought in the process of voting.
(Seth Wood's column appears Wednesdays in The Cavalier Daily.)
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