ALICE Everette had three young daughters who she loved immensely. She was often at their school, walking them through the door each morning and fixing their hair along the way. She was incredibly smart and had a great job. Those who knew her best referred to her as a "shining light." Coworkers say that she stopped at Chick-fil-A every day, bringing back treats to share that made everyone's morning brighter.
Yet there was also a very sad story to Alice that many never knew. She filed for divorce last year from her husband, Daniel Everette, who often beat her. She lived in constant fear of him. A car, presumably Daniel's, was at her home several times a week, taping and stalking her every move. Daniel knew that Alice went to Chick-fil-A every morning before work and on Feb. 17 he shot her to death while she waited in the drive-through.
Alice is another victim of a domestic violence crisis in this country that remains unaddressed. One in four women will experience domestic violence at some point in their lives and three out of four Americans know someone who is being abused or has been abused. By the end of each day, three women will be murdered by an intimate partner.
These women are more than just statistics. They are our mothers, our sisters, our best friends and our classmates. Any woman can be a victim of domestic abuse and the most shocking cases are often the ones least suspected, like Yeardley Love. She was a lacrosse player and those who knew her well described her as self-assured.
Confident, independent women like Yeardley and Alice were never at the top of anyone's list of potentially vulnerable women, yet they were abused and murdered by their partners.
Domestic abuse is a difficult problem because it forces victims into shame and secrecy. Big sunglasses, heavy make-up, long sleeves and self-tanner hide the bruises that many women are too afraid and too ashamed to reveal. Excuses of "I fell" come out when sunglasses come off. When the bruises are too easy to be seen and the pain too deep, silence and withdrawal seem to be the only remedy for victims.
Those who blame a woman for remaining in an abusive relationship do not understand how manipulative and confusing such a situation is. Many abusers destroy a woman's concept of self-worth long before the physical attacks begin, leaving them genuinely to believe that the abuse is warranted. Some women financially are dependent on their husbands and leaving would lead to homelessness and poverty. Others are too afraid to leave because the abuser threatens to find and kill her and her children. Many women are trapped in a never-ending cycle of abuse, in which men are violent one day but apologetic and loving the next. The abuser often promises never to be violent again, a promise that is so easy to believe when at the heart of every person is the desire to be wanted and loved.
The courts in the United States wrongly focus on the rehabilitation of abusers by offering anger management classes instead of prison sentences. Rehabilitation for abusers implies that by some type of therapy or slap on the wrist abusers will stop beating their spouses. It lulls women into a false sense of security and offers the impression that going back into an abusive situation is safe. It treats abusers as needing treatment instead of forcing them to take responsibility for their terrible deeds. In order to protect women and to tell men that assaulting their spouses is just as bad, or probably worse, than assaulting a stranger, men who commit domestic abuse by default should be given a prison sentence and a hefty fine. If the purpose of prisons is to shield society from dangerous individuals, then who is a more worthy inmate than someone who beats, manipulates and violates his own spouse.
As family, friends and even strangers to the abused, we must intervene and offer love, support and constant encouragement. The courts in the United States must institute harsher punishment for perpetrators. Nothing can ever bring back the lives of Alice or Yeardley or countless other women and nothing can ever remove the dark memories residing in the minds of the abused. If we take a more active role in the life of that friend who does not dare be seen without makeup or the family member that grows ever more distant, however, we can save lives and set a victim free to experience what a loving relationship really feels like.
Jamie Dailey's column appears Fridays in The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at j.dailey@cavalierdaily.com.
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