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(04/20/24 9:32pm)
As Grounds warms up and all the trees you forgot about over the winter suddenly start blooming, pollen won’t be the only allergen swarming the Rotunda — it’s time to add crowds of disgruntled high schoolers to the mix. Now that Grounds no longer resembles a Neoclassical version of District 12 from “The Hunger Games,” every academically beaten-down junior in high school is being dragged to the University by their parents.
(03/14/24 7:02pm)
Editor’s Note: This article is a humor column.
(12/27/23 12:11am)
As the holiday season approaches and U.Va. students all over Grounds prepare to drop their books and face-plant on the nearest couch, Christmas stop-motion, claymation-like productions are gearing up to traumatize watchers of all ages — CAPS therapy sessions beware. From “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” to the classic “Nestor The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey,” these television specials popped up in the 1960s and onward, retelling Christmas stories and creating new ones using the unique medium of clay. With their casts of weird characters and specific pre-climate change nostalgia that can only be described as “Christmas if it actually snowed in December,” these shows have made their mark on the holiday season — but like all things on Earth, they don’t matter unless they can be applied to U.Va. students. Obviously.
(11/08/23 5:08am)
We’ve all been there — 9 a.m. on a Monday, just trying to make it through your first class of the day that, as a result of your poor planning skills and slow reflexes, happens to be a completely unnecessary discussion section. It’s fine for the first five minutes while your TA shuffles papers and 20 other pairs of eyebags settle into their chairs. And then the peaceful silence of the class is bombarded by That One Kid Who Won’t Just Shut Up.
(10/30/23 5:25pm)
After a devastating 26-29 loss against the University of Miami, the Cavaliers still remain behind the pack with a 2-6 record. Facing pressure from outraged alumni commenting on every Virginia-sports-affiliated social media account and despondent students, Coach Tony Elliot finally let it slip — the record is actually part of the ritual sacrifice to the ACC Commissioner James J. Phillips.