In one of the most unprecedented moves in collegiate dining history, U.Va. Dine announced Monday the launch of the Rotunda Royale Games — students will be fighting for Flex Dollars, meal exchanges and edible food.
According to University officials and due to the mounting costs of feeding thousands of students on an ever-shrinking budget, the only fair solution is a battle — pitting roommate against roommate, frat bro against frat bro and people-watcher against people-watcher.
The prize for the champion of these games will be access to the “Super All Access Mega Dining Plan” — a gold star dining experience rumored to have food that actually tastes good, as well as a 24/7 pancake bar, exotic fruit-like strawberries and Newcomb’s backroom poker nights with Ms. Kathy. The plan still only allows for 10 guest swipes and two meal exchanges a day, but gives its holders unlimited access to the new Flex Dollar Casino.
Students can sign up to participate in the games through Student Information System, making sure to enroll in the “Are you READY TO ROYALE?” class. The four-digit course ID “PHAT 4555” can be used to find the class, with registration starting May 2 at 4:64 a.m.
Some students have expressed interest in signing up for the games. Chuck McGriddle, third-year Engineering student, has already added the course to his shopping cart and is eager to secure his spot.
“I forgot about enrollment during my time slot, but I’m fixing my part-time student status so I can lock in for these games. I have six alarms set for Royale enrollment day,” McGriddle said.
Once enrolled, students will participate in a series of daring challenges. The University has contracted Dystopian Solutions LLC to facilitate and craft the games. Dystopian’s spokesperson Tye Rant, assistant consultant for Wipeout, shared his excitement on Instagram.
“totally excited to run the rotundy royale games for virginia. can’t wait to start. can someone tell me if the rotunda is moveable, its lowkey in the way,” Rant said.
So far, the games themselves are set to include a laundry run from the trenches of the Courtenay, Dunglison and Fitzhugh dorms to the Cauthen basement carrying 20-pound loads of stained jeans and socks, a relay from the Lawn to Runk and back and a Jeopardy game to win Flex Dollars.
Critics have been debating whether or not these games will unfairly benefit student-athletes over regular students. However, some individuals like Patty Melt, president of U.Va. Dine, have different opinions.
“Nerds get everything. Athletes need to get more. Life is too unfair to them,” Melt said.
Administration has settled on the Rotunda Royale Games being the perfect solution to student versus student-athlete discrepancies after big-money donors told them it was. But in the spirit of fair competition, Melt has given University faculty and students an inside scoop into what they can expect.
“To begin, all spectators will have to pay a fee. Unfortunately, the University’s funds are running low, and commercializing sports is the best solution. We take inspiration from the Virginia men’s basketball team and how they have made money by replacing our team's talent with player sponsored merch!” Melt said.
Additionally, the University is set to unveil their all new Flex-Bets parlay system to get increased funding for the games and for dining across Grounds. Chance Wager, founder of Flex-Bets and third-year computer science student in the College, shared his plans for the app.
“I plan to use a portion of the money I earn from the parlay system to open ‘TJ’s Smoothie Cafe’ on Grounds,” Wager said. “No student should have to pay $35.99 for a three-ounce smoothie from Juice Laundry.”
When asked for his thoughts on the Rotunda Royale Games, second-year College student Chadwick “Chad” Flexington explained his excitement.
“I have been ready for this since the first time I swiped into O’Hill. Plus, my brain can’t tell the difference between being in an emergency and not having enough Flex Dollars to get into Gaston’s Market … so I'm motivated, don’t worry.” Lexington said.
As the Rotunda Royale Games continue to be planned, it’s clear that only the most cunning, strategic and desperate students will be successful in this race for food.
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