The pictures have been splashed across the front pages of gossip magazines across the country: shock photos of Rihanna with swollen lips and black eyes, pictures of Chris Brown with his head bowed and eyes averted, bold black headlines declaring the state of their relationship, each one contradicting the next: “They’re Over!”, “She’s Taking Him Back!” The media frenzy following the fight in which Brown beat up his girlfriend Rihanna has essentially stripped both singers of their dignity, exposing their relationship for criticism and commentary from the informed and absolutely clueless alike. But if one good thing has come of the commotion, it’s that a dialogue has been opened about behavior that is unacceptable at any time in any relationship.
Celebrities that commented on the fight mostly tried to avoid a hard line stance, refusing to align with one participant or the other. Singer Ashanti said, “There’s a lot of things that’s alleged. Nobody knows what going on . . . I hope everything’s all right for the both of them.” Mary J. Blige said simply, “They’re both young and beautiful people, and that’s it.” Only Roseanne Barr — never one to shy away from speaking her mind — was brave enough to say the truth: “Chris Brown’s lies and excuses make me want to beat the crap out of him . . . he uses the language of the perpetrator just like every sleazy [man] who ever smacked his wife, kid, mother or girlfriend around uses.”
On March 18, the New York Times published an article in which they interviewed ninth-grade girls at Hostos-Lincoln Academy, a selective private high school in the Bronx. The girls overwhelmingly defended Brown, rationalizing his behavior by reasoning that Rihanna had somehow deserved the violence.
Like many women twice their age or more, the girls blamed Rihanna for the attack. “She probably made him mad for him to react like that,” one said. Another added, “She probably feels bad that it was her fault, so she took him back.”
Terrifyingly, these young women seemed angrier at Rihanna than they did at Brown, who, factually speaking, was solely responsible for the attack: it was, after all, he alone who turned the fight physical. According to the LAPD police report, he “shoved her head against the passenger window . . . [then] continued to punch her in the face.” The injuries she sustained required a stay at a local hospital. Yet, said one Hostos-Lincoln student, “I don’t think he’ll hit her like that again.”
This mentality shows a disturbing trend among women young and old: a willingness to accept violent behavior by assuming that it was somehow provoked by the actions of the victim. This is the same rationale that blames rape victims by saying “they deserved it” because of their seductive dress or alcohol consumption. Accepting that terrible things may happen to people who did nothing to deserve them requires relinquishing faith in a just world. In addition, blaming the victim preserves one’s own sense of invulnerability by perpetuating the falsehood that it can’t happen to you so long as you don’t behave like her. The reality, which is considerably harder to accept, is that sexually, physically, or emotionally abusive relationships can and do happen to anyone, and that no matter how frustrating a relationship may become, violence is never the victim’s fault.
Sadly, according to statistics from New York’s Teen Relationship Abuse Fact Sheet, nearly 80 percent of women who have been physically abused by their partners will continue to date them. And it’s hardly surprising, in light of the reactions of Hostos-Lincoln’s teenage students. The same mentality that causes young women to blame Rihanna for the abuse she suffered is the mentality that will cause girls who are caught in abusive relationships to believe that the fault is with themselves, and not with their partner. The reason is that it’s simply easier to think that the victim — in this case, yourself — may have caused the attack rather than accept that somebody with whom you once had a loyal, trusting relationship could be capable of such behavior. Relationships rarely start off abusive; a pattern of abusive behavior emerges over time, often long after a loving relationship has been established. Women too often feel that if they could change this or that tiny thing about themselves or their partner, it would be possible to return to the happy honeymoon phase of the relationship, and they would never have to face the reality that in this particular case their character judgement was off. Understanding this thought process sheds a light on why Rihanna and other young women like her so often find it difficult to leave an abusive boyfriend. The situation becomes increasingly complicated when the victim is married to her abuser, is dependent upon him for income, or has children with him. Financial and familial responsibilities give the victim numerous opportunities to put off leaving her abuser or facing his behavior as a pattern rather than a passing phase.
Statistically, one in four teens will report being physically, emotionally, sexually, or psychologically abused, according to the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention’s Department of Health and Human Sciences. It can happen to anyone: rich or poor, confident or insecure, sexually active or abstinent, young or old. If you are in an abusive relationship, as hard as it may be, leave it. You deserve to be happy. Women who are victims of abuse need help, not blame.
Michelle Lamont is a Cavalier Daily Associate Editor. She can be reached at m.lamont@cavalierdaily.com.
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