I love plenty of things and people, but one of my greatest loves -- bordering on obses-sion, actually -- is "Sex and the City." I love the clothes, the women, New York City and the endless line of Mr. Big, Aidan, Smith, etc. So, in faithfully watching the reruns on TBS and HBO, I can view it with new eyes; since I already know what happens, I can really listen to what the characters have to say.
Just the other night, a certain line caught my attention. Charlotte, the wonderfully obsessive, hopeless romantic said something to the effect of, "Women just want to be rescued."
Rescued? From what? What is so bad that we need someone, check that, some lover, to help us out.
I mean, I can change a tire; and if you can't, call AAA. I can balance a checkbook; and if you can't, enlist your online bank service. And we can love ourselves without needing the assistance of another person. Right?
It's not only the idea of needing "rescuing" that bothers me. I also find it unfair to place such weighty and irrational expectations on ourselves and future lovers. At some point between cognitive childhood and puberty, we got the idea that the other sex, at least in a relationship, is responsible for some sort of rescue, release or final destination.
Ever since we followed Corey and Topanga or Zack and Kelly through 10 years of courtship, we thought: a) Love was easy enough to find that we, too, would marry at 20, and b) the only way to end the story was with someone by our side.
Maybe this forward-looking mindset can be attributed to the fact that many of us have lived our lives moment to moment, documenting each success as we check off the boxes on life's "to do" list. "Graduation, check; college, check; grad school, check..." Some goals, among others, are more important to us, such as "marriage, kids, white picket fence, BMW SUV, etc."
But what happens if you end up single without kids? Or more applicably to your life right now, what happens if you finish off this school year without a boyfriend or girlfriend? Could you be happy?
Or is your life -- you know, that thing you've been doing for 20 years and will do for 60 or so more -- so wrapped up in this ideal that you (and I speak for myself, too) can't imagine a happy life without a relationship?
I would hate for such a thing to be true. Maybe it's because I have faith that whatever is meant to be will be, and on top of that, that it will be amazing -- whether I am the mother of three boys with obnoxiously preppy names or living in my sister's attic and eternally single. Furthermore, I would like to think these four years of college will still be my best, regardless of whether or not I am dating someone.
Can I further ruin your Friday by asking more romance-less questions? Are we doing ourselves a disservice by placing too much faith in a love-centric destination? Are we only bound to be disappointed if we idealize a relationship or future partner to the point where there is no life beyond the goal? Is it time for us to continue to roll tape after the proverbial "final kiss" at the end of the movie? Should we read on to see what happens to Cinderella after her prince marries her?Yes, we probably should.
Have we thought past the "marriage and kids" bit to the "retirement and death" thing or are we still living in our own personal fairy tale where the story ends with fairy dust and a honeymoon?
We all know in our heart of hearts that there is more to all of this than checking off a list of "to do's," living years and years passively in hopes of the one day. This is the one day, every day, for the rest of our lives -- and thank God for all of them.
But, please, don't misunderstand me. Love is a wonderful thing. Having a person with whom you can share your life is amazing. Plus, it's an absolutely normal and understandable desire to want companionship at 20 years old.
Furthermore, marriage may not be at the top of most of our lists as something to do anytime soon. Yet, the idea that there is a goal for love, a place to find yourself and a seemingly shorter and shorter route to such can inspire people our age to start thinking, maybe even obsessing, about a future mate (or at least someone to fill in the time between now and then).
But needing a person to complete your life is an absolute disaster for all people involved. Example: That friend of yours who loves love so much she stays in an obviously dysfunctional relationship, i.e. being physically or verbally abused, put down and devalued. Or, in a less dramatic way, friends who stay in relationships where they clearly aren't appreciated and yet, they stick to it.
When we look at these people, our hearts break, maybe because we see the hurt that dependence on another can cause and maybe because we, too, have experienced such pain.
All I'm trying to say is that I have been the person and seen people go from relationship to relationship (sometimes seeming like they never take a break) in the mere hope that one day the fairy tale will come true and nothing will challenge the perfection of their Cinderella hopes. Yet, we are dealing with people, experience, change and all the awesome and annoying things that come with them and life.
So, even though I still love love stories and hope for the white dress and wedding to end all weddings, I also look forward to tomorrow, whether I'm single or coupled, in love or not. Besides, we're all pretty good on our own, and the only thing we need to be rescued from is the idea that we're helpless or bored without someone on our arm. Well, that and the hell of finals.
Speaking of finals, as this is my last column of the semester, so I want to wish you all the best of luck, a wonderful break and blessings of love in your life now and in the future.
Callan Blount can be reached at blount@cavalierdaily.com
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