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(01/29/09 7:56am)
Here’s a fun fact for the day: Did you know British singer Amy Winehouse is still alive and kicking? As preposterous as that might sound, given her known penchant for drugs, alcohol, drugs and, well, more drugs, it is indeed true. Most recently, a British tabloid, The Sun, reported that a top executive from Mrs. Winehouse’s — yes, she’s still married to her incarcerated husband — record label flew down to the Caribbean island where she is currently residing. This got us thinking: What kind of advice would a label executive dish out to Amy in her current state? To be honest, it will probably be something quite boring, but we here at tableau have a few of our own ideas. If anyone has Mrs. Winehouse’s current address, please let us know, and we will pass these suggestions along to her.Move to Siberia: Trying to escape the notoriously persistent and degrading British tabloids, Amy had the right idea by moving away for a long vacation. But moving to St. Lucia, a popular tourist site where no one will have any problem finding her ... well, that was not so smart. Moving to Siberia would guarantee massive amounts of privacy and with few extracurricular activities available, maybe Mrs. Winehouse would be forced to write a song or two.Get Endorsed: They say the only way to kick an addiction is to find another one, so we suggest Amy clean up her act and get Coca-Cola to make her its newest spokesperson. This way, she will get all the free Coke she could want and hopefully keep herself away from the real thing. Dinner with Michael Jackson: A mere five minutes with the former King of Pop would drive anyone to want to straighten his or her life out, so a full five-course meal with him should definitely drive Amy back to sanity — even if only because of the fear that she is seemingly on her way to becoming just as weird and eccentric in as bad a way as Jackson is. Skeptics may scoff at this Bush-esque use of scare tactics, to which we reply: Drastic times call for extremely drastic measures.A Vow of Celibacy: It is impossible to blame only one person for Amy’s downfall, but if we had to, our finger goes straight toward Blake Fielder-Civil, Amy’s incarcerated husband. Rumored to have introduced her to many drugs and put her on the destructive path she’s been traveling for ages, Fielder-Civil has been nothing but bad news for Amy. A vow of celibacy is the only available option in our opinion, as it would mean little to no interaction with the opposite sex, and — considering her history — this can only be a good thing.Kidnap Mark Ronson: For those of you who do not know, Ronson is the producer extraordinaire who crafted Amy’s worldwide best-selling album Back to Black. If there is to be any hope that Amy can have a productive future, Ronson is definitely a key ingredient in that recipe. We highly doubt any producer would willingly work with Amy after the year she has had, so kidnapping is the only remaining option. Granted, a move to Siberia may not be on Ronson’s current schedule, but we think the ends might justify the means.
(11/20/08 6:00am)
It may be hard to believe, but it has actually been 10 years since Christina Aguilera asked us to “hit me baby one more time.” Since then, she has married a back-up dancer, gone to rehab, shaved her hea.., er, whoops, sorry, wrong pop star. However, you can hardly blame someone when struggling to remember specific things about Christina during the last decade, because it has always been more about the music than the spectacle with Miss Aguilera. For Christina (or Xtina, as she liked to be called during her dirrty phase), the decade mark seems like the perfect occasion to release her first greatest hits collection. Which brings us to Keeps Gettin’ Better: A Decade of Hits.Ordered chronologically, the 14-track collection highlights just how much Aguilera has changed with time, and each set of songs brings a distinctive image to mind. Starting off is, of course, the now teen-pop classic, “Genie in a Bottle.” Surprisingly, it still retains its punch. The production may be typical of its time, but even from an early age, Christina’s vocals carry the song into above-average territory. Equally fun is “Come on Over Baby (All I Want is You),” which was Christina’s third Billboard No. 1 and, surprisingly, her last. Like “Genie,” it has a great chorus, strong production and it doesn’t try too hard — something that does not last through the whole album.Pretty soon the listener is thrust into “Dirrty” (with two “r”s, just in case anyone is not convinced Aguilera wanted to completely shed her teen image). The song emphasizes its heavy bass, suggestive lyrics and even has a guest rap by Redman in the middle eight. Admittedly, it is more than a little awkward, but thankfully, things are saved with the one-two punch of “Fighter” and “Beautiful” — perhaps Aguilera’s two best singles yet.“Fighter,” with its roaring electric guitars, biting lyrics and vocal gymnastics, was one of Aguilera’s biggest musical risks, and it still pays off today. “Beautiful,” undeniably her biggest hit to date, is the one ballad on the album that works. Penned by her frequent collaborator, Linda Perry, “Beautiful” was famously recorded in one take — yet you would not know it, as there is not one vocal flaw in sight.From here things move on to her hits from the ambitious Back to Basics album, which saw Aguilera channel music from the 1940s and ‘50s with a modern edge. Most noticeably, “Ain’t No Other Man” fused the old-school vibe perfectly to the 21st century. The other songs from that album (“Hurt” and “Candyman”) fall short because of Aguilera’s greatest pitfall: over-singing. Aguilera was recently named one of Rolling Stone’s “100 Greatest Singers of All Time,” but for some reason she constantly feels the need to remind the listener that she can sing. We don’t need reminders — it was blatantly obvious when “Genie” was first released.Closing the album are two new tracks and two remixes of her biggest hits, “Genie” and “Beautiful,” that signal another change in direction. The two new tracks include current radio hit “Keeps Gettin’ Better” and “Dynamite,” which both possess great verses but are slightly let down by their choruses. The “Beautiful” remix is reminiscent of electro-pop group Goldfrapp, but the real revelation comes with “Genie 2.0.” With the over-singing taken out of the equation and great synthesizers thrown in, Christina is at her best. The song gives hope that in the future she will tone the vocals down and let the music do the talking for her.
(11/06/08 7:09am)
A new Bloc Party album is always a lesson in how to ignore the rule book. You never know what the band is going to throw at you and the only thing you can do is buckle in and hope to enjoy the ride. Known for its strong melodies and distinct British sound, Bloc Party has garnered a rapid underground fan base after it released its debut single in 2005, the indie-classic “Banquet.” The band has been trying to push boundaries ever since. On its third studio album, Intimacy, Bloc Party tries to capture the best of both of its worlds, from sprawling synth-rock to intimate ballads. The band nearly achieves it.From the beginning, it’s clear that Bloc Party is moving in a new direction. The chaotic opener, “Ares,” features heavy electric guitars, zigzagging synths and a chanted chorus of “We dance to the sound of sirens!” The follow-up and first single, “Mercury,” is strikingly similar. For a second, the listener might be scared that Bloc Party has thrown its ability to craft simple yet fresh melodies out the window. Thankfully, by the time the first half of the album closes, this fear has been put to rest.While songs like “Halo” and “Biko” are strong, the album reaches its pinnacle at the halfway point. Starting with a jingling of bells, a light string section and a steady percussion, “Signs” captures everything that is likable about Bloc Party. The melancholy lyrics deal with a lost love and are full of poignancy — “I see signs now all the time, that you’re not dead, you’re sleeping / I believe in anything, that brings you back, haunting me.” Lead singer Kele Okereke’s vocals sound great, and he is smart enough not to overshadow the even better instrumentation. The piece builds into a song that could be played on the dance floor, though everyone would be in tears. Its follow-up, “One Month Off,” is its complete opposite but just as excellent. Filled with big guitars, scattered synths and shouting vocals, it is the one song on the album most reminiscent of “Banquet.”Unfortunately, the album does not continue this winning streak all the way to the end. The album’s biggest misstep comes in the form of the odd “Zephyrus.” Distinctively different from the get-go with its clapping beat, it also sets itself apart by thrusting Okereke’s vocals to the forefront. With his unique voice, he is more than a capable vocalist. Nevertheless, he sounds bizarre when flanked by peculiar choral voices and not the usual layered synthesizers.The album closer, “Your Visits Are Getting Shorter,” sums up the album terrifically. Sounding like it was written with the Pet Shop Boys — alas, it was not — it has flashes of brilliance and works overall despite a few duff moments. It is different and not for beginners — Bloc Party has grown from the early days of “Banquet.” If you are willing to strap in knowing there will be a few speed bumps along the way, however, you will find it is worth the ride.
(10/30/08 8:50am)
Throughout the tedious writer’s strike, the dog days of summer when all the big budget releases had gone and the letdowns for fall television, only one thing this year has been consistently entertaining. Of course, we’re talking about the 2008 presidential election. It’s been so full of twists and turns that all the writers of Lost, Desperate Housewives, and Gossip Girl combined would not be able to come up with something as soap-operatic as this election. It has been every writer’s dream, and in honor of it, tableau has taken the time to hand out awards to the candidates, their running mates and everyone in between for the best and worst moments of the past 11-plus months.Best Sob Story: Back in early January, conveniently before the New Hampshire primary, Hillary Clinton broke down in tears during a question-and-answer segment in which she described her fears for the country. The inner softie in all of us sympathized with her, while the cynic howled in laughter at what seemed to be one of the most desperate and calculated displays of emotion of all time.Most with the Trends: While he may have been wearing them while we were all still in preschool, Joe Biden’s penchant for classic Ray-Ban Aviators shows he would fit right in strolling along the Lawn here on Grounds.Most Ridiculous Obama Pal: It is safe to say that the Democratic nominee has not always made the best decisions when it comes to his friends, but his contact with the Reverend Jeremiah Wright gets the award for the biggest eye-raiser. YouTube one of the reverend’s many sermons and allow your mouth to drop as he spouts some decidedly anti-American rhetoric. Luckily for Obama’s numbers, Americans decided to roll their eyes on that one.Most Questionable McCain Pal: John McCain has about 72 sets of odds stacked against him, but his biggest obstacle is President George W. Bush. In 2007 McCain and Bush shared the same opinion on legislation 95 percent of the time. Considering how things have turned out during Bush’s term, their ties makes for quite the head-scratcher when it comes to McCain’s own policies.Best Regular Joe: “Joe the Plumber,” of course! This regular dude was transformed into a national star overnight when he became a recurring subject in the third presidential debate, and was even skewered on SNL.Greatest Beauty Queen Moment: Katie Couric is not the most intimidating interviewer, so why Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin ended up sounding more like the infamous Miss Teen South Carolina than a future leader of America when asked about the recent $700 billion bailout is beyond is us.Most Boring Celebrity Endorsement: Oprah Winfrey’s endorsement of Barack Obama was utterly predictable, delivered without much spark and hardly worthy of the attention it received.Funniest Celebrity Endorsement: Although not an official endorsement, Paris Hilton’s response to John McCain’s ad linking Hilton’s celebrity to Obama’s popularity was the most entertaining and hilarious thing she’s ever put her name to and slammed McCain in favor of Obama in the process.Best Sarah Palin Moment: While Tina Fey gets a lot of buzz for her spot-on impersonation, let’s not forget the reason Palin became the star she is. At the Republican National Convention, Palin delivered her speech with more gusto than a number of Oscar-winning performances. Palin captured the nation’s eye, and love her or hate her, she hasn’t let us blink since.Show We’ll Never Watch Again After the Election: We’ll be tuning in to The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and even SNL occasionally once the election is over; however, we hereby swear off any YouTube-ing of The View to see what the four unintentionally hilarious ladies think of daily political events after Nov. 5 or 6... OK, give us the week, their arguments are a riot!
(10/09/08 7:44am)
T.I. is not as visionary as Kanye West, not as bankable as Lil’ Wayne and not as influential as Jay-Z, but do not let these small details take away from the fact that T.I. is one of the most talented rappers making music today. On his sixth album, Paper Trail, T.I. continues to demonstrate the split personality of his last album, T.I. vs. T.I.P. On the one hand, he displays his hit-making persona, including the No. 1 single “Whatever You Like.” On the other, he offers more inventive material — such as “Slide Show”, which features John Legend both playing piano and delivering an excellent chorus.After being convicted of a felony in February, T.I. was sentenced to spend the year 2009 in prison after completing 1,000 hours of community service, and the sentiment throughout Paper Trail reflects his outlook following these developments. Closing track “Dead and Gone” offers a huge synth-and-orchestral production backing T.I. while he delivers some of the best rapping on the whole album, and the feeling is distinctly remorseful. It is a starkly different tone from the rest of the album, most of which contains rap’s ubiquitous boastful lyrics, but T.I.’s flow makes it all easier to listen than, say, Soulja Boy.The album’s best moments come when the producers step out of their normal comfort zone. The two previously mentioned tracks, “Slide Show” and “Dead and Gone,” featuring John Legend and Justin Timberlake at the helms, respectively, are both examples of this. Another is “Live Your Life,” which is produced by Just Blaze, and samples elements of “Dragostea Din Tei” while featuring a standout chorus and verse by America’s current pop superstar, Rihanna. It is by far one of the album’s best moments and has already appeared as the No. 1 single on the iTunes top songs chart.There are a few moments on the album when trying to be inventive proves too much for T.I. and his cohorts, such as the M.I.A.-sampling “Swagga like Us.” Certainly it was a great idea on paper — get T.I., Kanye West, Lil Wayne and Jay-Z together on a song that samples the summer sleeper-hit “Paper Planes”; however, the result is a near disaster. The song is clunky, chaotic and lacks clear direction — when it finally ends, the listener is left wondering just what exactly all that noise was.T.I. also falls short when he brings in another guest, this time in the form of R&B crooner Usher, in the tabloid-bashing “My Life Your Entertainment.” Unlike “Swagga Like Us,” this one probably didn’t read well on paper from the beginning. To spend the majority of one’s album boasting about Gucci do-rags and flashy bling, and then turn around and ask for privacy just does not work. The main problem, however, is that T.I. is hardly a main staple of People and US Weekly magazines, which makes for a disconnect between the song and the listener.Despite these minor mishaps, the album does work as a whole. T.I. makes sure to plug in several universal party songs, such as the previously mentioned “Whatever You Like,” and the more creative “Swing Ya Rag,” which features an excellent production from producer Swizz Beatz. T.I.’s recent prison sentence has also brought out the softer side of him, such as the inspiring “No Matter What.” Also look out for “You Ain’t Missin’ Nothing,” which adds some cool jazz elements.As he prepares to enter the jail yard for a year, T.I. seems to have had a few revelations about his own character, and this is reflected throughout the album. It may not shake the industry as Lil Wayne’s Tha Carter III, or turn heads like Kanye West’s latest output, but do not be fooled — Paper Trail is one of 2008’s best rap albums made by a rapper who not only talks the talk, but can walk the walk too.
(09/11/08 5:02am)
One year after singlehandedly driving MTV’s Video Music Awards into the ground with a disastrous and dazed performance, Britney Spears returned to the VMA stage last Sunday to inject the flagging awards show with something she almost completely stripped from it — relevance. Appearing at the top of the show in a comedic skit with Superbad actor Jonah Hill, Spears appeared happy, healthy and (perhaps most relieving of all, after last year) sober.
This year marked the 25th anniversary of the VMAs, although besides a quick mention by Spears, there was little made of what should have been a monumental event that has hosted several marquee performances from the likes of Madonna, Prince and Spears herself. Rather than have the originals perform, MTV was content to allow Katy Perry of “I Kissed A Girl” fame to wrestle “Like a Virgin” and have Miley Cyrus perform “Livin’ on a Prayer” (yes, really) in an unfunny skit designed to promote the “Rock Band” game.
Host Russell Brand has quickly become the focal point of all talk about this year’s show.
After a series of hilarious promotional spots with Spears and LL Cool J, anticipation was high that he would deliver. He did deliver — however, not exactly in the way planned. Oozing a sort of wackiness that MTV used to breathe, Brand attacked President Bush, plugged Sen. Barack Obama and made mincemeat out of teen sensations the Jonas Brothers. It was Brand’s running joke about the Brothers’ virginity — which they have used to market themselves, not totally unlike Spears circa 2000 — that has become the VMA must-see moment of 2008.
Brand’s special kind of wackiness steered the show, which veered from mediocrity to brilliance in the course of two hours. Several acts such as Perry, Lupe Fiasco, The Ting Tings and LL had their performances cut out by commercials, so when the show returned, they were nearly finished. With the show in Los Angeles, for the first time in 10 years, MTV attempted to use the studio lots of television and movie productions as the stages of several performances. Only P!nk, singing her brand new glam-rock single “So What,” was able to take full advantage of the format. Staging explosions left and right, she roused the crowd with a shot of adrenaline that unfortunately was missing for much of the show.
The main stage was filled throughout the night with performances from Lil Wayne (who also performed awkwardly with Kid Rock later), Paramore (who rocked through “Misery Business” in their best early No Doubt impression) and a goth-esque Christina Aguilera, who slinked her way through an electro-remix of “Genie in a Bottle” before launching into her new single, “Keeps Getting Better.”
By the time the Video of the Year award rolled around, Britney had already picked up two earlier awards for her “Piece of Me” video, Tokio Hotel had won Best New Artist, Chris Brown had collected the Best Male Video for “With You” and Linkin Park had earned a sneer from former Guns N’ Roses guitarist Slash when they won Best Rock Video. The award went to Miss Spears again, and she was sure to thank her fans yet again for their continued support.
Kanye West was called in to close the show, and he did not disappoint. Dressed in a simple suit, Kanye stood almost still while he ripped his newest song, “Love Lockdown” (think a rave-inspired “Lollipop”). Cementing his one-in-a-million status, West wowed the crowd with his dramatic backdrop of space-inspired effects and pure showmanship. It marked an exhilarating end to a show that often lacked direction and perhaps relied too heavily on the resurrection of Spears.