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Li's latest is just One in a heap of failures

Do I smell Oscar? No, sorry, that must be my dirty clothes because "The One" has no hope of receiving such an honor. But that's OK, because I didn't see the film with any expectations of cinematic greatness. I went in with the noble intentions of being entertained by a martial arts sci-fi romp. And that's where "The One" truly fails - in providing entertainment. The film is mindless to the point of boredom, and the action scenes do nothing but shamelessly rely on "Matrix"-esque routines.

Directed, written and produced by Glenn Morgan and James Wong, the creators of some of the best "X-Files" episodes, "The One" falls short of its potential. For instance, the dialogue contains none of the wit or elegance of the acclaimed TV series. In fact, some of the lines spewed forth from the shabby characters elicit groans from the audience.

One extra-precious moment involves Jet Li lecturing the audience about the nature of a straight line; his words are followed by one of the film's many two-dimensional characters reciting a one-liner about Li's "line" being almost at its end. Not too clever. But luckily there is very little dialogue for the audience to suffer through.

The acting is nothing to write home about either. Jason Statham, known for his great performance in "Snatch," is horribly misused in a macho bad cop role. The English actor begins the film with a gruff accent that sounds like a born and bred Brit trying to impersonate George Bush. Li is also horrible in his speaking scenes, but that's to be expected.

Li, renowned for his lightning-fast martial arts abilities, spends most of the film enveloped in trite "Matrix"-style effects. For those of you who are fond of his work in such classics as "Once Upon a Time in China" and "Fist of Legend," do not expect a similar display of artistry in this film.

There is only one fight in the film worth mentioning, in which the Li of our dimension faces the evil Li of another. Fists fly without the aid of computer enhancement. It's almost worth the rest of the mindless garbage to get to this inevitable throw-down.

The plot, or lack thereof, follows the evil Li as he jumps to alternate universes trying to kill each different version of himself so the life-force for his soul will be spread over fewer dimensions. Once he eradicates all of his selves, he will, or so he believes, achieve omnipotence.

Meanwhile, the "good" Li tries to protect himself and his wife, and in the process he realizes that he also has superhuman powers. Is it not odd that "good" Li never before realized that he can scale huge walls at lightning speed and throw motorcycles around like "bad" Li can? No, it is not odd, not odd at all.

Although the plot is ridiculous, there is very little of it to follow. Most of the story is told through brief conversations between characters explaining what is about to happen. Blitzkrieg editing keeps the audience from focusing on the bad plot, leaving little time to concentrate on anything except what is flashing by at that moment and how much the special effects rip off "The Matrix" and "Mortal Kombat." Basically, the film is condensed to a collection of arbitrary fight scenes placed one after another, so that the audience never has to sit through a single cheesy fight, chase, or "plot" scene for more than a few moments.

Many of the film's attempts at suspense stem from situations involving a secondary character not knowing if the Li standing before him is the "good" Li or the "bad" one. To ensure that these confusing situations can take place, both Lis conveniently wear matching outfits for most of the movie. Luckily and again, conveniently, one of the Lis takes off his jacket right before the final throw-down, so the audience can tell the two apart for that scene.

There is little redeeming value to "The One." The movie lacks direction, acting, decent dialogue and an engaging plot. When audience members aren't giggling and groaning about the horrible one-liners, they are drowning in special effects. And the soundtrack does not deserve much attention, either, being a collection of cheesy techno and bland rap rock hits (like Drowning Pool and Papa Roach), aimed at pleasing middle-schoolers. There is only one more question that comes to mind: will there ever be a "The Two?" I sure as hell hope not.

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