Here are the responses to last week's questions, provided to The Cavalier Daily by various University students. We have selected the best ones for your enjoyment.
Q: If there is a God, what does He or She look like?
A: An octopus. A slimy, purple octopus. Maybe with a beak.
Q: If you could have been alive in any decade in the 20th century, which would it be and why?
A: The 1920's. I like ankles and flapping.
Q: Favorite memory from fifth grade?
A: Favorite memory: handing out the Oreo cookies filled with toothpaste on April 1st. Worst memory: the apology letter I was forced to write afterwards.
Q: When was the last time you rode a horse?
A: Three weeks ago. [This is the most uninteresting answer we received to any question. Nice work.]
Q: What is the best bathroom on Grounds?
A: Second floor, Alderman. But don't tell anyone, I like privacy.
Q: Who is the coolest person you know?
A: Definitely not you. These things are never funny. Stop writing them.
Q: Who taught you how to swim, and when did you learn?
A: I was on a floaty toy and I fell in when I was five years old. It was live or die. You might ask what I was doing on a floaty toy when I didn't know how to swim yet. My answer would be: irresponsible parents.
Q: Where is the best place to do work outside on Grounds?
A: On top of the warm manhole by Newcomb. It's so toasty.
Q: What is the most annoying error message you have seen on ISIS while registering for classes?
A: "You have a balance of $0.37. Your registration has been blocked." I had to go all the way out to Carruthers and the lady was really bitchy about it.
Q: What is the great American novel?
A: "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish." It's brilliant in its simplicity and its aesthetic value is incalculable in literary history.
Q: What movie character would you choose as your sidekick?
A: The little mouse in "Cinderella." He's a bad mother[unprintable].
Q: What hour do you most dread every week?
A: ECON 202 lecture. Stay the hell away from that class.
Q: What is the best thing about having a VIC card at Harris Teeter?
A: Hearing, "Welcome VIC customer" at the automatic checkout line.
Q: If you had to live on the streets of any city in the world, which city would you choose and why?
A: Seattle. Rain, coffee, underground music. A recipe for finding oneself.
Q: What is the best place to be by yourself?
A: In a crowd.
Q: When is the next time you plan on taking a plane somewhere and where are you going?
A: I'm spending the summer in Thailand doing research on a rare species of endangered mosquito.
Q: What was the most embarrassing day of your college career?
A: This past Saturday when I was stranded in the middle of a crowded Wal-Mart parking lot wearing a pink dress (I'm a male), and my change of clothes and car keys were locked in the trunk. I waited patiently for AAA for over an hour and a half in the afternoon sun. This exposure resulted in a nasty sunburn which clearly shows that I was wearing a dress.
[20 Questions is laughing out loud ... and also wondering why you were wearing a dress.]
Q: Finish the sentence: "There's no way I would put my finger there because..."
A: It's my last one and I don't want to risk it.
Q: What is your favorite euphemism you use to say "drunk"?
A: My grandmother always says "the old people are getting 'looped' tonight." I like that.
Q: Who is your arch-nemesis?
A: You. Die.
The Verdict: We're never asking for your help again.
--Compiled by A-J Aronstein, Cavalier Daily Associate Editor