As Valentine's Day rapidly approaches, couples scramble to plan the “perfect” date night — reservations are made in a frenzy, flowers are preordered and chocolates are purchased at record speed. Meanwhile, social media floods with aesthetic gift ideas, romantic photo dumps and the occasional soft or hard launch. Everywhere, couples seem to be basking in their love for one another and reveling in their shared happiness.
For students who are not involved in romantic relationships, the holiday can croon a bit of a different tune — one equally shaped by compassion, companionship and comparison. In turn, several University students are re-evaluating what this day of love means to them, discovering that romance is not the be-all and end-all of love.
Despite being a self-proclaimed “hopeless romantic,” single third-year College student Sophie Talreja is surprisingly unfazed by Valentine's Day — so much so that she occasionally forgets it is happening at all.
“It’s kind of not really on my mind until people start bringing it up and I end up on the week where it shows up on my Google Calendar,” Talreja said. “That's when I'm like okay, lets get it over with … It's just another day to me.”
For some students not involved in serious romantic partnerships, the societal pressure to be in a relationship can cause Valentine's Day to feel unpleasant — dreaded, even. Third-year Architecture student Daniel Fleming said that social media further increases this pressure during the romantic holiday. He noted how online platforms can function similar to a highlight reel that emphasizes romantic partnership as life's ultimate triumph, while omitting its trials and tribulations.
“Especially with Valentine's Day coming up, I think that there's a lot of social pressure to be in a relationship,” Fleming said. “Sometimes it feels like, when you're single and people are posting [romantic] stuff, [they’re] bragging. But then, obviously what you see [on] social media is only a tiny, tiny part of these people's lives that they want to share.”
While posts online are a mediated experience from reality, Talreja acknowledges how they can exacerbate feelings of jealousy. For her, seeing the influx of romantic posts prompts her to reflect on her own lifelong experience of being single.
“I think the jealousy stems from a place of seeing someone have something I want,” Talreja said. “It also comes back to the fact that I've never been someone who's like, ‘I don't want a boyfriend. ’Since I was a kid, I've been like ‘Oh, I want a prince.’”
Fleming, like Talreja, also laments over the holiday — but for different reasons. He reflects on how the function of the holiday has shifted as individuals grow older and become more active on social media. He said that moving away from individualized expressions of affection, like candy grams, and towards more performative curations of relationships, like Instagram carousels, can minimize the authenticity of the holiday.
“In elementary school, [with] the candy grams, it's not a romantic thing. You're doing it with friends … it’s just a time to share,” Fleming said. “As you grow older, it be[comes] a more interpersonal thing, almost like competition [of] ‘How can I present myself and my relationship in the best light?’ … I feel like it almost detracts from the day.”
Although she will be celebrating Valentine’s Day 13 hours earlier than the rest of the student body in Charlottesville, third-year College student Karolyn Mitchell — who is currently studying abroad in Hong Kong — notes how being single has not jaded her perception of love on Valentine’s Day. Instead, she regards other students’ heartfelt proclamations and cheesy celebrations with admiration.
“It's supposed to be like a holiday where you show your love and appreciation for people. So if I see people happy together, [I’m] not gonna be like ‘Ah, you guys suck,’” Mitchell said.
Reflecting on her past relationship, Mitchell recognized that she once heavily relied on romantic companionship for emotional fulfillment. Now, she realizes that in this chapter of her life, she has found similar fulfillment in cultivating genuine platonic friendships. As she prepares to spend the holiday at a social event with friends and fellow exchange students, Mitchell said she will lean on these connections — not as a substitute for romance, but as a more sustainable source of support.
Echoing this sentiment, Fleming said that this sustained support is not likely to come from a mere stuffed animal or a box of chocolates, either. In his view, what is intended as a celebration of love has become increasingly performative and commercialized.
“I feel like it's very consumerist. Obviously it's about buying and spending money and showing off but that's just a general thing with every holiday … I feel like that takes away from the more internal point [of] spending time with [and] appreciating your partner,” Fleming said.
According to the National Retail Federation, consumer spending is expected to set a new record this Valentine’s Day, with the average person spending $200 on their partner compared to $147 in 2016. This high price tag is exacerbated by tariffs on imported products — which apply to many classic Valentine’s Day gifts, like teddy bears and boxed chocolates.
Although she acknowledges the superficial nature of the holiday, Talreja admits that the day still evokes some feeling of loneliness for her. Surrounded by celebrations of love, she sometimes finds herself wondering why she has not found that kind of connection yet for herself.
“[Valentine’s Day] is a reminder [that] there's so many people out there who have found somebody, so why can't I?” Talreja said.
In reflecting on these challenges, Mitchell offers some advice to single students seeking to overcome feelings of loneliness. In particular, she encourages them to step outside their comfort zone as she has done during her time abroad.
“Make yourself uncomfortable, put yourself out there in a way that you might not have wanted to before,” Mitchell said. “It's hard. I'm an introvert and I've been doing that since I've gotten to [Hong Kong], and I'm so much happier and better for it.”
For Fleming, time spent without a partner does not evoke feelings of loneliness, but rather an opportunity to prioritize himself. He encourages students in similar situations to enjoy the extra time that comes with single life — time that can be used to to focus on oneself.
Through their various experiences, Talreja, Fleming and Mitchell ultimately view Valentine's Day not as a source of despair for single individuals, but rather as an opportunity for self-reflection and appreciation for this solo era of their lives. They highlight the holiday’s deeper purpose, which is to celebrate love in all forms — toward oneself, friends, family and everyone else in between.
“Love [is] to be found in many different places. Obviously, yes, I want a boyfriend. But I also have friends,” Talreja said. “It's not just about your partner. I know the whole Valentine's thing is coming into play, [but] you can do whatever you want with it.”
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