1. Roommates
Back when Facebook did that weird thing with the Bumper Sticker app, I read a particularly sparkly one that said, “If you don’t like me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” They were probably referring to the trials and tribulations of your one-week-long seventh grade relationship, but give me some creative liberty here. Read: when you come home drunk and hungry and decide putting water, raw pasta and sliced Kraft American cheese in a bowl is a viable substitute for Easy Mac, you’ll want roommates who won’t hold you back. The perfect roommates will tell you your culinary genius is akin to Bobby Flay, and that your heavy hand with the salt will really add flavor and charisma to your pasta dish as you stand in the kitchen pantsless while wearing your shirt backwards.
2. Location
The on-Grounds to off-Grounds move may be best described as “One small step for man, one giant leap for all money out of your wallet and into the cash register at Bodo’s.” But, just like deciding to avoid studying and rely on Elzinga’s Dutch Knockout, any decision regarding location will have its ups and downs (note: don’t rely on the Dutch Knockout). If you live in Lambeth, you’re closer to Rugby Road but will probably have to rely on the buses to get to class. Toto, I don’t think we’re in Old Dorms anymore. If you live on the Corner, you’ll never have to pretend to enjoy In The Nood again, but you’ll inevitably spend a lot longer in Clemons than you want to because you’re too cold/lazy to a home so far away. If you live on JPA, you’ll save money being able to use Plus Dollars at the South Lawn Starbucks but will probably have to constantly remind people you don’t live at JPJ. And if you live at The Flats at West Village, tell them to stop emailing me.
3. Price
Before you sign a lease, it’s important to consider what’s actually included in the rent check you’ll pay each month. Is there access to laundry? Amenities? Garbage disposal? Cable? Internet? Will someone open the door for you and not give you any sass when you lock your keys in the apartment? Will someone be on call to actually respond to concerns about your leaky ceiling? Is there an agreement not to have your apartment shown to prospective renters at 8 a.m. on a Saturday when you have no pants on and can’t look at the daylight without wanting to vomit? How about not being charged $100 for a “dark spot” on the carpet that is clearly just the imprint of a chair that had been sitting in your room the whole year on a carpet you just had professionally cleaned?
4. Parking
You don’t know desperation until you spend entirely too long eating free samples at Trader Joe’s and realize you’re about to come home with an armful of groceries, with five minutes to get to the Chemistry Building and nowhere to legally park your car. When it comes to parking, Charlottesville is the worst. You can (and will) get a parking ticket just for breathing in the wrong place. Make sure some form of parking is included in your lease if you plan on having a car, and make sure to speak with your roommates about when/where/who will have access to said spaces. The closest I came to a competitive sport last year was parking my car in very illegal places and hoping I wouldn’t get towed. I never did, so you can say I won the first annual World Series of Illegal Parking.
5. Length of stay
Another largely unacknowledged aspect to consider in signing a lease is how long you are actually agreeing to rent said house/apartment/dorm for. A sport equally as thrilling and frustrating as Illegal Parking is Aggressive Subletting, characterized by many frantic posts in every University listserv and/or Facebook group you can possibly think of, demanding that someone live in your “AMAZING house on 14th street with an INCREDIBLE location and negotiable price and couches included and my roommates are great and I really do not want to be paying for an empty house with money that could be better spent on things like late night dumplings and PLEASE please take this spot it’s such a good deal.” A word of advice: spare yourself the trouble and try to find/negotiate for a 10-month lease.
6. Amenities
As stated above, there are certain things that may or may not be included in your rent price. Amenities (water, electricity) are a couple of these variable things. It’s all fun and games until you turn your heater up one degree and have to pay 12 million more dollars that month just because the iced coffee you were drinking made you cold. Also, it is imperative you set aside at least three hours to enlist a friendly computer science student to help you configure your WiFi. Last year, my roommates and I argued with the Internet company on the phone for so long we considered flying to wherever this guy was and practicing some strategically-placed kickboxing moves. Also, hopefully those brave enough to major in computer science will also be able to help you with your calculus homework.
7. Rental company
Note that all Law students are only pre-law and not real lawyers, so they won’t be able to help you when you inevitably have trouble with an inconsiderate landlord. You may end up spending some time and effort crafting passive aggressive emails to your landlord on a weekly basis. Sometimes I consider moving back into old dorms. At least then I won't be subjected to surprise construction in my parking spot on four separate occasions resulting in my having to park three miles away from my apartment, being late to class and losing half a letter grade. With no apology from the company that is a TV channel which is definitely not called NBC. Still #bitter.
8. Size
In the game of housing, size matters. The size of your living room can be the difference between having the pregame of the year and THE pregame of the year. Between attempting to do an online pilates video in the privacy of your home and forcing yourself to go to the gym and then running into 12 people you didn’t want to see. A bedroom with a few extra square feet could be the difference between a full-sized bed and a twin. A bigger closet? The difference between being able to bring all three hula skirts you’ll never wear and just two.
9. Cleanliness
It’s common knowledge that the stairwells in any apartment complex will be wrought with pizza boxes probably thrown there circa 2003. There will probably be blood/vomit/bodily fluid stains outside your apartment door, and inexplicable cracks in your walls. I can smell Wertland Square from a mile away. But there is a difference between apartments which are totally disgusting and those just damaged from the wear and tear of your average University student. Always take a tour of the apartment you’re going to live in, and maybe even force the current occupants to hire a professional SWAT team to exterminate anything left over after their departure.
10. Neighbors
Last year, I was #blessed with the privilege of living below four girls who walked as if they had lead in their shoes. They loved to do exercise videos which involved jumping, and they spent huge amounts of time screaming at their boyfriends on the phone. Walls are thin and people suck, so it’s important not to overlook who will potentially live near you when you choose a location. Oftentimes this is out of your control, but signing a lease to live in a split-level house below the lacrosse team will most likely not entail a serene atmosphere from the hours of 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. GrandMarc will always be akin to a hotel house party, and The Pointe always seems to have surprise fire alarms. Basically, if you want peace and quiet, move into the bottom floor of Clemons.
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