Today's column is a public service announcement for every first year from Kent to Cauthen: Know your gym personality.
I'm betting that sometime during the next few weeks, you'll each get up from your chairs at O-Hill after polishing off yet another plate of the famous beef brisket (made from actual recycled New Balances) and get motivated enough to do a little exercise. Fair enough. It will be at that moment, however, that things get complicated.
You see, here at our wonderful University, there are exactly 257 places to get your sweat on. There's the AFC, Mem Gym, Slaughter, North Grounds, South Grounds, Northeast Grounds, South by Southwest Grounds and many, many others. If you get desperate, there's also a big forest out there (but be warned -- rumor has it there are no elliptical machines).
The interesting thing about all these body-sculpting centers is that they each attract a different crowd, a fact that can make for some awkward situations if you're not sure where to go. Without knowing your own gym personality, you could end up somewhere between a spinning class full of soccer moms and a sparring session with a gorilla named Wladamir. So here's where I come in.
Over the past three years, I've tried 'em all, and not always with good results. I've benched 125 pounds next to a guy who could compact my car by hand. I've run on treadmills next to kids who were working just hard enough to have a full conversation about the night before (complete with more than a handful of 'likes' and 'oh my Gods!'). I've played racquetball against a girl skinnier than my leg who got me so twisted around that I actually hit myself with my own racquet. I've shot hoops with men who had roughly 80 percent of their appendages covered by sweat bands (and the other 20 percent by Spandex).
Believe me, all this wasn't easy. It took me a while to find my own gym personality, and in the meantime I learned a whole lot about what my personality was not. So here are my (abbreviated) notes on the different options out there for you. Stop me when it sounds familiar.
Let's say you're an AFC type. You're the kind of person who likes to watch and be watched while you're working out. You'd be willing to run and lift under a balcony where other people are running and lifting -- even though there is always the danger that a falling iPod could crush you from above.
The AFC is also where you'll find some hardcore ballers. Apparently after Gary Forbes was kicked off the varsity squad a few years back, he took out his frustration on a couple hapless hoopsters dumb enough to take him on at the AFC. Be prepared.
Think you might be more of a Mem person? Finish that protein shake before you answer. Although Mem is the home to the decidedly un-masculine women's volleyball team, its basement is straight out of a Rocky movie. Last time I was there, I lifted next to a guy who had a tattoo of a phoenix gripping a globe on his arm. Haven't gotten around to getting one of those for myself yet.
Mem is also home to the "fighting room" where you can beat on heavy bags after your Psych 101 exam. I've also heard that once a month they hang a side of beef up and you can punch an actual dead cow if that's what you're into. O-Hill will cook it up and serve it after you're done.
Heading up the road, you know you belong at Slaughter if you'd rather hit a little blue ball than a piece of meat. Slaughter has the only set of racquetball and squash courts around, so it usually attracts the ultra-coordinated. It's a good place for a beginner if you bring your own opponent, but beware of taking on strangers -- scientists haven't yet determined what a good racquetball player looks like, so by the time you find out, it may be too late.
North Grounds, on the other hand, is the home of law and medical students. Because of all this future earning potential, it can also be a place to exercise your spouse-finding skills. I'll leave it at that.
No matter what your gym personality is, whether you're "anabolically enhanced" or just a weekend warrior, it won't take you long to find the right place. As for me, I've discovered that I'm more of a Mem guy -- not in size, but in spirit. After all, I figure if I work out next to a future Mr. Olympia it might rub off a little. At least that's what I'm hoping.
Read More
Scott Stadium selected to host 2026 NCAA Men’s Lacrosse Championships
By Michael Liebermann | 19 hours agoThe biggest event on the college lacrosse calendar will unfold on Grounds.
Abysmal start proves too much to overcome as Virginia exits ACC Tournament early
By Ryan Weiner | 2 days agoIf the Cavaliers make the NCAA Tournament, they cannot afford to play another game like this.
As the Walshes take their final bow, the swimming world pauses
By Xander Tilock | 2 days agoHow could anyone possibly describe the success of this duo?
