I'VE LONG been a George W. Bush enthusiast. Which is why it has taken me so long to come to terms with the stark fact that W is a moron.
Bush apologists say that a slip up here and there isn't atypical for any politician. Sure, but a constancy of faux pas upon which you could dependably beat the house -- that's stupidity. Thanks to Paul Begala's book "Is Our Children Learning?" (the title is a direct quote from Bush) we can all see for ourselves that in between Bush's ears eager scientists could probably locate a black hole.
For this reason, Bush should surrender himself to the cause of scientific research and give up his bid for the presidency.
Seriously though, Bush's record as a proven intellectual speaks for itself.
|
Bush the grammarian. "Intelligence is can you think logically," says Bush. "Intelligence is do you have a basis from which to make decisions." "Reading is the basics for all learning." Duh.
"My message will resignate (sic) amongst all parents." Right, W, I'm feeling the resignation now.
"And I'm more interacting with people." Good for you -- maybe you'll get someone to more vote for you.
"I'm very gracious and humbled," said Bush in February in a display of exceptional diction. Incidentally, W makes a strong personal case for the need to raise standards of education.
Bush the orator. In reference to a negative ad in which the word "rats" flashes across the screen for a split second, Bush promises he wasn't trying to send a "subliminabalal" message. He assured us four times -- no "subliminabalal" message.
Bush the narcissist. "When I'm talking about -- when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me." Good thing Bush is "gracious and humbled" to boot.
Bush waxing philosophic. "Will the highways on the Internet become more few?" Other issues on Bush's agenda include the Internet speed limit, putting stop signs on every corner, and making sure there's adequate law enforcement to deal with the numerous traffic violations occurring on the Internet.
"We ought to make the pie higher." In this way, it's too hard for the weak and the poor to reach it.
Bush in third person. "Governor Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure." Self-evident.
Bush the suave. "Please don't kill me," Bush says, mocking the voice of Karla Faye Tucker, who he allowed to be sent to her death. Not to mention how smooth Bush's vulgar comment about New York Times reporter Adam Clymer was.
Bush the academician. "Higher education is not my priority." Of course, this is what you expect from a man that probably stopped paying attention to his teachers after the sixth grade.
Bush the governor. "The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case." Why he said this to the San Antonio Express-News in January is beyond my comprehension.
Bush the foreign policy expert. Bush instructs that we need to "Keep good relations with the Grecians." What about the Martians -- we need a serious policy for them. The overwhelming tabloid evidence indicates that they exist. No self-respecting tabloid journalist, however, has ever claimed to having had a Grecian sighting.
To Maureen Dowd of The New York Times Bush says, "If the East Timorians decide to revolt, I'm sure I'll have a statement." Look on the bright side though: With the Grecians by our side, we could probably suppress the revolt.
In a display of the rhetorical power of generalities and platitudes, Bush says, "There is madmen in the world, and there are terror." A-plus for English, W.
Bush the linguist. One of Bush's more redeeming qualities is his ability to speak Spanish. Or is his Spanish as weak as his English? When Chris Matthews asked him to translate something he said, dieciséis de Septimbre, Bush replied "Fifteenth of September." Apparently dieciséis means 16.
Bush the Keynesian. "I've never been a long-term planner about anything. I have lived my life with more of a short-term focus." Translation: I'm a hedonist.
The personas and the idiocies go on and on, because dumb people say a lot of dumb things. If you want some good laughs, take a look at Begala's book or www.slate.com, where much of this is documented.
The point is Bush is not a very intelligent man. Big deal. Laugh at him, hope he never comes near the launch button to a nuclear missile, but don't fret about his stupidity because it's not really that important.
I still plan to vote for Bush for one reason: If we elect Gore and the Martians invade, who will be there to speak Spanish to the Grecians?
(Jeffrey Eisenberg's column appears Mondays in The Cavalier Daily.)
Read More
PARTING SHOT: Sometimes it’s okay to fake a smile
By Alexandra Holmes | 18 hours agoI surrounded myself with people who were so enthusiastic about the University and its potential, that after a while, it was impossible not to feel their passion and their convictions rub off on me.
PARTING SHOT: Girl, what did you expect?
By Cecy Juárez | YesterdayAdvocate for yourself unabashedly, even and especially when you feel like you don’t belong.
PARTING SHOT: Revisiting old comments
By Claire DiLorenzo | YesterdayIn retirement, I am also trying not to be hard on myself — I don’t have to hold onto all the mistakes that I made as an editor.
