So here it is, the middle of the semester. We’ve all come so far, and yet there is still so much more to go. If you’re someone like me, at this point you’re hanging on by your last thread, your blood is practically straight-up coffee and you can’t remember where you left your self-respect or sleep schedule. Just me?
It’s also a very exciting time for The Cavalier Daily — we are celebrating the 130th year of our paper’s publication. If within the last few seconds you just realized that The Cavalier Daily is in its 130th year of being published, don’t be too hard on yourself. We all drop the ball every once in a while and forget the occasional birthday or anniversary. Besides, you probably had exams to take, papers to write, all that good stuff. It’s all right, it seems most people missed the memo, myself included.
No offense to the paper, it’s just that there's quite a bit else going on right now out in the world. Impeachment dominates the headlines, Trick-or-Treating on the Lawn was scandalously rescheduled to Nov. 1 because of rain, the Washington Nationals won their first World Series title, Bronco Mendenhall and the football team might actually beat Tech this year and all the tables in Clem are still taken.
We can all agree that we feel guilty for forgetting The Cavalier Daily’s anniversary, and we all silently agree that we should get them something, even if it’s last-minute. Thankfully, there is still recourse. If you find yourself in an especially festive and giving mood, there are a couple things you can do on and around Grounds to help celebrate the 130th year of The Cavalier Daily.
Streak the Lawn, but during the day
Partaking in the old tradition of Streaking the Lawn is hardly news. Rather, it’s an expected rite of passage for all U.Va. students. But things have been relatively slow-going in terms of nice, juicy stories, and what would really be a nice gift to the paper is precisely that. Just take a second to consider what an unforgettable tribute it would be to both journalism and school history! You’d permanently scar those uppity Lawnies, make Homer thankful for his blindness, and give our News team one hell of a headline all in one fell swoop. You’d be blazing new trails, setting a new trend by streaking in broad daylight. You know you want that notoriety, that immortality. Go ahead and do it, you coward. Do it for The Cavalier Daily.
Actually learn the words to the Good Ol’ Song
Let’s make all those hot-take opinion pieces worth it. Those poor writers are doing yeoman’s work, writing tirelessly about what really matters on these Grounds, and you have the gall to not memorize one little fight song. The Good Ol’ Song is a cornerstone of U.Va. culture, and you practically have a civic duty to participate in it. You might think you’re pulling a fast one on your friends and everyone else on the Hill whenever the Hoos score, but you’re not fooling anybody. Everyone can tell that the only line you know is “F—k Tech!”, and it becomes painfully obvious when you try to compensate for your ignorance with sheer volume and excessive swaying. I will admit, if you’re only going to remember one line, it might as well be that one, but even Tina Fey knows you can be better. Before you can begin keeping it good, you have to know it. You’re a student here, for TJ’s sake!
Get them a card
Nothing screams “I just remembered in the last five minutes that it was your birthday, but I technically didn’t forget” like a cheesy Hallmark card from CVS. I’m not sure if there’s a “School Newspaper Anniversary” category, but I’ve got a good feeling about it. If one or two of our more intrepid readers would even like to go so far as to scrounge up a gift card or something for The Cavalier Daily, that would be appreciated. If you do end up getting them a card, put my name on it too. Just say it’s from all of us. I’ll get you back, I’m good for it.
Nick Newton is a Humor Columnist at The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at email@example.com.