People’s attitudes toward dating are much like the “Power Rangers” — they keep changing and no one is really quite sure why.
Take, for example, the Neanderthals. In their world, the guy with the biggest club got the girl.
Then, there were the Dark Ages, when all men really needed to do to secure a woman’s heart was prove they hadn’t come down with the plague.
And who could forget the Renaissance? During the Age of Reason, men took up an unprecedented interest in poetry and painting in hopes of catching the eye of a beautiful lady.
What, then, is the defining ideal of our generation of courtship? Swagger. All I hear about these days is swagger. With a swagger swagger here and a swagger swagger there, here a swagger, there a swagger, everywhere a swagger swagger, it’s becoming clear that an excessive air of confidence is what it takes today.
In an effort to catch up those who are a little slow on the swagger uptake, I feel it is necessary to review a few basic rules of how to make sure that no one on the Corner has swagger like you.
First off, you must dress fashionably but at the same time seem like you do not care about what you are wearing. For instance, you could go buy a $100 Lacoste sweater and then sloppily cut the sleeves off. This says all kinds of things, but most of all, it says that you realized the sweater was fashionable by conventional standards but not by yours. If it makes you feel like you’ve wasted too much money, recycle those sleeves as socks. Hey, every little bit helps.
Second, you must have a certain limp to your walk. While limps have been popularized by pimps in the past, the gait you’re going for is less of a “I’m going start choking people if I don’t get my money” and more of a “I’m here for the party” limp. Even when there is no party, like during your discussion section or while you are washing clothes. Be careful, however, to assert that this limp is in fact a “I’m here for the party” limp. If the washing machine gets out of line you’re going to have to show it — and every girl around you — exactly what kind of man you are.
Tres, you must act as though nothing can negatively affect your attitude. While this seems easy enough when it comes to holding back tears during “A Walk to Remember” — until you’re alone with your pillow late at night — it becomes substantially more difficult if you, say, have your foot run over by a truck. This is probably going to cause you a lot of pain, but you are going to need to mask it somehow. The aforementioned limp is perfect for just such a time — not only are you hiding your true agony but you are also throwing a boost to your swagger-meter. Don’t be afraid to cry when you are alone, though. We can’t all be Clint Eastwood.
Finally, make sure locking down a poker face doesn’t actually lead to you to stop having any emotions. If you fear you are drawing too close to having your swagger consume you in this way, just start listening to some Jewel. “My hands are small I know, but they’re not yours, they are my own...” I love that song.
While these tips give you some pretty good parameters to work within, the vast majority of keeping your swagger is up to you, the individual. This is because the defining elements of “mean mugging” and “hardness” are how you incorporate them into a unique image for yourself. As much as it seems a little ridiculous that guys everywhere are portraying this image of being too cool for society, it’s pretty nice that we’ve begun advocating style that makes it cool to be different. So, while you’re out there on your grind showing all the ladies that you’ve just got that certain air about you, be sure to let your own light shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Andy’s column runs biweekly Mondays. He can be reached at a.taylor@cavalierdaily.com.
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