In a world where cell phones can be used as GPS tracking devices, credit card swipe machines and social networking gateways, it’s become a rare event, at least for me, to look down at my electronic other half and see that’s its actually ringing with a real, human voice on the other line. Yes, text messages are efficient and emails get the job done, but there’s something to be said about friends taking the time to see each other while grabbing a bite to eat, or, if distance is a factor, picking up the phone and giving one another a call. While modern forms of communication do have efficiency on their side, when did we start privileging efficiency over good, old-fashioned interpersonal connection? And when did we become so busy that even picking up the phone became an intangible hassle?
This week, the Happiness Group decided to rewind to the wonder years of the ‘90s — when having your own phone line was almost as cool as having nosebleeds seats to a Backstreet Boys concert. Every Happiness Group member was asked to call at least one old friend and listen to how their lives had been going, and to let each of them know that an old friend still cares.
At first glance, this doesn’t seem like a big to-do, but when we’ve become so dependent upon technology to have our conversations for us, picking up the phone was a little daunting for many of the Happiness Group participants, myself included. Although many of our phone calls started out more awkwardly than a middle school dance, after a couple of minutes and a few too many comments about the weather, most of the old friends warmed up to one another as if no time had come between them at all.
“[The person that I called] sounded so appreciative and genuinely happy to have heard from an old friend! It made me feel so good to know that I brightened her day just the smallest bit,” one participant said.
And although our friendships hadn’t changed, we were pleasantly surprised to find that our old friends’ lives had. One participant called a friend from summer camp who had been going through a hard time when they were last in contact, only to discover she had since put those days behind her and gotten her life on track. Another group member actually interrupted her high school friend during a session of yoga, an activity that he definitely hadn’t been pursuing beforehand.
If the iPhone 5s we called our friends with are any indication, our lives often seem to operate under the guiding principle of “out with the old and in with the new.” But talking to some of our friends from the past was a truly enlightening experience, reminding us that although these people may not be active participants in our current lives, they did have vital roles in making us the people that we are today. “I don’t know that [my friend will] ever truly know what her friendship means to me and how much it helped me [when we were close],” another participant said. “But she sees the best in people when they can’t see it themselves.”
These are the types of relationships that we need to foster — the ones that make us better and brighten our days — even if it means taking a little time out of our schedules to log off of Facebook and use a cell phone for its original purpose. If you’re lucky, you might receive as overwhelming of a response as we did here at the Happiness Group. One old friend of a participant even ended his conversation saying “We should do this again sometime! You know what, I’ll call you!”
As always, we welcome any new members. If you wish to be a part of the Happiness Group, or simply wish to share your thoughts or questions, send us an email at happiness@virginia.edu.
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