There isn’t a more hot-button issue right now in America than the debate over the National Anthem and the protests surrounding it. Of course, I decided that the number one thing the country needs at this time is the opinion of a random 18-year-old college student, so here it is: We have to change the National Anthem to “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers.
Now, before you scoff at this suggestion, let me explain. When writing the poem which eventually led to the song “The Star Spangled Banner,” Francis Scott Key did not make one single reference to anyone “coming out of their cage” or to any single individual “doing just fine.” Key completely failed to comment upon the fact that “jealousy” as a concept is turning saints into the sea, or missed the mark entirely on pointing out that destiny is indeed calling each and every one of us. “Mr. Brightside” manages to complete all of these objectives and more.
Do you know how many Grammys Francis Scott Key was nominated for? If you guessed zero, then you would be absolutely correct. The Killers, on the other hand, have been nominated for seven. Do we really want to live in a country in which the author of our great anthem was not even recognized by music’s premier award? Of course not. Additionally, the Killers have won a total of 25 musical awards, including a VMA, an MTVu Woodie Award and a NARM Award. Do you think our old pal Francis Scott has won a NARM? Uh, LOL.
I know my argument may seem a bit childish and moronic, but let me quickly paint you a word picture. Imagine you’re at a major sporting event. The crowd is hyped and you’re relaxed while eating your favorite greasy game day food, but you aren’t quite excited enough for the game. Suddenly, the lights dim. A sea of volunteers unfurl a giant American flag on the field, and the opening guitar riff of Mr. Brightside echoes around the now-silent stadium. There are a few laughs, chuckles and boos: A lot of people have forgotten that the National Anthem was recently changed and most of them do not like it. However, as lead singer Brandon Flowers tears his way through the song’s iconic chorus, there is nothing anyone in the crowd can do except sing along. As the whole stadium is united in screaming out for someone to open up their eager eyes, you gaze up at the flag and never feel more proud to be an American than at that very moment. This is what can be achieved by changing the anthem. This is what the future of America can be.
I would also settle for “Ignition (Remix)” by R. Kelly.
Read More
U.Va. “Tourapocalypse”
By Adair Reid | 4 days agoSpring is a beautiful time for Guides to go on the offensive and really highlight the beauty of Grounds from the pollen-caked sidewalks to the lovely-smelling new mulch.
Dear Power Outlet, My Dearest Darling Love
By Maggie McHaty | April 17, 2024My dearest darling love, the concussion to my midnight snowball fights on the Lawn, the 2023 sewage flood to my Brown Residential College, I know I should not have come back.
University squirrels unionize
By Claudia Hunn | April 11, 2024This week, an unlikely group discovered their own collective power as workers by unionizing — a community of University squirrels now known as the Squirrel Workers’ Guild, or SWG.
