The first time I went to a dining hall by myself, I came prepared. Should I not find a friendly face with an open seat among the tables of O’Hill, I could at least feign productivity with my laptop and headphones. The last thing I wanted was my pristine reputation as a newly-minted University student to be tarnished by the shame of loneliness.
But, as I soon learned, this O’Hill experience would not be the only time I found myself alone at the University. As a first-year student adjusting to college life, I realized that although I was constantly surrounded by people, there were often circumstances where I was very much on my own. Trying to find someone to meet me for lunch amid fluctuating class schedules or join me in attending a speaker series felt like an impossible task, and even walking to class amid crowds of socializing students felt isolating.
I tried to mend this reality by curating a packed social schedule. My texts looked like those of a desperate ex, with dozens of “When are you getting dinner?” or “What are you doing this weekend?” messages pestering my newfound friends. The mixed responses I received as I tried to slot myself into other students' similarly packed schedules, however, often left me with unbooked weekends and unmade plans, and a clear need to figure out my newfound independence.
I began to realize that my reliance on others was holding me back. The University is a land of opportunity, always offering something to fill a curious student’s schedule. From WXTJ jazz nights to talks by impressive guests and professors alike, waiting for a friend to join me might mean I simply missed out on fascinating events and formative experiences.
And yet, as I tentatively began to venture around Grounds alone, I couldn’t help but feel different from the other independent souls I encountered. They seemed so effortlessly cool, unburdened by the unspoken pressure for constant companionship. How come they could pull off the headphones-and-tote-bag-combo without looking like they got stood up? Why did their solo stroll up the Corner come off as fiercely independent, not upsettingly lonely?
Perhaps the answer was God-given confidence, or maybe it was simply practice. As I jealously watched their stylish self-sufficiency, I vowed to at least give the whole concept of going solo a try in hopes that maybe, just maybe, I too could learn the art of independence.
I began to challenge myself to solo experiences. I registered for a plethora of events, ranging from discussion panels to Corner Cleanups. I took myself on long walks around Grounds, sat alone in Newcomb Dining Hall and even went on adventures to restaurants on the Corner. The more I practiced, the easier it got — I even found myself attending a concert at the Jefferson Theater without dragging along a reluctant friend, something I never could have imagined before arriving at the University.
The fear of feeling “uncool” or appearing lonely subsided a bit more with each experience, and the stories I gained became an addition to my personality, rather than a shameful admission.
In my adventures, I’ve actually discovered that I love the freedom that going solo gives me. If I want to go shopping on the Downtown Mall or explore a new coffee shop, I don't need to wait for anyone’s approval or worry myself with the endless struggle of getting the group chat to agree on a date and time. Best of all, no one seems to mind my solo excursions or lonely presence — shockingly, there is nothing awkward or embarrassing about an unchaperoned dinner or an unaccompanied trip to Barracks Road Shopping Center.
As I move into my fourth semester at the University, I have come to appreciate the independence I uncovered during my first year. Those first awkward moments of uncertainty in the dining hall were worth it, as I can now confidently claim a solitary seat at a coffee shop or stroll unaccompanied through a thrift store downtown.
Not only have I become more comfortable in my own skin — at peace with the perception of my independence, but I have also gained invaluable skills and actually made friends along the way. Contrary to the belief of that laptop-carrying, headphone-clad first-year in O’Hill, doing things alone does not make you lonely — rather, it puts you in the driver's seat of your college experience, opening the door to new opportunities and creating ample space for learning.
Of course, not every University experience should be a solo venture. Stumbling home from Rugby Road at 2 a.m. without a friend is certainly not the best use of independence, and the joys of a crowded tailgate or roommate movie night are unmatched. But the next time your dinner plans get cancelled or your favorite indie artist comes to Charlottesville, take the chance to practice the art of independence, and do it alone.
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