I’m not going to begin by lecturing on the great virtues of honesty or the evils of lying. At an early age, these ideals were instilled in us through the use of groundings and time outs. However, as we grow older, we learn that people lie. Compulsive lies, bold-faced lies, white lies — the spectrum is broad and used by many, even our parents.
My brother, my mother and I were in the Dominican Republic when we learned our family dog, Sassy, had passed away. We were told she died naturally, peacefully, while sleeping in front of the fireplace. However, it wasn’t until weeks later, when I saw a bill for a euthanization, that I knew differently.
Our parents viewed this as a white lie — one told to benefit my brother and I. But we didn’t see it this way. Initially, we felt robbed for not being able to support Sassy in her final hours. We furiously wondered why they couldn’t have waited three days for us to get home. In the end, it was agreed that drawing out the sick dog’s pain would have been cruel. Still, why the lie?
Did our parents think this version of Sassy’s death was more comforting? Did they feel guilty about putting her down without us? Did they see us as weak? No matter their rationalization, the lie inevitably hurt and sparked an internal debate about the right time and place for a white lie.
I believe a white lie can only be constituted as such if the emotions of the recipient are the main consideration. If the liar receives all the benefit from a lie, it cannot be deemed “white.” It is also important to decide whether or not the lie is worth it. If the recipient finds out, will they be in a worse emotional state than if the lie had never been told? For white lies, risk and reward must be weighed, and the liar must try to ensure maximum benefit for the recipient.
The best examples of white lies include fantastic creatures such as the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. While children are happy to believe these stories, there is a bit of sadness and a feeling of nostalgia when they eventually find out the truth. However, most importantly, they are grateful they were told the lie in the first place and go on to tell these stories to their children. Ironically, these are the purest white lies. Others are not as simple to categorize.
Although I would have preferred to know the truth behind Sassy’s death, I would still classify my parents’ lie as “white.” Though misguided, the rationalization behind the fabricated story was intended to provide comfort for my brother and me.
Although my brother and I were old enough to take comfort in the fact that Sassy’s suffering was not prolonged, we cannot resent our parents for having taken our feelings into consideration. In the end, this allowed me to accept the lie as “white” and call into question whether or not there is a time and a place for lying — maybe honesty isn’t always the best policy.
Abigail’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at a.lague@cavalierdaily.com.
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