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I Am Number Four comes in last place

Latest young adult novel sensation fails to impress with stale dialogue, absurd plot, shoddy writing

Call me a cynic, but I could do nothing but chuckle through Pittacus Lore's I Am Number Four. The science fiction young adult book follows the adventures of humanoid alien John Smith as he attempts to fit in among humans while outrunning the evil Mogadorians, who were responsible for the destruction of John's home planet, Lorien. In a plotline eerily reminiscent of Superman's Kal-El origins, John, as a toddler, was shipped off to a small town in Ohio to grow up and come into his powers, which are unexplained and numerous.

When the book picks up, John already has super strength and super speed under his belt. In rapid succession, he develops telekinesis, burn-proof skin and glowing hands, which come in handy in the many nighttime forest chase scenes.

Despite the science fiction trappings, the book more or less centers on a conflict that recalls every teenage movie you've ever seen. John falls in love with a beautiful former cheerleader, Sarah Hart. Standing between John and Sarah is Mark James, the star quarterback who also happens to be the school bully. Hilarious antics arise as John struggles to keep his powers hidden while still getting the girl and showing Mark who's boss.

I Am Number Four was written by pseudonymous author Pittacus Lore. The force behind the name is James Frey, most notably known as the guy who fabricated his drug addict memoir A Million Little Pieces, then got chewed out by Oprah about it on national television. Frey's latest project is Full Fathom Five, a young adult publishing company which has caused a minor scandal for Frey's aggressive recruitment of student-writers and the poor contracts that he grants them.

Jobie Hughes was one such student who was studying creative writing at Columbia University when he was picked up by Frey to write I Am Number Four. Despite the fact that Hughes did all the work, Frey's name was the only one on the title page. It took a few lawsuits - and a couple high-profile expos

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