IT TRULY is a strange time to be alive. Our generation - the generation coming of age at the beginning of a new millennium - has witnessed all manner of stunning events take place in the last few years. We saw the first impeachment of an elected president; we saw an idea called the World Wide Web become a way of life; we saw a presidential election that was too close to call. There is, however, another area of turmoil that hasn't been discussed as extensively. That, my fellow members of Generation Y, is the dating scene.
To remove some of the angst associated with dating - or what passes as dating today - Generation Y has to embrace men's and women's roles as equals. Girls, especially, should live up to their status as women of an era of equality. They have to curb their passive and Doris Day-like tendencies when it comes to dealing with guys, because it isn't getting them anywhere.
The dating scene has changed so much in the last few years that the very term "dating scene" is, well, outdated. People don't go on dates anymore. Biff doesn't pick up Nancy at her house. He isn't subjected to a meeting with her father in the living room, to gruff warnings of, "Have my daughter home by 11, young man." Biff and Nancy don't go to the drive-thru - do drive-thrus exist anymore? - to see a movie for which Biff pays.
Sorry, friends: Biff and Nancy are dead, and they took the network of formal rules and rituals that comprised the "dating scene" with them. If they do live on, they exist in wildly different incarnations: Biff is a brother at Tri Lam and meets a tube-topped Nancy on the dance floor when they are both on their fifth big red cup of Natty Light. After dancing together for a few songs, Biff and Nancy hook up. Then, they don't really know what to do. Should Biff give Nancy his number, or should she give him hers? Who should do the calling? If one of them does call, what the heck will they say? Should they go on a date? If they go on a date, who should pay? Besides, Nancy and Biff wonder, isn't it a bit weird to go out for coffee and do the whole first date, "getting to know you" thing when you've already had someone's tongue down your throat?
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In an age of equality, no one is designated as the "leader" in relationships, and there are no helpful guidelines of behavior to follow. The new rule is that there are no rules: There is no etiquette to abide by, no expectations for Biff or Nancy to live up to. They are completely on their own when it comes to figuring out how to relate to each other.
That can be liberating. It can also lead to a great deal of confusion.
Generation Y's collective befuddlement when it comes to dating is due mostly to our position as one of the first generations that was brought up to accept gender equality wholeheartedly. This generation was raised to believe that girls are strong, independent human beings who don't need help from anyone. Growing up, Generation Y girls wanted to be ballerinas and professional soccer players. They were just as likely to be good with a hammer as a sewing needle.
We aren't limited by gender roles anymore, and that is wonderful in too many ways to count. The problem is that while we are embracing the general principles of gender equality, we are selectively holding on to some of the ideas of the past. Being in that gray space in between, where everything is ill-defined, is what makes things confusing.
The new Biff and Nancy - the Generation Y version - are equals. They're also equally clueless. We don't see Biff asking Nancy out anymore, because Nancy is perfectly capable of asking Biff out herself. She doesn't have to wait for him to take the initiative. But the problem is that, for the most part, Nancy doesn't ask Biff out. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wants to be "the girl" and have him do all the work. Meanwhile, clueless Biff may assume that Nancy doesn't like him, because if she did, wouldn't she have asked him out already? It's all very confusing, and it makes it a lot easier to understand why this generation has ditched complicated dating in favor of a more straightforward hook-up culture.
What can be learned from the tale of Biff and Nancy? When it comes to dating, Generation Y has one foot in June Cleaver's universe and the other in Gloria Steinem's. To prevent all of us from getting muddled in the head, we have to pick which one we want to exist in. My vote is for Gloria. That means that girls need to start living up to their status as guys' equals, get some guts and ask Biff out already.
(Laura Sahramaa is a Cavalier Daily associate editor. She can be reached at lsahramaa@cavalierdaily.com.)
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