My mom took a video of me getting into U.Va. It’s shot at a distance. Acceptances released Dec. 10. Two days prior, I began a 10-day stay in my basement, quarantining from a COVID-19 exposure. The Boston cold seeped into every inch of that cellar, but it failed to dampen my excitement — as the video attests.
I applied to the University, Early Decision, sight unseen. In lieu of an in-person tour, I researched extensively. Most of my research came in the form of Googling photos and daydreaming. By the time I applied, I felt like I already knew U.Va.. U.Va. meant trick-or-treating on the Lawn. It meant a heat that saw equinoxes and solstices as suggestions. It meant dinner on the Downtown Mall, bar hopping on the Corner and wasting days at vineyards. This was the University I applied to — the top public university, the UNESCO World Heritage Site, the NCAA Division I powerhouse — and I spent the last months of high school filled with an uneasy, but welcomed, anticipation for my first year.
The University I met, and have come to know over the last four years, is different. My expectations weren’t all wrong — they weren’t right either. The University I met is academically exciting, and overwhelming in its rigor. It has endless clubs and teams, and can be the largest, loneliest crowd you’ve ever been a part of. And, maybe above all, it can feel incredibly far from home.
Much of my effort in college has been spent trying to figure out which University I went to — the school committed to confronting its complicated past, or the one who sees complexity as a vice. The school that touts diversity as a strength, or the one that views it as political fodder. The school that embraces debate, or the one that takes conversation as a threat to the “soul of U.Va.” “U.Va.,” once something I knew with certainty, took on two seemingly conflicting meanings — the bold educational experiment, and the public corporation.
I do not feel shortchanged by my time at the University. I have, and will always, cherish my time here. It is my love for this University that led me to attempt to unpack this all during my time at The Cavalier Daily. It is my love for this University that pushed me to join the Opinion section. Opinion gave me an opportunity to spend my time poking and prodding the University, rather than just reporting the latest happenings. There’s a reason basketball has a color commentator in addition to play-by-play commentary — and it is the same reason why Opinion sections exist. When done right, opinion writing can offer a perspective on the world that, once seen, you cannot shake.
During my four years at The Cavalier Daily, I have tried to keep this aim at the forefront of my mind, whether as an editor or a writer. I came to the section eager to offer clear solutions to complex problems. As time went on, and article after article of mine ended rather aporetically, I began to feel that my role was to point out problems rather than solve them. And I began to feel that, despite the power of opinion writing, holding these competing conceptions of the University may have been impossible. I still wish I could offer a fix-all, a way to make sense of the dissonance. I know of no such thing.
What I do know is this — at some point, my walking became trance-like. Nagging thoughts moved me from destination to destination. Hurried movement felt uncomfortably necessary. I’m working on changing that. Once a week, I walk across Grounds, listening for the pulse of the University I applied to. I am forced to remind myself that I am moving through the same scenes I once admired in 1080p. I allow myself to feel pride for what the University is — and a firm hope for the kid out there Googling photos of the Lawn, a hope for all the University could be.
This outlook is not the end point. This alone will not fix the very real problems facing our University. But it’s as good a place as any to start from.
Dan Freed was an opinion senior columnist during the 136th term, an opinion editor during the 135th term, an opinion senior associate during the 134th term and an opinion staffer during the 133rd term.
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