1. “50 Shades of Grey”: There are two ways to do this and they’re both pretty bad. First, you could embody the Red Room of Pain (really regret having to Google that). Think Rihanna’s S & M but more, just more. The second way is to dress up in shades of gray — literally. Cue the eye roll.
2. Lance Armstrong: The former cycling champion just admitted to doping through his entire career. Really makes you think about that Livestrong bracelet you just had to have in fifth grade. Though this is a pretty decent excuse to brag about your muscles, no one will believe they’re not the product of steroids.
3. Honey Boo Boo: Personally, I think dressing as this infamous 7-year-old may be one of the best ideas ever. But much to my disdain, about 97 percent of my friends tell me the idea isn’t as good as I think it is. All you’d need is a tutu and her signature sassy face. “A dollar make me holler honey boo boo!”
4. Psy, the man behind “Gangnam Style”: Sure, the song is catchy and Psy knows how to dance around and have a good time. But, realistically, how many times can you listen to that song without wanting to throw things? “Gangnam Style” is heading the way of “Call Me Maybe,” and quickly. Besides, it’s totally last month.
5. No costume: With Halloween on a Wednesday this year, there are two weekends and half a week to partake in Halloween festivities. You can think of at least one thing to be. Halloween is all about dressing up and being crazy — no one is allowed to judge you. Think of it as an extended theme party. Everyone likes theme parties.
6. Politics: The election is only days later, so you know there will be at least 1,384 Obamas and the same amount of Mitt Romneys in a school of roughly 15,000. Halloween is not a time to act out the fourth political debate. Plus, your friends dressed as pumpkins won’t make good moderators.
7. Binder full of women: Reasons why this can’t work: Obama’s already said something funnier (horses and bayonets, anyone?), and dressing up as a binder would hinder mobility — how can you dance with someone if your binder is all up in their grill? Not to mention you’d probably get into a fight with someone dressed as Big Bird.
8. Gusburger: Taking “you are what you eat” to a whole new level. Dressing up as one practically screams that you’ve eaten one every weekend night for the past five weeks. Or is that just me? This is a potential two-person costume — one as the burger, one as the egg. Sort of like a two-person horse, U.Va. style.
9. Tan Mom: She’s crazy. Who wants to go as someone who reportedly put her children in tanning beds? Also, there’s a good chance you’ll be orange for the next week or two, and nothing is more awkward than being dressed up for Halloween a week after it’s over.
10. Midterms: Speaking of things going on too long, why are midterms still happening? The middle of the semester was a couple of weeks ago. At this rate, we’ll still be having midterms all the way until finals. Plus, dressing up like you’re going to the library is something everyone does every day anyway at Playboy’s number-one party school.
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