1. Sleep through it
Once classes are over, there will be nothing to yank my body out of bed in the morning. I’m ready for my sleep schedule to get real weird, real quick. Hopefully my roommate keeps me somewhat on track, but if I end up sleeping for 14 hours and then not at all, I won’t even be surprised. To my body — why are you so needy?
2. Don’t sleep at all
To everyone in Clem at 2 a.m. on Monday morning — I see you, I am you and I feel your pain. The fluorescent lighting really serves to highlight all of the vast mistakes I must have made to end up grinding this late. I even had to miss “Game of Thrones.” Luckily, I heard it was another filler episode. If there had been a major death, there would have been a riot in this library.
Finals? Never heard of her. As far as I’m concerned, those points are freely given, right? I mean, everyone I know has been working non-stop all semester. Surely, we’ve earned our grades by now. As someone who has memorized the entire human metabolic system, my only question is, “You want me to memorize more?” There must have been a miscommunication as to how much information my brain can hold. I can feel it getting heavier already.
4. Almost nauseating optimism
This is the only thing that has gotten me through past finals, and I’m expecting it to kick in again at any moment. Of course, there is a fine line between optimism and delusion. If anyone finds that line, please let me know. It’s possible I’m so far on the side of delusion, the line is just a dot to me now. I was never much a fan of reality anyways.
5. Micromanage your own life
I’m loving that everyone has individually come to the conclusion that we should all make study schedules. My study schedule is stored in my Notes app, along with my daily to-do lists, a list of major assignments I have left and a list of happy things to balance out the negative energy. Though, to be honest, my notes are still heavily anxiety-ridden. Maybe I need to add a list of the cutest animals I’ve seen so far or the number of times my friends and I make eye contact in class and mouth “help” to make the distribution more equal.
6. Listen to Broadway music
Feel free to skip this one if you don’t like musicals. Now that those people have stopped reading, who in their right mind doesn’t like musicals? Like, are they okay? Here’s my top bops at the moment — “Defying Gravity,” “Bound to You” and the entire “Hamilton” album. All musicals are crazy inspirational in my opinion. If Alexander Hamilton can create a nation, maybe I can pass my classes. That’s about the same level of achievement, right?
If you don’t already know this, I can’t even imagine how you have survived the semester thus far. I just realized I had six shots of espresso today. Maybe I shouldn’t be encouraging this behavior in others. But who am I kidding? Please join me on this caffeine-fueled adventure.
8. Rely on your friends
We’re all struggling. We all feel this heavy burden that is simultaneously trying to do well on your finals and still somehow survive until the summer. If your friend is struggling in the chair next to you, at least you know you’re not the only one that is bad at managing stress. Midnight Insomnia Cookies, anyone?
Last semester, I watched dozens of David Dobrik videos on YouTube. This semester, my entire life is already a distraction. I would say my most frequent reaction this semester has been, “Wait, did that just happen?” And the answer is always a resounding “Yes.” Netflix also works. I love seeing “Friends” playing on all of the laptop screens in the library. Me too, friends. Me too.
10. Remember there is a world outside of finals
There is a time in the near future when we all will be tanning and happily forgetting all of the information we just crammed into our brains. Finals are important, but so are a lot of other things. Being happy is important. My cat is important. Dismantling the patriarchy is important. Let’s put this in perspective. One day, we’ll all be real adults that don’t live like reality TV show stars, and we’ll say “I’m so happy I studied and was successful, but past me was definitely a hot mess.” Or at least, that is what I will say. If you’re having a breakdown about a particular grade, remember that your dreams aren’t made of glass — they won’t break if you drop them a bit. I’m pretty sure the five second rule still applies. Pick your dreams up, dust them off and move on. We’re all rooting for you!