Psst ... you there. Hey you. Have you ever noticed how hot the person sitting beside you is?
You have? Well he/she thinks you're hot too. Oh just there! Didn't you see him/her looking at you? I'm pretty sure you did. He/she is undressing you with his/her eyes. ... Is it a good view; does their imagination do you justice? And haven't you ever noticed how close the seats are in this room? I mean he/she is within inches of you. If you shift just a bit you might brush against his/her arm.
While you ponder this moment of brief physical contact, he/she is probably running through what it might be like to have a throw-down on the very desk you share. Delicious. Welcome to the world of sexual tension.
There are many types of sexual tension. The kind displayed above is the most common and probably the most harmless. But what about the sexual tension that radiates?
Couples who want to have sex
"Couple" is a loose term. This tension can be between anyone wanting to have sex or just a good snog.
This type of tension usually results in an excuse and hasty departure. "Um, I forgot my camera," is always a good one.
At some point, I think most people have experienced the uncomfortably awkward feeling of being around people who desperately want to get it on. Following prom, many people found themselves drowning in sexual tension as couples waited for the right moment to excuse themselves.
Giveaways: guilty grins, uncomfortable laughing, avoiding eye contact, absentmindedly stroking one another on say the arm or lower back, descending to the gluteal region.
Couples who have just had sex
The door was shut and locked and everyone knew what was going on. Now it's open and you have to slide back into the social setting as if your faces aren't red and glistening with sweat.
In this situation, it's really only uncomfortable for the couple involved. I'm pretty sure there's an unwritten rule that anyone having sex behind closed doors in an otherwise occupied environment are fair game for ridicule.
Annoying comments like "So, what were you doing?" are just a beginning. Everyone knows what you were doing; it's just more fun to watch you come up with an elaborate excuse.
The same rule goes for people who slip away to have sex. If you disappear during halftime and come back at the end of the third quarter, consider yourself busted.
Giveaways: grins, hand holding, red faces, tussled hair or a too-casual manner.
Couples who should have sex and get it over with
This is a lot like the first one; couples who want to have sex, except, they are too uncomfortable to act on it. So everyone suffers because the tension is palpable. After enough shameless flirtation that borders on indecency, everyone will be begging these people to get on with it. In this situation, the giveaways are external to the couple.
Giveaways: remarks such as, "Why don't you two get a room?"
Friends with sexual tension
Somewhere between the realm of friendship and friends with benefits, there exists a subgroup called "friends with sexual tension." You both hate Quentin Tarantino but like Spaceballs and the Business of Flies (local band -- formerly Quogue, to you older students) and more importantly, you both desperately want to tear each other's clothes off.
During those silly play fights while playing video games you realize that if you leaned three inches further you'd be kissing. But you're friends and acting on tension would make things weird. Really weird. You will have seen each other naked. How can you argue the merits of "Family Guy" versus "The Simpsons" when you've seen each other naked?
Giveaways: tickling or unnecessary touching. Friends do not tickle. If you act on the tension you have a few choices: start a relationship, become friends with benefits or, far worse, become friends with post-sex tension.
Giveaways of post-sex tension: blushing, mumbling, lowering of eyes and long conversation lapses.
Sexual tension has its uses; it can heighten desire and make ensuing physical contact electric. Still, acting on an impulse often carries consequences, so tread carefully and play safe.
Megan Hein is a Cavalier Daily Health & Sexuality Columnist. She can be reached at hein@cavalierdaily.com.
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