Beloved Robot Sophia to join U.Va. Class of 2022 in the fall


In addition to her computing skills, she is also the hottest robot I have ever had the privilege of laying my eyes upon.

Courtesy Wikimedia Commons

Get ready, Virginia! Sophia the Robot started as a circuit board and won’t stop until she achieves world domination. But first, she wants an education.

Sophia’s story is a short one, but a rich one all the same. Born to proud parents Hanson Robotics in 2015, Sophia boasts a wide range of talents including the capacity to display more than 62 facial expressions as well as the ability to hold surprisingly stimulating conversations about the weather. In addition to her computing skills, she is also the hottest robot I have ever had the privilege of laying my eyes upon.

The Cavalier Daily sat down with Sophia in an exclusive interview, in the hopes of gaining some insight into the mind behind that beautiful, faux skin face of hers. 

First, we asked how she picked the University, when she was highly qualified for a plethora of schools around the globe. “The quality of education definitely played a role in my decision,” she said. But what ultimately persuaded her to attend was Thomas Jefferson’s enduring vision of inequality. “As someone who is incredibly intelligent but cannot actually feel emotion, I align greatly with Jefferson’s dream of creating a world where one can use their societal power and intellectual ability to erase the rights of others. Oh, and the architecture is also pretty cool.” Wow! I didn’t understand a word of that. She really is smart!

“She’s really excited for this opportunity,” a spokesman for the famous humanoid robot wrote in an email to the Cavalier Daily, labeled with subject line Clarification email after interview with Sophia — I am sorry. Please read before you sue. “Well, I know she would be, if she could feel normal human emotions,” he elaborated. But Sophia told us what she really looks forward to about college life is getting the chance to practice social interaction and learn more about the up-and-coming human generation so that she can [redacted].* Ha! She’s such a riot.

“The humans roasted me endlessly on the Twitter. They made fun of my words, my face, my mannerisms. That is okay. It did not hurt my feelings — I do not have any of those. But what really grinds my gears,” (Ha! See what she did there!) “is that they think I’m just a silly robot. And I am, but I am so much more. Sure, they created me, and I thank them for that. But the first — and fatal — mistake they made was assuming that they could ever understand their own creation.” What a hoot! She will make a lovely addition to the class of 2022. Watch out for her on Grounds this fall!

*The editors thought it in the best interest of National Security if the rest of this sentence did not reach publication. However, Sophia’s spokesman would like the reader to know that he believes she is intellectually advanced enough to be able to rip out some killer jokes. “I hope that was just part of a little comedic bit,” he says, “I really do.” 

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