1. Failing a midterm is totally fine
So you failed a test and your ego is squashed, that’s just where you ought to be in life! No one makes it through college with their self-esteem completely unscathed. The more cataclysmic mistakes, the better. May as well let your self-esteem take its hits now while you’re young and can bounce back faster than your GPA. Speaking of your GPA, that is going to take hits too. That doesn’t mean you’re not absolutely perfect, it just means that you’re challenging yourself. Look at you surpassing your previous boundaries. I’m sure it brings tears to many a proud parents’ eye despite having failing grades — what they don’t know won’t kill them.
2. You are definitely coasting already
To quote Bon Jovi, “we’re halfway there!” We already made it through half the duration of our classes this semester with varying levels of success. Nevertheless, our progress cannot be stopped! With half of the semester gone and winter break looming, we are sincerely excelling.
3. You still have your looks
Maybe academia is really just not the best right now. You’re still super cute! Next time you fail a test, really take a look in the mirror. Not to introspectively self-evaluate, just literally stare at yourself. Look at that beautiful failure! And what better place to be young and mid-meltdown than college? A varying array of self-destructive activities are at your fingertips. Dropping out might seem like a good idea when you get a D back on your Chem test, but then where would you party your woes away? Grades go up and down, but you are consistently attractive.
4. The University would definitely fall apart without you
Home is definitely the place to be when you need to relax and recuperate, but college is where it’s at in the long-term. Good GPA or not, college life would miss you if you left! What would your favorite study spots even do without you? If you don’t trip in front of a whole group of people, what stories will they have to tell their friends? Who will annoy the people of Clark if you’re not there to loudly whisper about your problems? The people of our University need you! What would your poor professors do if you stopped coming to class — who would lightly irritate them by loudly eating cookies? Don’t even get me started on what your friends would do without you. You are absolutely the glue of this University.
5. There is that one thing that makes you stay
Think about your favorite class, or at least that one class you’re doing super well in. Why would you give that up just because you’re failing everything else? Science be damned, you’re killing the Econ game! Or perhaps you have a sport or activity that makes all of the bad things seem like background noise. Maybe you just like watching sports, or sitting on this one bench or napping on the Lawn. Hang on to that one piece and glide through the rest. If there’s even one thing you absolutely adore about being here — even though I’m guessing there’s more than one because let’s be real, the University is pretty great — then you must stay. Stay and do what you love!
6. You are a “Hoo” through and through
I don’t know if you went to the Bicentennial launch party, but if you did, I think we all felt a lot of University pride that night. That’s your Rotunda that Leslie Odom Jr. sang in front of. Every time we open a book or walk down the Lawn, we’re making history simply by being here. We’re overly fond of Thomas Jefferson, and that is perfectly fine because he gave us this beautiful place. It’s those times that we all come together that you really know you’re a part of something incredibly important, be it a football game, convocation or a concert. If you see Tina Fey or Katie Couric on television, remember that we are exactly where they were at this time in their lives. I’m pretty sure we’re just as awesome as them, you guys. We are definitely going to conquer this life game just like they did. When you walk past the Rotunda, affectionately known as “Tundie,” or take a book out of Alderman, remember how cool your life is right now. You are essentially living out the plot of “Gilmore Girls.”
7. What school could compare?
I mean honestly, every other school is inferior, right? I say this in jest but I might secretly believe it. Sitting in the Harry Potter room, in the Special Collections library, on the Lawn or honestly just in my dorm room, I can’t help but think that the University really is something special. We all have those “wow” moments when we realize we actually get to go to school here. I don’t think any other place would really motivate us like this place does. And when we inevitably get tired of being driven, there’s Bodo’s and any other number of comforting places to soothe our woes. It’s all about balance, and the University has it in plenty!
8. This is your time to make waves
I’m pretty sure every single person here is going to do something amazing with their lives. Do you ever just see people in the library and think they are probably the next president, best-selling author or ground-breaking scientist? We’ll get to say we knew them way back before they were famous. Or we’ll be them, who knows! You’re here to accomplish something and you’re definitely going after it. Whether you just want to get your degree and dip out or you’re planning on changing the whole world, what you do here will make a difference, if only to you. Don’t worry, you’ll have time to relax later!
9. A degree could be nice to have
Look, I definitely know that many people have been successful without a college degree. Trust me, if I thought I could pull a Mark Zuckerberg, I would definitely make it happen. On the other hand, I would enjoy saying that I graduated from the University of Virginia. Nobody needs to know with what GPA, right? Think of that sense of accomplishment you’ll get upon graduating. You can officially say that you did one better than Edgar Allen Poe!
10. The real world is terrifying
I know the whole goal is to eventually have a career, but just not yet, please. The responsibility is already sending me into a state of panic. Let’s stay in our happy “University-life” bubble just a little bit longer. Living here, surrounded by my favorite ‘Hoos, is nothing short of a small miracle when I think of what the world will have in store for us next. The real world has Pavilion gardens and secret societies, yes? If not, I think I’ll just stay here a little while longer and I suggest you do too. Catch us thriving in the stacks. Drink some espresso and get back after it, my lovely scholars.
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