We are pleased to announce that after much student uproar, University President Jim Ryan and the rest of the University’s board members have decided we are at a crucial point in education. We have faced many developments in education throughout history — books and written language, digital calculators, computers in the Internet age. And now finally a culmination of all of these advancements — interactive learning via TikTok. Under the TikTok Interface Trial To Improve Educational Services — T.I.T.T.I.E.S. — the University will be investing a base amount of $25 million to kickstart several U.Va. TikTok accounts.
When asked if this money could be better invested elsewhere, President Ryan remained adamant. “I mean, sure, we could build on-Grounds housing that ISN’T rat infested, or get some edible food in the dining halls, or air freshener for Thornton Hall, but we wanted to focus on the one thing students are TRULY passionate about. Besides, LAST time I tried to invest in a nice new space, you guys started a Twitter war! Plus, TikTok told me that they’d pay for my Rogaine treatments as long as I don’t mention they’re stealing all your dat- WAIT DON'T WRITE THAT!”
How will this work? Every professor will give their regularly-scheduled lectures, but afterwards, they will boil the day’s core concepts down into a one-minute TikTok for easy consumption and review by their students. While reciting the main points of the lecture, professors will also be asked to learn the ‘Renegade’ dance, among others, to keep their students engaged. One complaint students have about large lectures is a lack of accountability to attend class or keep up with reading. To help quell this issue, President Ryan suggests that professors pick students at random to come to the front of the class and perform the previous night’s TikTok dance. In addition, during office hours, professors will also vow to have their TikTok DMs open, and students can even do duet videos with the professor’s lecture for maximum retention.
This plan has been touted as a way to increase student engagement, especially in an era where students may use TikTok at a rate of 300 percent more than homework time. It takes the average person 16 views of a TikTok to learn a typical dance. If students are watching the video several times to prepare for the atten-dance, they will also retain the lecture audio playing in the background. Imagine — you’re going down an hour long TikTok spiral, avoiding your homework and suddenly on your “For You” page pops up Economics Professor Kenneth Elzinga renegading along while teaching you the principles of supply and demand! What could be more engaging?! If you have doubts about the effectiveness of this campaign, I ask you to consider just how often you hear a Vine video quoted. Now consider if you could recite your psychology as well as you do with the “I sure hope it does” Vine.
Group testing has warranted several positive responses. “I didn’t get my intro Italian class until I heard Roddy Ricch in the background!” College student Sarah H. said. “I really liked the ‘POV: you’re a finch in the Galapagos.’ It totally helped me for my Bio test,” Nursing student Daniel R. said.
The University prides itself on being on the cutting edge of technological advances, and this is no exception. In order to establish the right foundation for this department, the University will be recruiting TikTok’s most viral eboys and egirls, or as they will be referred to at the University, ‘escholars’. The school would like to facilitate a quick and comfortable transition to on-app learning, so there will be a training session hosted in the Dome room of the Rotunda announced next week. Stay tuned for developments, as there are even rumors of a TikTok concentration within the Media Studies department!
Emily Porter is a Humor Columnist for The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at humor@cavalierdaily.com
Read More
U.Va. “Tourapocalypse”
By Adair Reid | 3 days agoSpring is a beautiful time for Guides to go on the offensive and really highlight the beauty of Grounds from the pollen-caked sidewalks to the lovely-smelling new mulch.
Dear Power Outlet, My Dearest Darling Love
By Maggie McHaty | 6 days agoMy dearest darling love, the concussion to my midnight snowball fights on the Lawn, the 2023 sewage flood to my Brown Residential College, I know I should not have come back.
University squirrels unionize
By Claudia Hunn | April 11, 2024This week, an unlikely group discovered their own collective power as workers by unionizing — a community of University squirrels now known as the Squirrel Workers’ Guild, or SWG.
