Sex is fascinating. At its most basic, it involves sexual parts coming into contact with other sexual parts. Pretty simple. But humans like to complicate things. I'm not even talking about sticky emotions or even acrobatic positions. Welcome to the wonderful world of sex toys!
There are many different ways to find, investigate and browse sex toys. The three most common are shopping online, going to an erotic boutique or ordering them at a sex toy party. It was after one such party that my friend alerted me to the existence of vibrating underwear. Thinking this was hilarious, my roommate and I decided to check it out online, thinking we might find the foundation for an amusing practical joke. We did not find vibrating underwear. We did, however, find what I still consider the most hilariously disturbing sex toy I've ever heard of -- anal plug ring toss. It's true, you can find anything online.
As for sex shops, they can be entertaining -- but you need to do it right. After graduating high school, like so many others, I participated in that time-honored tradition known as beach week. Most of my group had recently turned 18 (minus the one older guy who had failed first grade), and because drinking legally was still three years off, my friends and I decided to celebrate our adult status by perusing a local sex shop. We bounced in with eager smiles and lined up to show our IDs (minus me who hid in the back because I was still 17). Three steps further, the fun died. We found ourselves in what looked like a dimly lit Blockbuster, containing row upon row of shockingly unsexy pornography. Given the mixed gendered group, everyone clumped together and refused to spend too long looking at anything.
Lesson number one: Never go in a huge group. The sex shop pros were all loners. Slightly creepy loners, albeit I have no doubt their experience was more rewarding than ours.
My second trip to a sex shop was far more exciting, possibly because I was actually looking for something. My roommate had joked about getting me a vibrator for Christmas. She didn't. In response, I told her I was getting her one for her birthday. I did.
Actually buying the vibrator was perhaps the most fun I've had shopping in Charlottesville. Learning from my previous error, I took only one friend and made sure it was someone who wasn't afraid to stop, look around and ask questions. Inside the shop, the first thing I noticed was the plethora of vibrators. You can spend anywhere from 10 to 200 dollars looking for a buzzy buddy. They came in every shape, size and color. I have no idea why you would need one that glows in the dark, but if you want one, you're in luck.
The next delight was my friend striking up a conversation with the cashier. Hey, it must be an interesting job selling sexual paraphernalia all day. The most interesting bit of information was the store's no return policy. It's very strict. People had actually tried to return things ... things they had clearly used. "My wife didn't like it," being a common excuse. I guess the lesson with that is if you're going to drop serious cash for a sex toy, make sure you really want it. Changing your mind is not an option.
With the human imagination at work, if you want, you can go into any scenario armed like Inspector Gadget -- vibrators, handcuffs, anal beads, nipple clamps -- the list goes on and on. If you can think of it, I'm sure it's out there. I personally think sex is complicated enough without trying to incorporate foreign objects, but that doesn't stop browsing from being an entertaining pastime.
Megan Hein is a Cavalier Daily Health & Sexuality columnist. She can be reached at hein@cavalierdaily.com.
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