With the wonderful world of the Internet, you can find groups of people who prefer to have sex dressed as pretty much anything but themselves -- bondage and tigers and clowns, oh my! Outside cyberspace, the majority of people seem to confine their sexy attire to lingerie and the occasional adult costume.
There are thousands of pornographic movies centered on unusual attire. Such movies make wearing costumes or role-playing seem alluring rather than awkward. In reality, role-playing could be a fun change, but for a first-timer it could also be an extremely off-putting experience.
Aside from regular people not looking like porn stars, one limitation of dressing up is that everyone has a different idea of "sexy." One person may find red lingerie sexy, while another will think it's trashy. "Sexy" is in the mind of the beholder. If all you're going to do is gaze at your reflection then, by all means, dress to your tastes. If, however, you want another person to think you're sexy, it's probably best to learn what he or she likes first.
What's it like to really play dress-up? What we imagine in our minds is not always how it turns out. Sometimes trying too hard to achieve the perfect vision of sexy is the least sexy thing a person can do. The room is dark; someone's wearing sexy shoes, lace, stockings and feathers -- the whole nine yards. Now what? Well, the underwear has to come off, and you can keep the shoes on, but if the sex is vigorous, it's likely the other person will either be kicked or the shoes will get caught on bedding, assuming you're using a bed. And let's face it, lace tears and feathers poke.
I think the best story of sexy not being brought back (yeah, I know Justin Timberlake references are getting tiresome) would be my sister's former roommate. Fearing her relationship was souring, she decided to spice things up by giving her boyfriend a striptease. Had it not gone so horribly wrong I would applaud her bawdiness. The striptease should have been simple enough -- wear sexy shoes and remove clothing. How did her show go awry? Simple, she was drunk. The sexy shoes had very high heels, one of which snagged her underwear, leaving her hopping on one leg and obviously on only one tall heel. Note: This is not sexy. She of course fell ... into a shelf. So to recap the night: She wasn't sexy, her fall killed the mood and she had a huge bruise, compliments of the shelf. The lesson: If you're not bold enough to try it sober, you have little hope of pulling it off while intoxicated.
Next lesson: Don't make half an effort -- a cowboy hat does not a sexy cowboy make. Agreeing to dress up is already taking a big step. Being comfortable is a lot sexier than being visibly self-conscious, but it is likely anyone dressing up feels at least somewhat silly. If the decision has already been made, it makes more sense to let loose and go all out. Who knows? You may even get into it and feel sexy. So, cowboys, break out the holster and chaps. French maids, don't skimp on the fishnets.
Final lesson: reciprocate! If your partner dresses up in a crazy outfit for you, there needs to be a way to comparably repay him or her. For instance, buying dinner is a poor "thank you" to the person who dressed up like Princess Leia. I say, "a dream for a dream." When someone puts their own inhibitions aside to help another person live out a fantasy, the only fair repayment is to do the same. So don a Darth Vader costume and may the Force be with you.
Megan Hein is a Cavalier Daily Health & Sexuality columnist. She can be reached at hein@cavalierdaily.edu.
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