During this year’s MTV Video Music Awards, Kanye West accepted the award for Video Vanguard. He gave an 11-minute speech, which concluded with an announcement: Kanye West is running for President in 2020.
President. POTUS. Kanye West, rapper supreme and self-proclaimed fashion icon, wants to be the leader of the free world.
In my opinion, this is all Donald Trump’s fault. I’m not saying I didn’t tweet something along the lines of “YEEZUS 2020” immediately after his announcement, but I’m also not saying I want this to be part of American history. In order to sort out my emotions regarding this issue, I have decided to think through the hypothetical scenario in which Kanye West’s office is the oval office.
It all begins in November of 2020. Kanye West has been elected president as an independent candidate. His victory song is “Good Life,” because Kanye is still in awe of his own musical prowess. He thanks his supporters and gives an even longer speech than his VMA Vanguard Speech. It’s a mediocre speech.
Anna Wintour is his vice president because he is still trying that hard to break into fashion. He announces his new album will be released instead of giving a State of the Union address. Suddenly, NPR listeners are forced to listen to rap music if they want to be informed on where President West stands on Iran. Fox News ceases to exist.
Everyone is chanting “POTUS” until Kanye brings out his wife on stage to share the moment. The room instantly falls silent. Jaws drop everywhere. Given her absence during the campaign tour (due to her third pregnancy) everyone had forgotten Kanye is still married to Kim Kardashian. The constituents of these United States realize by electing Kanye they made Kim the First Lady. Chaos erupts. Order is restored only when North walks onto the stage, because she is the face of innocence.
Kanye brings back FDR’s “fireside chats” but renames them “fire emoji chats.” He uses this time to address America via hologram, but instead of giving the nation an update on the state of affairs, he lists why Sway still doesn’t have the answers and informs the nation of the latest curse word Nori learned on the Sidwell Friends school playground.
Meanwhile, the rest of the world assumes this whole “Kanye as president” thing is another one of Ashton Kutcher’s pranks, so they play along. Israel and Palestine make peace. ISIS dissolves. North Korea apologizes to South Korea. Greek citizens decide to start paying taxes again. Order and peace reign over the planet because everyone thinks Kutcher is busy doing one more season of That ‘70s Show and hasn’t had time to ambush the West Wing and tell Ye this is all a joke.
Eight years pass. Kanye has now served two terms. No one has announced their candidacy yet and talk of Kanye serving a third term permeate political talk shows and morning radio. Somehow this whole thing worked. Democracy is amazing. Kanye-Wintour 2020.
Leah’s column runs biweekly Fridays. She can be reached at l.retta@cavalierdaily.com.
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